Failed in my fasting :-(

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 2009-08-28T14:32:07+00:00

after 2 days. Its water, not food. I had muscle cramps and weakness and it made my MS symptoms worse (but not unbrearable) Fel like a bit of a failure and a bad muslim

weegiemum · 28/08/2009 15:34

Oh Riven, I know this is important to you.

Is there not some dispensation if you are ill? You have to be well enough for your children as well as for yourself!

Is there any way you could just fast food, not water as well. I'm not a muslim, I'm a Christian, and any time I have fasted water was allowed, but I don't know the ins and outs of the Ramadan rules.

Hope you feel better soon.

GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob · 28/08/2009 15:34

Riven you have been through more stress and exhaustion lately than anyone I can think of

and you have MS

you're only human!!

I am not religious at all, but from what I understand the fasting custom is meant to be observed by those who can do so safely and without making themselves ill

just the fact that you tried is enough - you don't have to run yourself into the ground to be a good Muslim

but I'm sure others with more understanding will be along soon x

nickschick · 28/08/2009 15:35

You arent a bad muslim at all.

From my limited knowledge regarding fasting those with ill health shouldnt be fasting anyway.

The fact is, that God in whatever form you worship is a mercifull God and your relationship between you and this God is what you make it,whilst fasting I understand is a 'big' thing to you in the whoile reality of things your own health must come first.

Today you broke your fast,tomorrow you will start again.

GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob · 28/08/2009 15:36

I also didn't know it included water

I really don't think you can do without water for any length of time if you are already under the weather

you'll be of no use to anyone if you make yourself seriously ill!

Original poster

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 28/08/2009 15:37

I know, and I know I have MS but I really thought I could do it and wanted to do it. Its very important to me.
Feel like a knob now that I gave in. I was feeling headachey and muscle cramps but it wasn't worse than everyone else is going through I'm sure.

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nickschick · 28/08/2009 15:39

Bloody 'ell I never realised it was you Riven- dont feel you have failed you have to do what you can comfortably do.

Again in my limited knowledge -muslim families that I have experienced have a strong family support to support each other in their fasting and I rather think that you have a whole load of other stuff going on than a dedication to fasting as you dont have that support network from family.

nickschick · 28/08/2009 15:40

But a flare up of M.S can have serious long term health implications.

GreensleevesFlouncedLikeAKnob · 28/08/2009 15:40

I do feel really sympathetic, it's awful when you really badly want to achieve something and your body lets you down

BUT you must cut yourself some slack and be realistic, the stress in your life at the moment is on a scale most people won't ever experience

fasting is about discipline and self-control isn't it? and you demonstrate that every day anyway

just put today behind you and try again tomorrow if you need to - but don't go too far and make yourself ill, that's is NOT what it's about

Original poster

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 28/08/2009 17:00

just called a sister and she said the same thing.
Doesn't stop me feeling like a bit of a failure though. I am heartily sick of having MS and being useless.
God sends you things to test you which I why I feel like a failure for not being able to do this.

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leothelioness · 28/08/2009 17:07

oh riven I am muslim and have to say that it was brave of you to even try I am definitly positivly sure you are not a failure not in anyones eyes not in the eyes of Allah.

you · 28/08/2009 20:16

Oh Riven

Please don't feel bad. You are not a faliure or a bad muslim, as I said on the other thread, Allah is kind and merciful, he did not mean for fasting to be this difficult for us, let alone harmful to our health.

Alhamdulillah you tried, and Allah is aware of this, he knows your intentions and he knows your struggles. Allah will bless you for trying, and the reward you will get for that will be bountiful inshahllah.

Honestly, if it is making you sick you need to stop now, not only will it do you and perhaps DD harm, it is also likely haram. Ramadhan is not just about fasting (as you obviously know!). It is such a holy month, forget about actual fasting and focus on your deen. I know you have problems time wise regarding your DD, but even a few minutes here and there will make a difference. Attempt to pray all prayers even if late, read quuran and hadith, refresh yourself on knowledge of Muhammed (s) and the prophets etc, there are so many other ways to make Ramadan special mashallah! Even just reciting surahs, Subhanallah and Bismillah, in your head throughout the day will keep Allah in your thoughts.

Will make dua for you x

Original poster

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 29/08/2009 08:05

thankyou sisters. Another sister pointed out that born muslims learn to fast slowly with half days and every other days. Unlike us reverts who leap in
So I'll stop beating myself up, ask Allah SWT for strength and see how far I get each day. Ate suhoor and prayed fajr late as was up with dd during the night again.
Very worrying her being this poorly

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littleducks · 29/08/2009 08:24

Riven I realise that this is disapointing to you but honestly yyou need to realise that you havent 'failed'

I read the other threads where you were contemplating whether or not it was sensible for you to fast, now you have a conclusive answer

I havent fasted much in the past four years, as had a pg yr, a bfing yr, a pg yr, a bfing yr iyswim. I did a few days in the bfing years but really struggled but there is no way i could have done the full month. I was honestly dreading this Ramadhan, as i converted 7 yrs ago now so have never fasted such long days in my life and am out of practice. Alhamdillilah i am finding this year do-able, unlike the odd days i did last year i can fast without feeling unwell. This is because my body is ready to fast and the fasting is benefiting me.

Inshallah there will be a year in the futuire when you are well enough to fast, but this year just remember that Allah (swt) never burdens you with more than you can manage, i think that nobody would argue that you have plenty on your plate, just view these trials in your life (your MS etc) as your current tests and allow yourself to concentrate on those.

There are many other aspects to Ramadhan and so you dont feel left out just make sure you are fufilling those other obligations (charity/salat). Laytul-Qadr can be special, maybe you could find some time to read Qu'ran this month?

And make sure you have a happy Eid

Btw do you know about the new muslim project they will send you newsletters and might be helpful to you?

Original poster

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 29/08/2009 08:36

I will look up the NMP again. I tried them 3 years ago when I converted but they were just starting or hadn't got the ball going. There is a New muslim network in this city doing iftars and such but at the mo iftar is too late cos I have to go to bed with dd about 8 or 9 (does mean a rushed meal!) and I cant set an alarm because if dd is woken from sleep she has seizures.

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difficultdecision · 29/08/2009 12:51

Riven, that's not a failure, that's a success alhamdolillah! You wanted to try and you did. Your body told you it wasn't ready and that's Allah's answer to you, clearly He doesn't expect you to fast this year - it's only a failure if you don't listen to Him

It's worth trying the NMP again, the yahoo group still contains some 'characters' but it's like MN - filter out the loons and take what is helpful from it.

Original poster

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 29/08/2009 13:01

there are loons on an email list? Say it ain't so
I think I was on the NMP list for a bit years back and do remember some, umm, rather pushy brothers It was the 'I'm a better muslim than you' competitions I couldn't cope with!
I've decided to start fasting each day and do as much as I can. Went and bought some more dates to break my fast whenever I do it and feel a bit more positive. I also intend to make up the days in the winter when the day lasts about 6 minutes inshallah.
Had porridge ad yogurt and abanan for suhoor this morning and lots of water. Only now starting to feel a few pangs and some dizziness. But thats manageable.

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weegiemum · 29/08/2009 23:56

I replied earlier in the thread, but have been thinking of you.

I don't know much about Islam, but aren't 2 of the first names of Allah "the merciful, the compassionate"

I am sure that HE has compassion for your situation, your health, your children, your devotion to HIM.

Tell Him how you feel - talk to Him about it!

Original poster

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 30/08/2009 17:37

Thanks weegie

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saramoon · 30/08/2009 20:30

Riven, didn't realise that you had converted. Can I ask why? My DH is Muslim, i'm not and am interested in what makes people decide to convert? Hope you don't mind my asking.

Original poster

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 30/08/2009 20:32

ask me again when I'm not tired and despairing of dd yelling for days now

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ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 30/08/2009 22:16

I was about to post the same as Weegie,

I am not a Muslim but I believe that God is a compassionate caring God. Whatever challenges you face God is there to help and guide you.

Your life seems to challenge you so much I hope that you gain strength from your relationship with God. Please try to be kind to yourself.

saramoon · 31/08/2009 19:48

Will do

mariagoretti · 01/09/2009 01:15

Hi riven.
I work in a healthcare facility in a Muslim area. If the doctors sincerely advise a patient they should not fast on medical grounds, they have to feed a hungry person for a day instead. We had a talk from a local senior imam, he said harming one's health was haram. When people are in doubt he will issue them with a formal fatwa confirming exemption.
Have a wonderful Ramadan, whether or not you are well enough to fast.

AnAuntieNotAMum · 01/09/2009 01:57

We have MS and autoimmune diseases in my family and sorry to be blunt, but I think you are being cruel to yourself and risking your health by trying to fast. Your immune system doesn't need any shocks, it needs regularity and as much rest as you can possibly give it. It's not your fault that you are ill, please be good to yourself and don't get angry with yourself. You are not a failure and you are not bad.

You need nutrients, you need sun (a lot of new research points to vitamin D being vital against MS and other autoimmune conditions), you don't need to be tired and dehydrated and hungry.

Firawla · 02/09/2009 20:02

if you're ill & you can't fast due to that its not your fault. especially if you have really tried to, but realistically not possible and makes you worse.
If you're not able to do it pay fidya instead of fast and dont feel a failure, the dispensation is there as a mercy for you. Yureed allahu bikum al yusr wa laa yureedu bikum al usr - Allah desires for u ease, He does not desire for you difficulty
Must be for u that ur not able to fast, i have missed a couple aswel due to pregnancy i was getting too dehydrated and weak, and it doesnt feel nice to miss them but Allah knows you have the desire and intention to fast, its not the same as just missing it out of disobedience