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Philosophy/religion

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Original poster

Ex-P refuses to allow Baptism of son

17 replies

BrownEyedMum · 22/06/2009 16:34

My ex and I split up in February but since then have discussed and arranged Christening of our son. However he has now decided he wants to cancel it, and that if I haven't cancelled it all by the end of the week he will take me to court over it. Can he legally refuse to let my son be Christened, or does he have no right to do that?

OP posts:

posieparker · 22/06/2009 16:37

I'm not sure of the answer, legally. Although I can't imagine you can welcome your child into the Kingdom of God and family of the church against the wishes of your ex husband. (If he's your partner I would wonder why you would get a child baptised but not get married or have a union under the eyes of God.)

MatNanPlus · 22/06/2009 16:40

It seems from wandering the web that the parent with PR can decide to have the DC christened without the other parents consent.

A court would probably not interfere as the christening will not affect the DC human rights.

That is just from a wander round the web tho.

LadyOfWaffle · 22/06/2009 16:41

PP - My 2 are Baptised but DH & my marriage isn't blessed yet... one of those things.

Legally I am not sure he could stop you. If he doesn't believe in God etc., it would mean nothing to him... what I mean is , it wouldn't matter. Why does he not want to anymore?

Original poster

BrownEyedMum · 22/06/2009 16:47

We've had a row recently, and that is all it comes down to. He has no real objections to the Christening per se :
"I would have happily done it but the way you have been lately I've got not intentions of being anywhere around you and that includes the christening I wish it could be different and if you stopped being so bitchy all the time it might be but as it stands no chance im afraid"

Oh and just for the record I've barely spoken to him, definitely not being "bitchy all the time"!!

OP posts:

Reallytired · 22/06/2009 16:47

I have no idea of the legal side. You need advice on that. Prehaps if it was me and infant baptism was important to me, I would find a sympathetic vicar and get the child baptised quietly and not tell anyone.

Surely if you have custory then its unreasonable for him to interfere with everyday decisions. Its not as if you are having your son tatooed. He can always make a decision about religion at a later date.

What about a service of thanksgiving or dedication? Surely your ex cannot stop you thanking God for the gift of a child. It seems to be a form of bullying and I would find it hard to imagine that a judge would really care.

Surfermum · 22/06/2009 16:48

He's your child's other parent so he is as entitled to his opinion as you are, but legally speaking if he has parental responsibility then he can make decisions about health, schooling and religion.

If you can't agree between you what should happen it can go to Court for them to decide what is in the best interests of your child.

Why doesn't he want it to go ahead?

posieparker · 22/06/2009 16:48

Actually I know someone who had her dd confirmed with no exh.

Original poster

BrownEyedMum · 22/06/2009 17:05

But was the exh just not around? As in just not involved, rather than having actually refused.

OP posts:

posieparker · 22/06/2009 17:07

He wasn't around at all.... she was eight when he left, a doting father... until he met the other woman.
You should phone the local priest/vicar and ask.

Original poster

BrownEyedMum · 22/06/2009 17:10

Ugh, men! Yeah I think that's what I'll do, will call her tomorrow. We've left it that I've said he doesn't have to come, and he's said he'll see me in court.

OP posts:

posieparker · 22/06/2009 17:14

The best of luck, and God bless!!!

fucksticks · 22/06/2009 17:15

do you have what you quoted him saying in writing?
if so, then i'd go ahead and sod him.
he clearly doesnt have any valid objections to a christening and is just being obstructive to annoy you.
I very much doubt he'd go to court over it and if by some slim chance he did, then they'd laugh him out the court.
Fact is, he agreed it, he part arranged it with you, now he has changed his mind for no reason and isnt the primary carer. Tell him to take a running jump!

GrimmaTheNome · 22/06/2009 17:15

I can't see any court being very receptive to his argument - it sounds like he's just being obstructive of a family event to be spiteful rather than any deep religious or philosophical objections.

In short, I think he's bluffing. What are his grounds for refusing a ceremony considered quite normal in this country? (for the record I personally think child baptism is nonsense but still defend your right to whatever naming ceremony you want)

GrimmaTheNome · 22/06/2009 17:17

Ask him if his solicitor seriously thinks he has any grounds or does he just like giving money to the legal profession?

jugglingwoman · 22/06/2009 17:22

BrownEyedMum - why do you want your DS to be Christened? I just realised that you haven't said.

And, technically you don't need him there and he could in fact never know. My clergy friend once offered to baptise my neices in the kitchen sink so their father didn't object/find out. Needless to say, I said no as part of the promise you make at baptism as a parent and/or godparent is that you will bring them up in God's way and support their spiritual life-I didn't feel that would be true if their parents didn't know!

Original poster

BrownEyedMum · 22/06/2009 17:33

Fucksticks you're clearly on my wavelength!! Yes what I quoted was a text and I've kept it, along with the others he's sent me on the subject. He's the sort of guy who makes empty threats all the time, I just wanted some back up that I can turn round and say 'Oh shut it'!
Jugglingwoman the issue with getting baptised without father ever knowing is same as with Posieparker - if he knew nothing about it it would be one thing, but the fact that he does know and refuses changes things.
But yes, the point is he's objecting for no realy religious reasons, and has nothihng against the Christening, is just being a pain in the arse!

OP posts:

Surfermum · 22/06/2009 19:28

If there was a strong reason for him objecting I'd be right behind his right to choose what happens. My dh didn't get to be at his dd's Christening - his ex organised it without consulting him and refused to give him any details. He is the one with a faith, not her, and the first time dh asked to keep dsd a bit longer one Sunday so he could take her to Church she laughed at him and asked why he'd want to do that .

This is obviously a completely different scenario. I think I would maybe advise you to just tread carefully in case it comes back to bite you on the bum. In dh's case, the judge looked very dimly on his ex for not involving him in the Christening, and it supported his argument that she was really angling to get him out of the picture completely. Her "oh but I'm committed to him being involved and having a relationship with her" line didn't really hold water when she'd turned round and said the Christening was nothing to do with him.

Hopefully though you aren't at the stage of solicitors and courts orders, but do think carefully before you act.

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