Christian mums

[evansmummy]

I have the possibility to start a new part-time job in a few weeks time and am really hesitating. I have alwyas thoroughly believed that God wished women to be at home to take caare of their houses and families, and that men were the 'ptoviders'. Before getting pregnant I made sure that the Lord wanted me to follow this path. My husband who is French, has a lot of trouble in finding work in England and has just finished his last temporary job, leaving us with potentially nothing. My question is this: in these circumstances how does God then view the role of men and women? I'd really like your advice/opinions on this 'role swapping', within the context of a Christian family, of course.

Well...I'm a vicar so obviously I'm a Christian and I'm working fulltime (though on maternity leave from Easter Monday with my second!), so I guess its fairly self explanatory that I don't have a problem with a woman (mother)working. A couple of points to ponder:

1. Remember that in the context of biblical and indeed all societies before about the eighteenth century and the industrial revolution, when work suddenly became something that happened in factories and offices, all mothers worked just like fathers - they worked in the home, but so did hte men, as the home unit was the unit of economic production with farming, cottage industry etc. So women working is not new and was never prohibited.
2. Your particular situation and concern seems to be about the 'role swapping' of men and women. I know many Christians are concerned about this - about appropriate gender roles, though its not something I think is important theologically. However, even bearing in mind the concerns people have, I would have thought that the needs of your family came first here, and if your husband doesn't have work that would seem to be a clear indication that God doesn't want him to have to be the 'provider' at this moment and doesn't mind you going and getting some, if you see what I mean! Maybe God wants to give your dh the chance to experience a more hands on parenting role for his personal growth, for example? Hope this helps. Happy to chat more if you like! love, miranda.

I agree with Miranda. I don't think the Bible says a lot about the exact domestic arrangements we should have eg who should do what kind of work & whether it should be paid or unpaid. I think it says lots about the way we should treat one another and our atittudes and values.Otherwise how could it be relevant to all different societies across the world?

I think that as long as we follow Scriptural principles eg looking to the interest of each other not only our own, caring and loving our children, asking for God's guidance and wisdom - we are free to work things out to suit our famuly in the different circumstances we find ourselves in.

I agree with what has been already said. My grandmother worked because her family needed the money to survive. My mum worked because God has given her a particular gift for her to use that would have not been used to its full potential had she stayed at home. God gives us our families to care for in so many ways. Even in Biblical times women ran their own businesses or helped their husbands in theirs or in farming. There is nothing wrong with a father staying at home - after all God provides as Father but he also nurtures and cares for us as Father, too. Equally we are all made in God's image (see Genesis 1:26-27) which to my mind means that women can take on the role of provider, too.

(sorry, very tired, hope that makes sense!)

I'm just thinking of a Psalm, can't remember the number, which says about a woman taking pride in her home and her childreN. How can I do that if I don't have a part in my home? I'm also immensely worried about my husband not feeling fulfilled in a household role. As it is his faith is weak, and this I'm sure would not help. He's so desperate to 'provide', that I'm sure he'd feel undermined...

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In Proverbs 31.10-31 the wife both works at home and has a business - she buys a field, plants vines and sells mercahndise. That doesn't prevent her from having a well-run household and happy children and husband.

Your husband will be providing for you - by being there for your children. So many children hardly see their fathers. They will be very lucky.

Bloss . Crossed posts with you!

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How do you feel about going back to work otherwise? I have just read that your baby is very little still.

Please please don't have a go at me! I only came on for advice. I've only recently converted so am far from being an expert, and having left my only real spiritual aid in France, I'm feeling a bit lost. Bloss thank you for clarifying the verse for me, I had not remembered it very well, nor interpreted it correctly. I would never be able to take on two 'roles' at once. I find it hard enough being a mum, let alone trying to do that as well as working. But I'm also afraid that my dh couldn't be at home with the baby. But that's another discussion I guess. I'm not sure I'm up to going back to work. I'm still very tired, bf and ds doesn't sleep at all well, I'm not sure I'd cope very well. Anyway, thank you for answering my biblical question, and I'm really sorry for having made you angry. I think I just misunderstood. Plus things aren't all that great in general, so I just didn't want to add to the problems. Thanks for your time anyway, and sorry for getting it all wrong.

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(okay, strictly speaking not a Christian mum, but a Christian dad )

Hi evansmummy. I agree with the other posts here, but it sounds like you're not ready to go to work - and that is fine - so I'll pray that your dh gets a good job offer, soon.

Just wanted to pick up on your comment "I would never be able to take on two roles at once. I find it hard enough being a mum, let alone trying to do that as well as working." The reality is, you do do several roles at once - wife, mother, daughter(?), friend, etc. It might help to see part-time work as part of being wife and mother, not an additional role (as in Proverbs 31). But it's not that you could never do it. It's just that right now you're still figuring out how to be a mum, and at that point where it all seems too hard. That's natural! I read your dropped baby thread - I dropped dd when she was a baby - panicked, thought I'd damaged her, thought I was the worst dad in the world...she's fine, and I've survived too! You will gain in confidence - especially with help on mn.

One of the names for God in the Old testament is The Lord Provides/Will Provide/My Provider. Jesus said, God looks after the flowers and birds, and you're more important than they are, so he will definitely take care of you. My family live on a low-ish wage, and regularly go into overdraft. Although we don't let people know when we are in difficulty, we pray, and time and again we've had anonymous envelopes of money (like £300) through the letterbox, or friends from church give us money because they felt God had told them to do so. So, I will also pray that God provides for you at this time!

evansmummy, I'm so sorry that you feel we are angry, I promise we're not! I asked how you were feeling because I am concerned, I know how tough it is with a tiny new one and was worried that you weren't ready to leave him. Please don't go away, you will find lots of support here. Feel free to CAT me if you'd like to chat - although I'm not from an Evangelical background myself we're still sisters in Christ and that means a lot! Remembering you in my prayers.xxx

Just bumping this for you evansmummy.

Hi Evansmum,

I am an American married to a Scotsman, I am a Christian and go to church,my husband believes but doesn't go to church, so I understand dealing with a spouse that has delicate faith.We have an 18 month old daughter and I'd like to stay at home until our daughter is 3,but I think our household would run more smoothly in some ways if I had a part time job. I understand your mixed feelings and questions about it. I have been a Christian for 7 years and I am 27. I have made a lot of mistakes as any human being and try to learn from them, I also as a Christian to to the word and prayer for guidance, though probably not as often as I should. One of the best books I have ever read is called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr.Laura Schlessinger.Like you, I believe that men and women are equal but all have our specific roles to fulfill. From my understanding of scripture, and I have read alot of it over and over,The husband under normal circumstances is to be the primary provider as well as the spiritual leader of the house,but you have to understand God knows us and our hearts he also knows special and often difficult situations arise such as illness and even unemployment, also even if your husband has a fragile faith,The Bible states that the wife is sanctified by the husband and the husband is sanctified by the wife,your faith brings him grace,claim that for your family.If part of a woman's role is nurturing and feeding etc; By working and providing food and basic needs for your family you are not sinning or doing anything wrong, you are being a strong and honourable woman...Proverbs says us wives are not to "eat the bread of idleness" in other words sitting around on our bums stuffing our faces...you are brining honor to your husband and your family by taking the stress off of your husband during what must be a stressful and possibly fearful time for him.He may worry you think less of him. As long as you reassure him that he is the protector of the family and he knows you hold him in high esteem, he will not feel less of a man in any way.You do not seem to be the sort of woman that would hold it over him and give him a hard time.He may respect you more than ever.Don't be afraid, you are not a failure and neither is your husband at being good parents or even Christians for that matter if you must work,this may even help you feel better. I am sorry to hear that you are so tired and frustrated but don't give up.

Hello Evansmummy,

I'm not sure how helpful this will be, but there is a very wide attitude within the christian tradition to the beliefs about the roles of men and women. There are lots of christians, myself included, who find the idea of a man being the 'head of the household' in any sense to be outdated and quite offensive and in contradiction to their understanding of the christian faith, which teaches that all baptised are equal in Christ.

I'm afraid there are no easy answers and this is something that you will have to work out for yourself and your family. I hope you find a solution that works out for you and that makes you happy. xxx

God finds us our roles in life, and sometimes that involves working. My DH becane unemployed twice in the last three years through illness, and I had to keep the family. I didn't even consider that this was against my fath; just thanked the Lord that I had been given the wherewithal to provide an alternative income for us all. We are guided, and everything TRULY happens for a reason. As a result of that time, DH is happy to support me to study theology at Uni, despite him not being a 'believer' as he feels I have earned his support (not that he wouldn't have given it anyway I think). if suitable jobs and chances to improve our lot should come our way, and we feel that it is right for us, then we must trust we have been guided that way.

Thank you all so much for you messages. It's been really encouraging and helpful to read about your opinions. Tbh, I'm not really any closer to making a decision, but at least I can continue knowing that God is on my side and that a Christian mum can also be a working mum. I can't believe I didn't equate the two in the first place, especially with my dh being out of work! Now it's just a question of whether I'm ready to go back to work. And that is an entirely different topic...

Glad you're feeling better .

Good luck evansmummy. xx

I've got two DDs and worked part-time until December, when I took a redundancy. I've always been very open to what God wants to me to about work (I now run my own business from home, which means I'm more available for the children with school, pre-school etc) - but I do feel that God needs Christians in the work-place - in the office where I worked for 9 years, I was probably the only Christian that many people met ever! And as for balancing demanding role and family life, my key verses for my life were and still are "I can do all things through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13) and "whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord and not for me" (Colossians 3:23)

Nice post, Littlemissbusy. . My mum works in a field not noted for its Christian attitude, and she feels that Christians have a duty to work in those sorts of professions to act as a brake on some of the damaging things big business can do.

HELLO I think I posted this last night sorry. I go to chuch on sundays it is a lively church with some good worship songs. I have been going for four years and they have helped me out a time or two which is good they do hands on healing and speak in tongues which I thought was very weird at first but you do get used to it I like it anyway as my dh is not a spritual person at all. Since my gran died I was close to her and miss her dearly and I have found my spiritual side once again it's nice.
I look forward to Sunday night Carl as Joshua for me which is good.

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