bringing a 3.5 year old to Catholic mass, needing guidance

[time4tea]

Hello

I have DS1 aged 3.5, when he was a baby I brought him to mass, but once he got to moving around enough to start being distracting (esp getting into hoo-haa with other littles in the side chapel about toys etc) I realised I just couldn't concentrate and was dreading it, and started going intermittently on my own, although dropping into church occasionally to light a candle with him (which he loves)

I was thinking that advent was a good time to get him started again. last year my father died and it was really good to say "he's gone to God's house"... but I'm wondering what other people's experience is with talking to small children about going to mass, catholicism generally. DH is a non-believer & atheist, although he supports be passing on my religion to both our boys...

would appreciate any tips

I'm not a Catholic - but I do go to a very "high-church" Anglican church, and take ds (now 5), and have done since he was 5 months old ...

Take "stuff" with you - ds has a little bag in which he now puts a colouring book and pens, a drink, some grapes and some crackers. I used to put a couple of books in for him as well.

He's now the one looking after come of the other little ones ... and is really good at pushing the pram (I'm taking dd too, who is 7 weeks old!)

Go for it ... you'll probably want the ground to open up and swallow you - but if your church community are worthy of calling themselves Christians, they'll not bat an eyelid at your ds making noise ...

Also, once you've been going for a while, see if they fancy doing a Sunday School activity during Mass - one of the churches in our parish uses the Faith Map resources during the sermon and intercessions - our church has a separate ~Sunday School - we meet from 15 minutes before the service starts, then feed into Mass during the offertory hymn - it's a lot less stressful for all the parents, as they don't have to try and keep their los quiet for so long!

I'm a practising Catholic (as is my husband) and we take our son (14.5mths) to mass every Sunday/Holiday of Obligation as well as mass on weekdays for funerals/anniversaries etc.

I was really worried about taking a small baby to mass and even more worried about what would happen when he got mobile. Our church has a children's mass on Sundays (for which he's too young) but no 'parent and child' area. You see some people bringing in toys/books/snacks etc but our parish rather frowns on that - although I've never seen anyone openly criticise a parent who did so or chastise any child for making noise - unless that child is old enough to behave properly.

We sit at the front, so he can see what's going on. I take his hand and make the sign of the cross for him and tell him about everything that's going on. He rarely makes a sound (and on the few occasions when he has done so, I've got up and taken him to the back of the church until he quietens down) and he watches whats going on. He gets passed between my husband and myself and, obviously, he can't understand what's happening but there's so much for him to see that he doesn't appear to get bored.

I don't take anything with me to distract him because I want him to learn that he has to be quiet and pay attention during mass and IMO he won't learn that if he has things to play with. Saying that, you do what suits your child and what suits your environment and there's nothing wrong with distraction if it helps a child settle into the routine of going to church.

We are also Catholic and take our DD aged 4 and DS aged 2.5 to mass. Some Sundays it's not easy (with DS, DD is fine going to the children's litergy) but as others have suggested we take a bag full of books, paper, pens and cars and most of the time we can keep him amused.

I sometimes get "looks" from the older members of the congregation but my feeling is that these children are the furture of our church so they should be welcomed...it does make me feel uncomfortable sometimes though, if it gets too much we go and sit outside while mass finishes.

If your Church doesn't have a childrens liturgy you could think about setting one up.
Maybe team up with a few other parents and take it in turns to lead.

We have never had any adverse comments about our kids behaviour in Church, they usually pick up on the solemnity of the occassion and are 'good'. In any event its up to God to be our judge not the other parishoners.

thanks for all these, as i read i am thinking it's not so much other parishioners i'm worried about, it's making sense of it to DS as to what it is about and why we are there.....

time4tea - I have found that ds has absorbed what we are there for almost by osmosis just by being there - his attendance at Sunday School also helps - and of course, we talk about being Christian a lot at home too.

In Sunday School last year, we made a point of making sure that all the children knew (and understood) the Lord's Prayer - they could then take part in a small part of the service - we're gradually expanding what they know about the service - we're doing it in small chunks.

After we've been to Mass, DS regularly wanders around the house singing the Gloria ...