How would you feel about a 19 year old getting more involved in church?

[shouldbeasleep]

I'm 19 and pretty much go to church on my own, although one of my parents comes occasionally. There aren't many people there my age, it's mostly 30+. Therefore I don't really have any friends there and sit by myself. I really like what the church teaches and would like to get more involved. My age is holding me back though, and I'm shy and maybe don't look my age so I'm worried people will think I'm even younger than I am. I'd like to get involved in some of the caring ministries at the church but I'm worried people will think I'm not old enough. What do you think?

It's not about your age. It's about what you want, what you offer and what you want to give.

I don't think you should let your age hold you back at all. Could you speak to the vicar(?) about offering any help. What about writing it all down in a letter and sending that if you feel too shy to start the conversation.

Go for it. Or alternatively look for another church near by with people your age and get stuck in.

I am involved in a church, I run their weekly coffee club for older people. We would absolutely love to have you come and help us out. I wish you came to my church.

I understand it is hard to get started. You feel like a bit of an outsider, it looks like everyone already has their roles and you wouldn't fit in. But you will find your place I'm sure.

Is there a particular thing in your church you would like to get more involved in?

I think you need to find another church. My daughter started attending church in her own at a similar age to you and people were falling over themselves to chat to her and get her involved. The congregation are mostly older than her but five years in she has lots of friends there and lots of involvement. The church your at doesn't sound particularly friendly or welcoming if you're sat in your own every week. 😡

Sorry, I see you said caring ministries. In my experience there is so much need among older people who are lonely or struggle to get out, among families caring for people with illness. In our church we would be thrilled if you offered to join our pastoral care team.
I'm on the care team too and at first I didn't feel like I had much to offer experience wise, I've had a pretty easy life. But people just want to see a friendly face and a listening ear.

Go for it. Do you know who the person to speak to is?

My sister goes to the 18-25 sessions her church runs, as well as the normal service. There are quite a few of then there and they have their own Facebook group etc. Maybe you need to find a church more set up for younger people? I know my sister gets a lot out it. We don't come from a Christian family, she joined after going to Christian youth club at school and was baptised at 15!

My mother goes to a church where most of the congregation are over 30. She was talking about a student who had joined the church and seemed very quiet to start with, but it now getting more involved. They are all thrilled about it.

Get your confidence up to speak to someone, even if it is just offering to help out at coffee time or something. The Vicar is probably the best person to start with though. Just see who looks approachable.

Obviously I would prefer it if there were more people around my age, but I really do like this particular church and there aren't really any others that are similar around me, so I don't think moving is an option right now. There are about five people around my age but they've all been going for years and are friends and although they have been nice enough to me, I feel like I've made it weird recently by not making the effort to approach them because I've felt a bit intimidated.

It's not that they're not welcoming, they are, and were when I first started going, but I suppose they've just become used to me going and not saying much. I feel as though nobody knows me even though that's probably my own fault. It's just hard to build relationships with people who are old enough to be my parents. I feel awkward about it.

Would I just go and speak to one of the leaders and see what they say?

Yes absolutely do that.

Yes. Just talk to the leaders and talk to anyone else you see too.

I started attending my church age 21 and was lucky that there was a great 18-30ish group that I got involved in right from the start, several of whom are now my closest friends. I'm still there 25 years later and we still have a large group in that age range (but then we do at every age from 0 to 100ish!) Over the years, I have got involved in many different activities and I have found that helping with something regularly has been the best way to get to know a wider range of people, so as well as helping others you should find you will make friends too.

When trying to find other people to help with activities, we're always keen to get new people involved but it's a bit "chicken and egg" in that if they've never got involved before we don't know them or don't know their skills. So we love it if people volunteer rather than wait to be asked. So please do volunteer! Depending on the role, there may be training required (and DBS checks if involves elderly, disabled or children) so you might not be able to help straight away, but definitely do ask someone in the leadership and see where it takes you.