Any Muslims here who could offer me some advice please?

[MrsSquirrel]

My dniece has recently converted to Islam and will be observing her first Ramadan this year. Her conversion has caused a kerfuffle in the family because many of them are anti-religious.

The dilemma for me is that my BIL - dniece's father (who really, really doesn't want her to be Muslim) is organising a birthday party for her on Saturday.

Is a party really appropriate for someone observing Ramadan? I don't know much about it, but don't see how a party would fit in with fasting and praying. I know my dniece is looking forward to her first Ramadan. What are your thoughts?

Hi op.

First off, how old is your dneice? If she's not hit puberty yet or is on her period by any on Saturday, she doesn't have to fast and a party would be ok in terms of eating and drinking.
However, if she fits into the category of fit, healthy and able bodied then she will be fasting on Saturday and it will be hard for her to be in an environment where everyone else is eating and drinking. Especially since this is her first ramadhan and the fasting days are very long (fast breaks at sunset), I think it might be too difficult for her.
Also, ramadhan is usually a quiet time of reflection and worship for many Muslims, and a party might be inappropriate in terms of music, dancing and alcohol consumption.

Hi PopTarts

Dneice is in her early 20s, a university student. She expects to be fasting on Saturday. I was thinking that a party would be inappropriate, thanks for confirming that. I don't think dneice wants a party. When I spoke to her over the weekend, she wasn't that fussed about her birthday. She talked a lot about her plans for Ramadan, that is clearly more important to her.

Mrs - in that case I think it would perhaps be best to delay the party till after Ramadan/eid?

Although her wishes should be respected, I do understand how difficult it must for her parents and family to adjust to her new faith. Especially given the negative media surrounding it. Maybe you could suggest to her to find some literature to give to her parents so they can gain more of an understanding?
After all, the 5 basic core principles are so simple and so beautiful.

Thanks PopTarts. That's a good idea, I will suggest it to BIL.

I think you are right about it being difficult for her parents to adjust to her new faith. That's in addition to the usual thing of parents adjusting to their daughter being a grown woman making her own decisions about how to live.

When I talk to dneice about her faith, I can see how much it means to her. I just love her to bits and want to support her if I can.

Hi Op

You could suggest a family dinner or party at the time she breaks her fast. So after 9.00pm. That would be a nice way to support her desire to fast whilst at the same time marking her bday. Ramadhan is quite a family orientated time. Muslims try to make an effort to sit and eat together as a family during Ramadhan and I know some converts who have found it quite lonely fasting on their own especially if their non muslim family are unsupportive. However that might be quite late for you all and she may be too tired to socialise at that time after fasting for the whole day. Is it a surprise party? Ask her how she feels about it.

AFAIK it's not a surprise party, but I don't know if or how much BIL has discussed plans with her yet. I'm not sure it would be a nice surprise for her, especially if she is tired from fasting all day.

I like the idea of going to break the fast with her one day, to show her some support. I think I might try and do that anyway, whether or not this birthday thing happens.

Thanks 5seconds.

Hi there your bil could organise an iftar party, which is basically a party to open fast. Its common to open your fast with dates and water. Then whatever food you want.

Delay the party until Eid and have a joint birthday/Eid celebration?

Some of my muslim friends don't seem to do birthdays at all is this just an individual decision or is it widespread?