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Original poster

My 8yr old dd want to be baptised but i am not Catholic?

36 replies

alittletreat · 17/09/2014 09:47

Should my dd be baptised only because she wants to? Dd is at a Catholic school so most of her school friends have been already baptised as baby or at a very young age. The main problem is that I myself is not religious and do not go to church. Although my mum did go to church! Tbh I don't even know what I have to do to prepare her for baptism or how to approach the priest on this subject? Please advice or comments.

OP posts:

combust22 · 17/09/2014 14:16

Why did you send her to a catholic school if you are not religious? You must have known there would be some indoctrination there.

It's a risk you run if you choose a faith school I'm afraid.

Original poster

alittletreat · 17/09/2014 14:49

We moved house. This is the only local school that happened to have a place available. Also it is a very good school and it is. She is very happy and progressing very well. As I said my mum was a church goer so I do not have a problem with it being a Catholic school.

OP posts:

micah · 17/09/2014 14:54

Go and discuss it with the priest. Most have a house near the church, you can try and catch them and/or make an appointment.

If you go along to mass they usually have a newsletter, ours always has times of classes for older baptisms. Although my friend was 7 and I don't recall her going to classes, being at catholic school maybe enough.

Alternatively have a chat to a teacher. They aren't always catholic themselves, but will know who is. The yr. 3 teacher is always good, as that class will be doing their communion classes.

Good luck!

micah · 17/09/2014 14:55

Oh and I think because she wants to is probably the best reason!

Original poster

alittletreat · 17/09/2014 15:03

Thank Micah. Are you a Christian? What do parents have to do to prepare their child for batipsm. My mum s not around any more so I cannot ask her.

OP posts:

niminypiminy · 17/09/2014 16:25

You might find something like My Baptism Book useful. Good luck!

micah · 17/09/2014 18:32

I'm Catholic. Didn't need to do anything when getting Dc baptised, but I was brought up catholic so had a fair grounding.

If your DD is old enough to decide she wants to be baptised then the parental part may be lessened- usually the parents declare that they are going to raise the child in the catholic faith. Again, something to chat to the priest about, will that still be required (and are you willing) if she's making her own decisions…

I think our church does a course or series of talks to adults wanting to be baptised catholic, so it's not down to the parents to prepare. It's an hour a week, will discuss their choice, commitment, what it means and entails.

She's a bit between-y though, so I'm not sure whether it would be you or her, iyswim.

Lookingforfocus · 17/09/2014 21:38

If you have a bible or can borrow one you can read the third chapter of Matthew together which describes Jesus' own baptism by John. Baptism is the way we enter the church, Jesus said "go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you" Matthew 28:19-20.

jamtoast12 · 17/09/2014 21:54

I think one parent has to be catholic, certainly at our church.

Lookingforfocus · 17/09/2014 22:32

I was wondering about that as you have to promise to raise a young child in the faith at their baptism, but it might depend on the maturity of the child in question and if she is receiving catechisis at school. The best thing is talk to the parish priest.

micah · 17/09/2014 22:43

Jamtoast I think it depends on the priest. I have a relative who's a priest and his philosophy is the more the merrier. Congregations are shrinking, after all. He'll have anyone, divorced, c of e, not baptised- reckons getting them in (and keeping them in )is the important bit:). He would never refuse to baptise someone.

I suppose you don't have to be baptised catholic to promise to raise your child catholic. Dh did, and he isn't catholic.

Lookingforfocus · 18/09/2014 05:55

Hopefully all who desire baptism would be enabled to draw close to Christ. Alittletreat I would just educate yourself about what Catholics believe so you are comfortable supporting your daughter's walk in faith. You can attend RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) classes to learn about the faith with no obligation to join the church.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 18/09/2014 06:14

My dd is Catholic, and an altar girl now and I'm not Catholic.

I'm sure she will be welcomed with open arms, just go and have a chat with the priest, or there will probably be someone at the school (RE teacher?) who can point you in the right direction of the practicalities.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 18/09/2014 06:16

The priest should do it even if you aren't Catholic. One of my friend's DD was baptised in the same circumstance.

Original poster

alittletreat · 05/10/2014 17:18

Just wonder if godparent/s are necessary?

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bouncinbean · 05/10/2014 17:27

If our DD gets into the local school then I also expect this to happen. Largely because she will want to be like her school friends and I'm sure she'll want the fuss, excitement and dressing up of a first Communion. I will support her in an age appropriate way if that happens. The starting point is probably a chat with the local priest to understand how much it will involve as it can vary between churches and priests and to make sure she understands what she is,doing by being baptised...

Original poster

alittletreat · 05/10/2014 22:20

I don't have friends close enough to want to ask to be my dd's godparent. Tbh I don't think they really do much in reality but just turning up for the day.

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Lookingforfocus · 06/10/2014 13:07

In Catholic tradition the godparents should help the parents guide and catechise (teach) the child in the faith. We chose all our children's godparents carefully based on their love and knowledge of the faith - not as a honorary role. They are all great friends of ours and all have kept in touch with our children since their baptisms, including traveling to be present for their first Holy Communion and sending them cards and letters. Next week we are spending five days with our eldest child's godparents - our children begged us to visit them because they are so much fun.

If you know anyone in the school or parish who you particularly like and who is also a practicing Catholic who understands their faith you could approach them. Or ask the priest and parish catechists for suggestions. Any faithful Catholic will be honored to be asked.

TheStarsLookDown · 07/10/2014 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sashh · 08/10/2014 09:11

You can actually do it your self if you want. All you need is some water and the right words.

Does your dd actually understand what baptism is? Or, does she want to wear a white dress and attend the party with the RC children at first communion?

Lookingforfocus · 08/10/2014 10:00

If you are Catholic you cannot "do it yourself" unless in an extreme emergency. Her daughter wishes to be Catholic and therefore should be baptised in accordance with beliefs of the church.

If she is going to be baptised she will also receive preparation in the form of teaching so she fully understands (and so does her mum) what she is undertaking. She will also wear white as a symbol of her new life in Christ at her baptism so if she enjoys dressing up for special occasions (and my children all do!) then she can also have a special outfit for her baptism - although not required.

"The ordinary ministers of Baptism are the bishop and priest and, in the Latin Church, also the deacon. In case of necessity, any person, even someone not baptised, can baptise, if he/she has the required intention. The intention required is to will to do what the Church does when she baptises and to apply the Trinitarian baptismal formula. The Church finds the reason for this possibility in the universal saving will of God and the necessity of Baptism for salvation".
Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 1256.

sashh - when you say "Does your daughter actually understand what baptism is?" what do you believe it is?

Szeli · 16/10/2014 00:38

can they not baptise her as part of the first communion service - one girl at my confirmation got christened too but im c of e

sashh · 17/10/2014 07:00

sashh - when you say "Does your daughter actually understand what baptism is?" what do you believe it is?

That's not really the point is it? It means different things in different faiths. I can tell you what obligations a baptism place on one from different angles eg a baptised RC is allowed to cut her hair and shave her legs a baptised Sikh is not.

RC churches recognise baptism in a C of E church, Jehovah's Witnesses only recognise their own.

What is important is that the child understands what baptism means in the faith she wants to be part of. I'm not sure how old she is, or what her understanding is. Adult baptism in RC churches often incorporate confirmation at the same time because the adult can fully understand the obligations of baptism and make the promises for themselves.

If the child is older then a baptism and confirmation might be an option.

FrancisdeSales · 17/10/2014 08:40

I was just wondering because she won't be baptised in the Catholic church without teaching for both her and her parents to understand what the church believes it to be and with the consent of the parents. Babies and young children (younger than this young girl) will only be baptised if their parents know and understand what baptism is and agree to raise them Catholic. There won't be anything vague about it.

When an adult decides to become Catholic whether they have been baptised or not they will receive at least a year of teaching, in the form of RCIA (The Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) to make sure they fully understand what they are undertaking in deciding to live a Christian life and fully consent.

Original poster

alittletreat · 17/10/2014 11:20

I didn't know people are still responding to this. I am having a meeting with the priest soon so will ask him if we can have dd baptised with out god parent/s. Although a friend of mine did offer to be my dd's god parent I ve decided not to accept it. As I don't wish to give my friend any authority over my 8yr old as I just don't think it is fair on my dd. As i don't think my dd and my friend got on well enough and also their dc1 is a bit of a bossy bully at times. I feel strongly that if it is my dd's decision not mine so dd needs to choose her own godparent/s. And it needs to be someone dd feels close to or at least comfortable with. However the priest said there not problem to baptist dd anyway as my dh is Catholic. But just how to get round that godparent gap?

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