WWYD DS doesn't want to go to church youth group because the leader swears

[Sunnymeg]

That's it really. DS 12 goes to youth group at our church. There have been a few incidents of low level swearing by the leader whilst on church premises. DS has been brought up not to swear at all, his father doesn't swear and I only do under severe provocation! I don't know what to do about this. The leader is a 'down with the kids type' and does a lot of good work, outreach etc. Do I take this to the church leaders or not. I am very confused about what I should do.

I'd have a word with the leader in the first instance, then take it to the church leaders if nithing changes. He should be setting an example really and it's posible to be down with the kids and use their language without the need for swearing

I would do what lackadaisical says - have a word with the leader first and if nothing changes then raise your concerns with the church leaders. I wouldnt expect any adult to be swearing at kids especially if they aren't their own kids - its unacceptable behaviour.

I would say you are proud of your sun for taking a stand on what he believes is right.

And then go and speak to the youth group leader in person. If he is as solid as he seems I would hope he'll be mortified - DS will go back to youth group and the leader won't be swearing in front of everyone else's teenagers either.

I would do what the other posters have said but I would also have a quiet word with your son about acknowledging the positive sides of people and going to the youth group - at the same time showing how you are pleased with him that he chooses not to swear personally. People have flaws but it does not mean they do not have any positive attributes either.

Thanks for the comments. I have emailed the leader asking them to give me a ring before Sunday. I will also have a word with DS as suggested.

I agree with talking to the leader and also raising it with your son. At 12yo he going to increasingly come across people who swear and he isn't always going to be able to refuse to work with them, so he needs some strategies for handling thus sort of situation for himself.

What do you regard as 'low level' swearing? I ask because my experience is that different people have different concepts of what is swearing and what is acceptable. I think this varies regionally and over time. Maybe he doesn't regard it as swearing.

I would imagine this is an issue of how you define swearing. For example my friend finds the words fart and ass unacceptable, but my friend (who is also a vicar) doesn't. I think having a word with the leader is good as I can't imagine he wants to offend anyone. I would also gently suggest to your ds that swearing is not automatically the sign of a bad person.