I'm a Christian but struggling with what's happened today

[Meandthecat]

My DS's friends mum has died suddenly today, she only drove them back from school on Thursday so a complete shock for everybody.
I drove back from football last week and they were laughing and joking not a care in the world and now this.
I just don't understand Gods plan for this family. Church tomorrow, but at the moment I don't think I can go.
I'm a new Christian and this is really testing me.

Sorry to hear about your friend, it sounds such a shock!
I hope you understand you will never fully understand why things happen in life, or what the future holds.
However, at times like this, I would pray for strength to deal with this for the family, and yourself and your family. Be aware of what you can do to help or reassure whoever needs help... Including yourself!

Things like this.....and worse happen all the time. In reality it can't always happen to someone else...sometimes it well affect your life. I hope you can channel your grief into something positive, and not get distracted trying to understand why.

Sometimes, something like this happening can really make you look at your own life and prioritise what is important.

Take care in your family, and don't be afraid to grieve, as things like this take a long time to get over.

I'm an atheist so don't have any advice on the religious front I'm afraid
But this happened very recently and I think you need to give yourself some time
Rationally, you always knew bad things happen, sometimes to good people, yet you still had your faith
Because it's so close, you still need to grieve for this person
Try and let yourself go through that process without having to address the question of your faith as well
Give yourself some time and concentrate on you, your children and your friends family, if you can offer some support

Thank you both for your replies.
Yes it is such a shock, have been praying for strength for all of us. I don't understand why this has happened, but I can't dwell on that, I need to be there for the my son, his friend and his family.
Thank you again, I do appreciate you replying.

It's a horrible shock when these things happen, but tragedies have been happening every day since the first humans walked on the earth.

“He said not 'Thou shalt not be tempested, thou shalt not be travailed, thou shalt not be diseased'; but he said, 'Thou shalt not be overcome.”
? Julian of Norwich
It must be difficult to come to terms with this when you are still relatively new in your faith, but a faith in a God who prevents bad things happening to good people is not a faith that is going to thrive, it will be like the seed that falls in a rocky place in Matthew 13 - springing up quickly and growing at first but dying down when trouble comes along. Bad things always have and always will continue to happen to all kinds of people. Your faith can help you to withstand the slings and arrows, but it won't stop them from coming.

This is one of the most difficult things about faith. Awful things happen, we don't know why and can't explain them. The thing that always comforts me though is knowing God is there. Just that helps me through the bad times and I sometimes find myself with unexpected answers through prayer.

Life is so much bigger, I believe than we humans are able to understand so sometimes I don't try, I just take the comfort and rest on my faith.

Your friend will be relying on you I am sure as a supportive friend. If you are feeling distant from God perhaps the practical things about being a good friend to this family will allow you to express and explore your faith but, as others said above, this is also a terrible shock for you and these things take time to come to terms with and we probably will never understand why they happen. You need to be kind to yourself also. Stay away from church if you need to but if you go you may find some unexpected comfort. Take care.

gods plan for the family??

well there you go. His plan was obviously to shit all over this family.

maybe your god is either not what you thought, or there is no plan

I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a terrible shock for all of you.

One of the great temptations of our age is to believe that life is fair. It isn't, but Christians believe that God is with us in the person of Jesus who lived, died and rose again. Being a Christian isn't spiritual life insurance which means that nothing bad will happen to us. What we have is a place to take questions and a place to scream and shout when life gives us and those we love a right kicking. The psalms are a good resource if you want to shout at God.

When I've had to deal with situations like the one you describe I've found that practical help such as that suggested by gingerdodger is a way I can help. Be led by your friend about the support she needs.

This is a prayer I've used and it may be helpful:

O God why (name)
We long for an answer
but not answer is good enough
She is gone
and we are left with questions
Grant us the courage to leave her with you
This we ask in the name of Jesus.

There's no plan, only free will and a knowledge that death is not to be feared.

That's comforting for those that are dying but it answers nothing for the grief of those left behind.

I can only encourage you to rage at God, he's big enough to take it.

I have found that my faith doesn't leave me with the deaths I've suffered but instead it gives me someone to yell at, knowing that love is still present in the pain.

There is no reason your friend is dead, life is chaotic and tragic but we live that with God and the people around us.

Church is for us to see God in other people and to feel god in us when we comfort and be with others in terrible times.

Thank you for your replies,
Church helped, I can't explain or understand why this has happened but I can and have offered my support.
Took the boys to football today and they are all being amazingly supportive to their friend. They are obviously in shock but I have said I will take them to the funeral if they wish.
God is with me and will guide me on what to do.
I take great comfort from this. Thank you again x

Meandthecat a friend of mine died recenetly, we were not close but I was very sad. The funeral is next week.

These things are so hard. I would rather go through them with God than without.

I do believe God has plans for us, and wants the best for us, but we live in an imperfect world and I don't believe that everything that happens is part of God's will. It would be very hard to suggest that this is God's will for the family. I hope you will find the strength to be a supportive friend to the family and that you will find peace amid this anguish.

Lauriefairycake- that to me seems quite a childish attitude- to look for someone to blame.
Death is part of living, and that means that bad things happen- it's no-one's fault, and learning how to accept these things is what part of being a grown up person entails.
Why the "rage"? That's what a toddler would do.

My mother died when I was 18, I was already an atheist by then, I was devestated obviously but didn't "need" strength from a nonexistent entity I had the love and support of my family and friends.

I don't understand how something like this would make you question your faith and yet you happily go on believing despite all the truely awful things your supposed god allows to happen all over the world every day ?

I don't think it is at all childish to want to rage about things that seem unfair or unjust or just down righht awful. Maybe it is child-like, because sometimes children feel things in a way we forget how to. It is childish to rage because you can't have a toy or another cake, but to think of a family loosing their mum at a young age, IMHO, that is normal.

For me faith does not answer every question, not by a long chalk. But I feel God is with me in the sorrow of life (and I am very fortunate not to have had a lot of it to deal with). For families who do suffer they have to somehow come through it, and I feel sometimes God does help in this.

Sorry - that is normal to feel rage about something like that I mean.

Why doesn't your god prevent this sufferiing then? Seems pretty cruel to me.

atthestrokeoftwelve was that question directed at me or the OP?

If it was directed at me, I would say we have free will and live in an imperfect world. I don't expect God to step in every 5 minutes to change things. But I know atthestrokeoftwelve where you are coming from, and I understand it. I will never totally understand God, or life on this planet, or other people. But i would rather be alive and live alongside other people and know God than not, even if I don't understand it. But I think as Christians we have to be careful that we cannot always explain things and when people suffer we want to suffer alongside them and be with them and we can' just pull an answer out of our pocket, and even if we could, it may well not help. And I am sure the OP is being a supportive friend, which is what people need at times like this. They might like answers but I am not sure any answer would fully satisfy. And this is all just my humble opinion, of course.

Sorry for your loss, OP. Here's a quote for you:

You did not say you were the answer
You said you were the way
You did not ask us to succeed
You asked us to be faithful
You did not promise us paradise tomorrow
You said you would be with us to the end of the world

OP. so sorry that's happened. how are things now? stupid question I know, just want to offer some comfort.

branleuse im a chiristian yet I find myself nodding my head with your post.
my faiths all but gone after so much shit has happened to DC and me. and ive been a faithful loyal believing praising Christian for years.

I took off from God when something terrible happened, LetZygon. I was gone for a long time, full of rage. Finally, I got to the point that I desperately needed comfort and, unlike Snow, I had no family and my friends had deserted me - I had no-one at all. I was full of rage towards God but there was nowhere else to go, so I let him have it. It was a relationship, of sorts. Probably the most honest I had ever been with him in my life. It was my truth at that time, I didn't hold back.

Terrible things have continued to happen in my life, and to others around me, and I can't express the comfort God gives in it all. I simply couldn't survive without him.

OP I'm sorry this terrible thing has happened. It makes no sense, as you say, and things like this happen all over the world, have always done and always will. He says 'I am with you until the end of the age' so let him comfort you - he will - and continue to pray for the comfort of the family and friends left behind.

The psalms are a great comfort when your heart is breaking.

because bad things happen to good people
love survives it all
god is your rock, the shelter in the storm
god will lend you the love and strength you need
nobody understands why
xxx

I believe in god, but after my children were stillborn I'm struggling with it. I'm finding no comfort in bible/sermon/hymn/prayers platitudes. Basically there are no reasons for it happening, no meaning (despite being told that everything happens for a reason...). I still believe in god but I'm very angry and I can't imagine a time when I won't be.

I don't think that happened to you for a reason, I didn't get MS for a reason. God can't be that mean. Those things happen and it's shit. God knows how horribly unfair and frustrating it is and carries the pain and the burden with us. Always with us.

xxx