Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Philosophy/religion

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Original poster

Baptism - am I a hypocrite?

35 replies

Weenugget · 22/01/2014 18:00

I would like to have my Daughter baptised in my local church. I was baptised there but am not currently a member or a churchgoer (although my family are members) and most significantly I am not a believer. I went as a child and went to Sunday school and although I don't believe I find church a comforting welcoming place and I find Christians (the ones I know) to be kind generous people with a set of values that I would like my dd to have. So am I hypocritical to have my dd baptised and take her to church to learn about something I don't believe in? I kind of see it as bringing her up in a community with a set of principles and values that I admire with some "stories" to support said principles! Is that wrong?

OP posts:
Tommy · 22/01/2014 18:04

you sound at least like you have thought it through very carefully - which many don't.
You sound honest - which is not a characteristic of a hypocrite!

Original poster
Weenugget · 22/01/2014 18:33

Thanks tommy! I really have thought about it a lot as I'm worried about doing the wrong thing.

OP posts:
sunnyspot · 22/01/2014 20:55

I don t think it s hypocritical Weenugget.
You don t have to be a believer to go to church. At our church I have met people who come for other reasons such as for the community spirit and friendship, for the singing, the opportunity to reflect on life, etc. All are welcome.
I'm sure if you are open with your dd she will make up her own mind as she gets older.

Dutchoma · 22/01/2014 21:20

I don't think it is hypocritical either. But if I were the minister/vicar/pastor of that church I would want to explore with you why you are not a believer. And I would hope that you could be open to seeing why other people believe and what makes them the people you would like your daughter to grow up with.

RandomMess · 22/01/2014 21:21

I suppose I think why get her baptised, why not take her along weekly and get her involved?

Tommy · 22/01/2014 21:31

make an appointment to meet with the minister and say what you just wrote - it would be interesting to see what they thought

fizzoclock · 22/01/2014 23:31

I think it's great you want to take your dd to church. Baptism isn't required to go to church though, it's a sign of faith.
Have a read of the liturgy (the words the minister/vicar/priest says and the responses) and see if you are able to believe in and be committed to the statements you have to make. If you are then go ahead. If not maybe just wait until either you feel more certain of the faith commitment involved or until your dd is able to make her own choice. You can baptise toddlers/children/adults....there is no rush!

LittleBabyPigsus · 23/01/2014 04:23

Doesn't sound hypocritical to me at all, sounds very normal. Many of the people at church will have varying levels of faith and some won't even believe at all. It sounds like they are a welcoming and kind church, and that's what matters tbh. And everyone has the right to have their child baptised in their parish CoE church (in England) by law.

inkyfingers · 24/01/2014 19:53

Lots of churches do a thanksgiving for parents who don't actually believe in infant baptism (eg baptists) and also C of e. We didn't have our DCs baptised. Thanksgiving is what is says. You can have sponsors (godparents) and church family promises to help you bring up your daughter in the faith. She can be baptised any time later if she wants.

HoneyandRum · 24/01/2014 20:55

I would just wonder if you have your child Baptised and take her to church immersing her in the culture how you would feel if she encountered God and decided she did believe?

Svina · 24/01/2014 21:02

I don't think it is hypocritical to take her along and allow her to experience church, and as a pp said, get involved.

But baptism?

Baptism is important for parents who believe their child needs to be baptised to go to heaven should they die untimely. If you don't believe this, then why not wait until she is old enough to make up her own mind about being baptised?

Annunziata · 24/01/2014 21:03

Yes, you are. Why do you want her to be part of a church when you don't believe in God? Plenty of non religious people have good values.

simonthedog · 24/01/2014 21:06

If you want her to experience the church why not let family members take her there. She can then make her own mind up either way when she is old enough.

specialsubject · 24/01/2014 21:08

I agree. Atheists have values too.

by all means teach her what people believe, but that means more than just one set of beliefs.

also doesn't baptism mean some promises from you too? How can you make those when you don't believe what you are saying?

LittleBabyPigsus · 24/01/2014 22:08

Svina that's not true. Baptism is the person being welcomed into the church community. The OP is talking about a baptism in the Anglican church which does not believe baptism is necessary for infants to go to Heaven, and iirc even Catholics no longer believe that since Limbo is no longer part of church doctrine (Catholics please correct me if I'm wrong).

Svina · 25/01/2014 00:43

Thank you for the correction.

Quinteszilla · 25/01/2014 00:55

No, you are just opening the door to faith for your child. In time it is up to her if she wants to close the door. Or enter. ( confirmation)

Custardo · 25/01/2014 00:56

if you dont believe in it then yes - you are fullof shit

however if you are you are doing this for the subsequent piss up = fair do;s

LittleBabyPigsus · 25/01/2014 02:18

Lots of non-religious parents get their kids baptised because they want to be part of the church community. If OP wants to bring her DC up in the church community then she's not being a hypocrite at all - that is what baptism is, welcoming the person (child or adult) into the church community. It would be different if she didn't want the child to have anything to do with church, but that's not the case. The parent not believing doesn't affect the baptism. Given that by law everyone has the right to have their child baptised in their parish CoE church regardless of belief, I don't see the issue. If it was about the parents' belief then that law wouldn't be there.

atthestrokeoftwelve · 25/01/2014 16:03

Yes you are a hypocrite.

LittleBabyPigsus · 25/01/2014 22:26

I think the people saying you're a hypocrite misunderstand what baptism is for.

MrsBungle · 25/01/2014 22:31

Personally I find it odd that a non-believer would have their child baptised but each to their own.

MotherIsTheBestBet · 25/01/2014 22:56

Op I went through this dilemma when dd was born. Decided against. Regretting it now. Still not exactly a believer but feel I have denied her a very important part of my heritage for the sake of a kind of intellectual stubbornness. Not to mention having severely restricted our choice of schools for her by not doing it, but that's a whole other thread...

MrsCosmopilite · 25/01/2014 23:01

I think that you should let your daughter make her own choice about being baptised, as and when she feels ready.

However, it sounds as though the church feels like a welcoming and friendly place for you. Perhaps you should go along for a while with your DD, and chat to the minister?

I was baptised as a child, but am now a pagan. I've not had my DD christened or baptised, but if, when she is older she wants to go that route, that's fine.

CheesyBadger · 25/01/2014 23:03

I did it with my dd with the same background and reasons. It felt like something I wanted to do and I was honest with the vicar