Crabbiesnlime (great name), I thin life is a gift, a miracle, and it is great to enjoy it. I am a Christian and want to express my love of God and my fellow people by doing whatever good things I can do. I want to express my love of myself, because you can't “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbour as yourself. without living yourself!
I think if I can read between the lines you are asking more than one question, and your question seems to be also why do bad things happen, or why do bad things happen to good people?
I agonise over that myself. I have found if there is an antidote to that poison of agonising over the sadness of life it is to do some good, to write protest letters, support charities, support friends etc, and also to enjoy the things of life. The good things.
I get emails from upworthy www.upworthy.com
I may not agree with all the messages on the site but I find some very inspiring.
This one is amazing ...
www.upworthy.com/how-could-a-group-of-college-kids-do-this-to-an-incoming-freshman-because-theyre-geniuses-3?g=2&c=upw1
When I watch it, I feel so very sad that someone has such a hard start in life and it could easily make one feel desperate, yet the rest of the clip is inspiring!
What do I take from all this, to find the good, to pursue it, to cling onto it. To do our best to be the good in other people's lives. I have no answers about why bad things happen to people except this world is not perfect. For me God is part of all this and drives me on to live a better and more wonderful life.
All best wishes for this.