Heartbroken after my cat’s accident

[4littlepawsies]

Please help me through the death of my sweet male cat.

Until a week ago, I was the proud mum of two male and a female cat. I had only planned for the first male when I decided to get a cat, then life brought the other two in my life as they needed a home.
The third one in particular I found as a kitten roaming between large vehicles one Saturday night whilst I was working. As in my eyes it was an accident waiting to happen.
I ended up bringing him home and making him ours after searching for his owners failed. Thant was 11 months ago. Fast forward to a week ago, I was working on my drive and he got run over by a car in front of me. Whilst I was in shock at the time, it all hit me the next morning.
I am crying multiple times a day, and leaving my house/ coming back to it seems the hardest thing I have to do. If I am walking home I start crying 15min before I reach it.

I feel so guilty about not getting him inside sooner, or letting him outside altogether. I keep reliving the whole thing in my mind and cannot believe I won’t see him again.

He was also a therapy cat for us as we were grieving the rehoming of another neighbourhood cat that was very dear to us. I felt at the time of finally giving our beautiful boy a home that he was sent to mend our hearts and help us move on. Now I don’t understand why they he was taken away from us.

At the time of the accident he heard an incoming car( him being on the other side of the road) and decided last minute to run away towards the house. He basically jumped in front of the moving car. I cannot get past the fact he died scared. I don’t think he was aware of me being there with him when he took his last breath. It was so horrid I would not wish this to anyone.

Some wise words would really help. I have so many questions, what happens to animals when they pass away? Do they still stick around for a while like humans are supposedly doing? Do they just remain as another form of energy? Can we get signs form them?

Help! 😭

Iist sad to lose them especially in such a tragic way .
Don't feel bad about letting him out though. Our two were born outside and like the choice to go out. Female doesn't go far but the Male likes a good old look round his garden like he's a Laird. He's away from traffic but if anything did happen then I feel his life of freedom to explore his domain is better than being indoors , albeit shorter.

You'll keep "seeing" your boy out of the corner of your eye and your other cats will miss him.
But one day he might send you another cat . Not to replace him, but to fill the gap he's left

I am so sorry for your loss. A friend recently ran over a neighbours cat. She didn't see him and he was deaf so just a dreadful accident.

I have lost two cats and one definitely came back. I saw her twice walking down the hallway into the kitchen. Some people will say I'm crazy but 1) it is a proven phenomenon and 2) what harm does it do? I took it as a big comfort as I had had her for nearly 19 years and I told her we were rescuing two cats soon so she'd have someone to watch over.

It takes time, give yourself all that you need.

Oh what an awful thing to happen. I had a beloved girl cat who was killed in front of me (by a dog, not a dog-hating comment I have a dog I adore) and I understand how traumatic this was for you. I also had a cat killed by a car and I always thought, ‘What if I called her in earlier. What if what if.’

The reality of having cats who go outside is that this can happen. I’m so sorry for your loss. It will ease. I promise it will. We’re here for you in the meantime. I’m sure you gave your beautiful cat a lovely life.

Thank you all for your replies.

9 days later we lost a very close family member too who had been terminally ill. On the day my boy died I was rushing to get as many things done as I was expecting to have to travel soon for an imminent burial.

I am keeping my other babies indoor now, and they are very upset about it. Also the female cat, who had bonded with the boy, has been very vocal and very affectionate. She has been trying for the last couple of days to get under the cover, just like my boy was doing. He would spend a good amount of time there, but she just wants to have a look.

His ashes are back but I still cannot bring myself to go get them.

@70isaLimitNotaTarget I do hope I will get to see him again. And I do hope that my deceased relative is now with him.
The evening he passed away, when I came home and I was preparing the food for the other two, I had the bowls on the kitchen sink and next to me a basil plant. In a cardboard container pouches of food. Two pouches moved, which I could explain as I had just taken one out, but also one basil stalk in the middle moved too. As if he was trying to get to the bowls from the other side of the counter as he normally did. Maybe it was just me hoping it was his energy, or a way the plant moved without me being able to explain it. My remaining cats are the same: the female doesn’t venture far, sometime she likes to go on the drive or next door drive, and the male likes to watch the back street from the garage roof tops as he is quite territorial.

@12234m I do not think you are crazy. I like to believe my eldest male cat is the cat I lost when I was a kid, same temperament as kittens. I actually came across a medium that has shows in theatres and connects with spirits, she will be in my area in October but would love to go with someone, I know my partner would not be up for it.

@afaloren I am so sorry you had to go through this horrific experience twice. The pain has already eased and I don’t feel near as bad as when the other cat in the neighbourhood got rehomed. And I feel guilty about that too.Both my other cats hate being kept indoors now. We were doing this with them all from time to time to give birds a chance to grow their chicks as they were such an easy prey. One of them actually became really ill in the beginning before we even allowed her outside at all. I’ve had different things happen to cats in the past and I believed I was taking their freedom away by keeping them indoors. And they will seek opportunities to escape too.

I just realised I had a dream about all my cats last night. It felt they were all there but I could not really see the one that passed away. He had a totally different colour and fur pattern. It is an unusual thing as I stopped having vivid dreams since starting acupuncture.

I'd go with you. I went to a show and the woman next to me grabbed the mic and everything the lady was saying on stage was directed at me. I wish I'd had the guts to say it about me.

So you are saying it was all accurate? I was so desperate in the beginning to reconnect with him, to tell him how sorry I was I failed him by not getting him indoors sooner.
I still want to do this, let me know if you really want to go and I can send you the details in case the area is convenient to you. X

Yes, so many things she was saying I just kept gasping about but wish I'd stood up. I am a bit woo and what harm does it do anyway? We were all told to put questions in a box and I feel like mine must have been pulled out. She even called my daughter the name my Nana used to, only one to do so and nothing she could possibly have known.

I would go with you.