Hey, goldfish experts (and by that I mean anyone who can keep one alive for more than 6 weeks) - my goldfish has a lump. It's going to die, isn't it?

[MadEyemarthamooDy]

Any ideas? Pea sized lump behind (not on) its gill on one side. Seems otherwise well.

I don't know why I'm asking...I know it's going to die...but the cunning creatures keep thinking of new ways to cark it.

This is fishie no. 5 in a year, btw.

Anyone want to buy a really nice tank?

Our goldfish conveniently died just before we were leaving on holiday (had arranged glodfish-sitting for it, not that calous). I think it's just their lifespan. They are supposed to have short memories. Perhaps they forget to breathe too.

It doesn't necessarily mean it is going to die. It may need some boost stuff put in the water.

DH murdered our goldfish. He said he was sick of it. Honestly was unbalanced, how can you be sick of a goldfish fgs? 'He just goes round and round - it's annoying.'

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We had one that committed suicide once - it jumped out of the tank.

Yes, he did used to shout at it. Poor fish. He said it had 'limited interests'. It's a FISH fgs.

Anyway ds2 won it at a fair, and it lived against all the odds until dh got so annoyed with it. He said it looked at him when he was eating his breakfast.

I quite fancy a poncy tank with poncy fish. Would be restaurant-chic, but I need to talk dh though this first.

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ds1 would love that. I fancied something sort of like a plasma telly with little blue lights. You have to clean them out a lot I think.

I'm loving the suicide fish.

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You called your fish Fergal Sharkey? lolololol.

Ours, once cleared for safety, will be called Passion, and Flower and Hortensia and things like that. Can't wait.

Ours has blue LED fancy pants lights that recreate dusk and dawn and make the bubbles from the filter glow neon blue.

Fish still keep on dying though. Ungrateful wretches.

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oooh I like your tank madeye, I like one like that. Why do they die then?

We need someone to tell us about the lump. Is it not a bit of food stuck on its gill or something? I don't know anything about fish by the way, except that they DON'T stare at you when you're having your Weetabix.

The spongebob tank is scary.

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Flower and Passion will turn up their little exotic fishy noses at that. They want state of the art, dawn and dusk and artfully arranged weeds.

We have a BiUbe, not a BiOrb (like your link, cod, but a cylinder rather than a sphere). We have Spongebob and Sandy figures in it though to maintain the tackiness-factor.

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Course she has a helmet on! Haven't you seen the episode where she takes it off to prove land creatures are superior to sea creatures and nearly drowns ?

Our tank - but try and imagine it with Spongebob figures and lumpy, diseased fish

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Where Spongebob is a sponge on a stick and Sandy is a hand puppet with a jam jar on her head...it's so funny.

I think she is contaminated. she is responsible for spreading diseases to your fish. GET HER OUT.

MadEye - your fish is going to die.