I need some helping wording an email to get out of sharing my dd's 5th birthday

[paranormalghostygoat]

About 6 months ago one of the other mothers who's dc go to school with my dd suggested we could hold a joint party for our dd's in january. I thought this was fine at the time but now seeing as she's really quite mad and I'd quite like to do dd's 5th birthday myself as it's the first we're doing. It's also going to be about 5 miles away instead of in the village.
I know it would be mainly the same kids going but am I just being difficult or should I put up with it and hope it'll all work out?

I was going to talk to her in the playground but her dc's quite often get dropped off my someone else or she's moaning about something else happening to her.
So am I ok to email her something along the lines of

" didn't get a chance to talk to you today but was going to say did you mind if I did dd's birthday myself this time and not as a joint with your dd? It's just that this year we can hold the birthday on her birthday (date) and in our village so it would be nearer and easier for me."

What do you think?

I think you should be honest and tell her that as it is your DD's 1st birthday party you want it to be really special. You could even say that other family members have asked what you are doing so you think it would be better to do them separately since it is going to be overrun with your family?

To be honest 6 months is a long time ago and I bet she is not in the least bit upset - I would completely understand if someone said that to me. As long as the birthdays don't clash on the same weekend. You could say it would be easier etc but to be honest I would not bother and I would not even give her the chance to object (ie do you mind) just tell her that's what you have decided with an apology tagged on the end IYSWIM

That's what I would do anyway but tact is not always my middle name!!!

Good luck!

I had the exact same situation, where I'd agreed to a joint party, but in the end DS said he really didn't want to do this. So I explained to the mum that DS was feeling a bit shy and really only wanted to have a smaller, boys only party. The other mum looked a bit dumbstruck when I mentioned it - turned out she'd completely forgotten our supposed joint arrangement and had booked something else in the meantime.

Can't you pretend you forgot? Or say your DD really wants her own party?

Don't put "It's just that this year we can hold the birthday on her birthday (date) and in our village so it would be nearer and easier for me" as that just gives her scope to say "Oh that date and venue is fine for us too, thats not a problem"

I would say that as its your DDs first proper party she would rather have it so that its just her party

I would not recommend emailing. What if she doesn't see it, and then you are like = did you get my email' the next day...

Just be honest and say that you want to have a special day just for her.

You could also offer to liaise with her to avoid a clash - that would be friendly

thank you I think you're right perhaps emailing is not right but I think i'll do the we've had a lot of family want to come along and perhaps I might even get a grandparent to pay for some of it to.

Will make sure it doesn't clash with hers - must remember this.

Thank you for your advice