Inviting children to DS's party - does anyone else feel guilty about children they have not invited?

[tessieb]

It's my ds's 7th birthday soon and he is taking a 'few' friends for a bowling party. I originally thought a maximum of 10 children, but as ds has so many friends at school he wants to invite and got upset trying to choose, we're now having 15!

The problem is, today at school ds was given 2 party invitations from children he hasn't invited to his party. As all the partys are within a few weeks of each other I feel as if I ought to invite these children too even though ds doesn't really play with them. He can't actually go to either of these parties as we already have other things arranged on those days.

Over the last year a lot of children in ds's class have had massive parties and invited the whole class (30!!!) and so there are some children whose party ds has been to who are not invited either.

There is another child in the class whose mum I chat with a lot, but ds says he never plays with him and so we haven't invited him either.

I just feel soooooo bad not inviting the lot, but when I think of the cost I know I can't. It's just so difficult. Do you think I should invite the children who have just given out invitations, the ones whose parties ds has been to and the child whose mum I chat with too? Oh no, that is almost the whole class!!!!!!!

It's your DS's party so let him choose his best friends, regardless of who's invited him before, or who's mum you like best. I've thrown parties for DS1 where I've invited those who had invited him to theirs, and the mums I liked best, but like you said you can't always invite everyone. He will enjoy the party more if his best friends are there and I'm sure the mums will understand that it's not personal!

Yes we have the same problem here. DS has been invited to so many parties and if we would be inviting all kids back we'd have around 30-35 kids which I would never do!

He has chosen 10 kids he really wants to come and he is happy with that. I feel a bit guilty especially some mums I get on well with but their DC isnt invited! ( on is a mumsnetter)

I used to have dreadful guilt problems about not inviting people. The worst was when DD was PT at nursery and PT at school. We had 45 that year!!I must have been mad.

Exactly the same problem here. Have managed to cut ds list from 23 to 18 so at least I'm making progress...
I'm just so uncomfortable with the idea of making him 'choose' his friends when he's friendly with so many. On the other hand it's not a terrible problem to have - better than the alternative I suppose!

on is a mumsnetter should read one is a mumsnetter

Yes, I suffer dreadfully from teh guilt thing. As a result I ahve always spent a fortune on big parties....

Have struggled with the guilt thing for the first time this year - DS's Birthday was at the end of the Summer Hols (last weekend) so had a v small party. I tried to think of it from the uninvited point of view - all the other parents know how expensive a whole class party is, and so surely understand why you would choose not to have one. I would suggest the main thing is to make sure no one is being left out who thinks they are a special friend of your DC, and that there is not anyone in the class who always gets left out.

I don't feel guilty. I think it's unfeasible to continue to invite everyone from the class and as children get older they make definite friendships which tend to last and also want to do more expensive things for their birthday parties.

My DS2 turns 7 in a few weeks time and we're doing a football party at the local sports centre. We can have up to 20 children but having done football parties for 20 children there for DS1 when he was younger, have decided to limit it this year to 14 boys including DS2.

If he gets invited to any parties by children who he's not inviting to his in the meantime then we will decide together whether he wants to go their parties but not feel that we've got to invite them to his.

It's just so difficult, isn't it?

Last year ds had 27 children to his party and we hired a church hall and had a disco. I remember that was difficult too deciding who to invite and I felt bad about it. Then again, 27 (plus a few brothers and sisters and parents stopping) was more than enough!

We've managed to reduce numbers this time by not inviting as many from his class and not inviting my friend's children. As we're bowling, some of them are too young. I thought it was better just to have it as a school friends party and keep numbers lower. I'm really pleased ds has so many friends but it does make who to invite/not invite to parties complicated!!!!

Interestingly, ds was quite pleased when I said he couldn't go to the 2 parties he has just recieved invitations for (we do have other plans both those days). I think he got a bit fed-up of too many parties last year, so I think he'd prefer to go when it is a close friend who is inviting him.

Yes, I feel a bit bad, because DC don't get invited to many parties themselves.
However, I hate the inappropriate toys they tend to get as gifts from party attenders, so that alone makes me want to limit numbers (10-11 guests each this yr). They choose, except DS3 (who is only going to be 5 and doesn't know anybody, yet). I suppose I'll pick all the boys in his class, which is close to being just 10 or 12 kids, anyway.

I know what you mean about gifts from parties - we often end up with duplicates or things ds looks at once then loses interest. Then again, gifts I buy for ds's class friends may not be what they want as it's so difficult when you don't really know the child! The whole party thing just costs a fortune, with having parties and being invited back to parties. And party bags, whoever thought of those.....

Anyway, still having huge guilty feelings about the children I haven't invited.

Don't feel guilty, and don't feel sad if your DS ever doesn't get invited to someone else's party.

Every mum must have the same dilema

no, I tell ds how many he can have (his age), he always wants one more, I agree. He decides, I have no guilt about it at all.
Similarly I don't expect ds to be invited to others parties, or for others to even have parties. ds went to about a quarter of the class last year, if that.

A quarter of the class would be amazing. A quarter of the kids invited to the parties we hold, would be just as surprising. DC get invited to 3-4 parties a year on average, no matter how many came to their own party.

a quarter of his class would only be 5 anyway , so not that much more.