7yr old birthday party - autistic guest

[FatThighs]

My son is having a party soon. He has an autistic friend in his class and he is invited to the party. I am just concerned as in the past everything at the party has been quite straight forward and he has been able to understand as all the games have similar rules. This year I have looked up lots of games from the net and some are more complex. I know that the others need more tricky things, but how shall I make sure ALL his friends i are included?

If it was me (and I'm only suggesting this)I would forget about more complicated games and choose fun games that the autistic child can play as well. Things such as a treasure hunt with picture clues, making something (wizards' wands, a pirate's hat etc) and a lego building competition, where it doesn't matter whether your child's friend builds a good design or not. I guess it depends how autistic he is. You could always ask his mum what sort of things he likes doing and base one of the games around that.Or you could have the party at a soft play area where you know they'll have fun and you wouldn't have to organise any games!

Do you speak with his mum at all? if so you can discuss with her the type of games you have planned and i am sure she can tell you whether she thinks he would be able to join in or not.

the autistic spectrum is pretty huge though so he may have something like aspergers and would probably enjoy the structure of a game that has a few complex rules, on the other hand he may be more like my son and just not follow at all...in which case he would just wander off and do his own thing.

maybe you could choose a couple of the new games to try, and if he isn't able to join in revert back to the tried and trusted.

its fab that you have invited this lad though...really gives me hope for my own son, he is 6 and in MS but yet to be invited to a party

Thank you for the feedback - the little boy in on the autistic spectrum but high funtioning. He has a full time classroom assistant but I hope he integrates into the class well.

BATtymumma - do you have any ideas for something else I could have to hand if he wants to go off and do his own thing? Or I could ask his mum - she said she will stay to the party - it is more that I want to feel he is involved.

I am proud of my son as he says he is lucky to have a friend like this because he isn't into football and lots of competitive stuff and so he enjoys spending time with this boy as he does interesting things my son says he wouldn't have thought of.

I hope and I am positive that your son will have a similar experience. I love my son for his 'lifes rich tapestry' approach to life - has taught me a lot!

Why not
a) speak to the mum and discuss with her see if she feels confident he'll be happy with the plans for the party, and if she looks concerned ask her advice on a game he'll enjoy.
b) ask over in special needs where many mumsnetters have children who are autistic.

Agree with everyone really - talk to the mum and find out what he likes to do. At ds1's b'day party, one of his friends is autistic, and we just adopted a 'let him do what he feels like' policy, so he joined in running round the garden, playing football, but we also had the train track upstairs (brio) so if he needed a bit of space from the other children he could go and have some quiet time on his own.

Might be worth checking what food he likes as well!

My ds would probably justtake himself into a seperate room and hunt for the car box or train track too.

I think if mum is coming i wouldn't panic as much, she will be able to tell when he is getting a little anxious/over excited and so can guide you as to whats the best course of action.

At the end of the day he is feelign included already by being invited, trust me thats a lot more than many ASD kids feel.

He obvioulsy has a good freind in your DS and so ask what sort of games they play together, it osunds like they both have similar interests so whatever you have chosen for your DS would probably be good for this lad too.

I wanted to thank everyone so much for their advice - it was SO useful!

Thought I would update you on the party that happened today. As suggested I set up the brio and other things in my son bedroom. At the start I said to EVERYONE 'if you feel bored or the games are too much there are some things upstairs - but only to play quietly.' I then asked my son and a few other noisy boys to not go up. It worked wonderfully. the AS boy went up for a bit and came down for a bit - esp. the more familiar games (pass teh parcel etc.) sometimes he came and watched the others, but some children did too. the nice thing was occasionaly others would go upstairs too so it wasn't just him - it was a good escape for some of the more quiet ones.

I felt quite pleased that his mum left him at the party and went home - it is the first time she has ever did this - she only lives round the corner so I could call he easily but happily didn't need to. This boy was especially taken with our cat and that seemed to make the party for him - she even sat on his knee when they watched wallacw and gromit.

I wanted to thank you again for your advice and reassurance - the idea of a seperate room was very helpful adn made the party so much better for me and him. His mum was pleased he stayed on his own with no trouble and my son was just pleased he came!

thanks again!

FT