"I don't want them at my party" - siblings

[PrettyCandles]

We have always had inclusive birthday parties for our three dc. Eldest is now of an age that he could do activities for which his sibs are not old enough. Fair enough, if he chooses that sort of party we'll have to organise alternatives for them.

This year dc1 wants an activity party for which dc2 is old enough, and the venue has said that dc3, though not old enough for the activity, is nonetheless welcome and there would be some provision for him. However dc1 is insisting that his sibs not come to his party.

I'm not sure about this. It seems unkind and bullying, especially as they can be present without being involved in the activity, just the meal.

What do you think?

I think it's fair enough tbh
They can just have friends not siblings surely

Although what ages might help

Er, I've only got the one DC (at the mo) but I would definitely nip this one in the bud. Tell DC1 that either he includes all of his siblings in his party or there is no party.
He sounds a bit spoilt to me, dictating what he wants to do for his party and then you organising alternatives for the other DC's

Depends on the ages of the children, but I think I would insist. After all, with my DD she would still expect to be able to go to her sisters party.

Oh yes, ages: it will be dc1's 11th birthday, and the others will be nearly 9 and nearly 5 (their birthdays are all in the autumn).

I'd let them all choose whether they want siblings or not. When ds3 gets older he may not want his older sibs crashing around spoiling his party, so start now and leave the decision up to them (Speaks from experience!)

At 11, I would say OK. When younger, siblings had to be included. Ds is now 8 and dd nearly 7 and I will not ask them to include siblings again. Ds is going to a football match with his dad the day of dd's up and coming party. Better for all concerned I think.

It's not really that simple, Romilly. Though I also felt very strongly that way when I had only two young dc, and had not come face-to-face with the realities of age gaps. Am I to tell dc1 that he will never be allowed a party on the high ropes course, because his youngest sib won't be old enough until he (dc1) is 16, by which time he will be too old for the 10-15 course?

Nor is he "spoilt ... dictating what he wants to do for his party" etc. We researched several alternatives and gave him free choice.

I think he is still cross at dc2. Last week a friend came to play with dc1, developed a monumental crush on dc2, and therefore kept abandoning dc1. Dc2 behaved impeccably, BTW, absolutely not her fault.

How about letting have his way with the party on the grounds you all go for a family meal on his actual birthday? You'd have to sort out childcare for the party but it would be worth it to maintain good relationship with DS 1 as he becomes a teenager.

Personally, I wouldn't allow one of mine to exclude his brothers from his birthday. Not when I'm organising and paying for it certainly. Just seems wrong to me.
But every family is different so no one can tell you what to do in yours.

I'm with birthday boy on this one, he's growing up and may be thinking from the point of view that his friends will scoff if he has to have his baby brother/sister there!?

You can have family birthday celebrations at home together, let him have his party to himself.

I let DC decide if siblings can come. Dunno if that's right or wrong, but it's their birthday, and it gives siblings an incentive to be nice for a change.

Well, we cane to a compromise that everyone seems happy with. His sibs will come to the party, join in the meal etc, but not engage in the activity. They will both have something else to do while the activity is going on. Because they will not be counted in the numbers for the activity, ds1 gets to invite two more friends.

Thanks for your comments and suggestions.