If you have a boy between eight and ten, what kind of parties are you throwing and going to atm please?

[ColdComfortFarm]

My son turns nine quite soon, and he desperately wants to celebrate his birthday with some kind of party, but I don't know what the 'right' kind of party is these days. I have always had whole class parties, usually at home, usually with an entertainer of some kind, but suspect this might now be seen as naff or babyish? A bit of background, my son is mildly autistic/Aspergers so is a bit eccentric, a bit away with the fairies sometimes, slighly young for his years, and doesn't do football/sports. His teachers tell me he is popular with his classmates, but sadly, he never gets invited to any birthdays any more, even the bigger events thrown his particular friends, which is upsetting (especially when he sees the other kids trooping off together, or invitations being passed around in school or the playground), but also means I don't know what other parents are doing. ie how many kids you tend to invite and what you do. So I'd really appreciate any suggestions and ideas. I'd like him to have a cool sort of celebration that he enjoys and that other children will want to come to. He likes the company of girls and boys, loves food, films, magic, animals,lots of different stuff. Happy to throw a bit of money at the problem.

Goodness me - this forum moves fast! I see this has already fallen out of active conversations, and I would be so grateful for your help. As you can imagine, it's a tricky subject to discuss with people who haven't invited my boy to their children's birthdays!

A boy in DS class had an animal encounter party.

A lady came (she used to work at Tropical Wings) with lots of small animals, snakes, rabbits, skunks and many more.

She spoke about the animals and the children got to hold them if they wanted.

The children sat in a circle and she stood in the middle with the animal.

All of the children loved it. It was a very quiet party and wasn't overwhelming for the child who has aspergers and doesn't like the noise of traditional parties.

Mine tends to do cinema/ macdonalds

Or the dreaded sleepover!

My ds did LaserRush for his 9th - and he's been to several other parties there over the past year.

Swimming pool parties are popular if your local pool do them.

And he went to one fab one where this man brought all sorts of animals and insects - it was wonderful, but I suspect it was mega-bucks because it was at the "big" house, and the party bags were worryingly generous!

Animal party is a very good idea thank you (though the idea of snakes adn giant spiders in my house makes me SHRIEK! I'd have to hide!) How many children would you take to cinema/Macdonalds SixtyFootDoll? Would be a bit expensive for whole class!

Sadly, he's too uncoordinated for swimming or laser type parties - though I bet they would be popular with his classmates.

How that your DS doesn't get invited to parties. Aren't people cruel? I was going to suggest Laserquest. My DD went to quite a few of these for 10th birthday parties last year. Or paintballing? I wouldn't take whole class to the cinema - I did it with 10 and that was plenty.

What about a climbing wall party for a few of his closest friends, or go karting?

I think he might find the laserquest type things too dark and confusing and also he has ZERO coordination so couldn't actually hit anyone! (he can't swim or ride a bike yet) though he would definitely go if anyone invited him to a party like that! He did enjoy going bowling recently, actually. I might ask him if he wants to have a bowling party. What do you think? Would your boys like that? (and yes, If I'm honest, it is upsetting that he doesn't get invited. Parents of kids he plays with every day shuffle past us in the playground clutching big bunches of invites and trying not to catch my eye!)

We have given up parties - with 3 dc's and the oldest one is 11, that's 28 childrens birthdays so far here.

Instead we do trips out with a couple of friends - the motor museum, canal boat trip, skating, zoo, etc etc.

Coldcomfort, the lack of invitations might be because older kids are so big and noisy, that the numbers are restricted to only 6 or so friends? Are you friends with the non-inviting parents? Ask them what they do now for birthdays - might give you some ideas and shame them into asking your ds.

I have a dc with special needs - to be honest this school goes completely the opposite way and she gets asked to more parties than my other dc's - much to the annoyance of her siblings.

I think the lack of sporting ability is a real problem here. Has had has physiotherapy etc but it doesn't seem to help. He can't even catch a ball properly

Then deffo not a football party! We can't all be Beckham.

Go for what interests him, what he wants, not what the other kids want - its his day, after all!

I am being positive and practical for my son, but it's getting to be a nightmare. Recently his 'best' friend (so I thought!) had a party in the park - a big party, used a minibus to transport the kids there from the school playground and didn't invite my son. He watched all these kids he plays with all the time go off and get in balloon covered minibus, and actually ran up and asked the dad what was happening! The dad (who has been to the pub etc with my dh and I have had the boy to play at our house etc) looked embarassed, but my son was devastated. I'll still invite their son to this party though - even if it's through gritted teeth. His two sisters go to loads of parties, which makes it worse.

I am considering \link{http://www.scienceboffins.com/birthday-parties.html\this} for my Aspie who will turn 8 this month

but I don't think we can afford it

if you can, it looks good to me

Melted - I am just worried that if the party is 'naff' he might stand out more? It might be a reason to exclude him further?

last 3 years DS has had

at 8 - cinema party - 6 friends to cinema then out for lunch (Chinese buffet)

at 9 - science party - about 8 friends at home, we did lots of experiments, DH and I wore white coats, we made slime, exploded coke, made red cabbage indicator solution etc, went down really well but was a lot of (worth while) effort

at 10 - Beano party - again about 8 friends at home, lots of trad party games with a beano twist - pin the tail on Gnasher, don't eat GNasher's poo (rather than don't eat Tommy Smartie) and lots of disgusting food - choc mousse with jelly worms in, black and red stripy jelly...

he's also been to various climbing parties (indoor walls) bowling, and a lego party, as well as a couple of friends being taken out for a treat instead of a party

Wow Greensleeves - that looks amazing! Have emailed them, but am quailing at the £200 cost...eek!

[shocked] at the party in the park thing!

I have no experience of this type of exclusion but have read threads on here before about it.

do you need to straight-talk with the parents, or will that make matters worse? Would asking "advice" from a friendly class teacher or headteacher help or not? I really don't know what to say, sorry.

arrg, that should have been - emoticons don't do tenses!

Am interested in what people suggest - as my DS is 9 on 22nd, also has Aspergers and has decided for the first time ever he wants a party

Greensleeves, if you want a Science party for your DS, you really could do it yourselves, we did using ideas from the internet and from Katz on here, various other people have used her ideas too. We did whole party including food and party bags for 8 children for around £70 all in - we made slime and exploded coke etc etc.

Beano party sounds fun! (He's a subscriber and big fan) how on earth do you play 'don't eat gnasher's poo'? He'd think that was HILARIOUS. Eight sounds really manageable. This is so helpful thanks. And PandaG, am in awe of your science stuff - wanna come to our house and do it all over again??

DS had a reptile party at home for his 8th. It was excellent and his friends all seemed to enjoy it.

Most friends seem to have swimming or LaserQuest type things.

The general theme is not too many guests at this age.

Don't forget Beano party bags too - I made those out of an old beano, and did a "treasure hunt" of the sweeties (all wrapped ones) in the garden.

The science stuff is good and easy - but you do need 2 adults or a willing teen helper for crowd-control.

PandaG, could you bear to write up stuff about your fab science party? eg any links to useful websites. I know nothing about science but my son is a bit boffiny and loves Horrible Science books etc.