Mealtimes with adult children

[Jugglingmum21]

Please share with me what happens in your home!

For background we have two of our 3 adult sons living at home. Both working, one normal office hours from home, one in hospitality so on shifts.

I historically have tried with varying success to get boys to cook 1 meal a week but it is painful because it might not be considered a proper meal, it is often not at normal time, they would do anything they could to forget about it!

Husband took on shopping and cooking when I returned to FT work, but gets frustrated with boys not cooking decent meal once a week so I have agreed to take this back on again as my work is now less and, frankly, less stressful than him moaning!

So, do any of you have a similar setup, adult kids in and out at varying times, wanting them to pitch in with cooking but logistics and interest in this varies, and also still want some kind of family dinner time to chat and bond.

Very interested in what actually works in your situations! Many thanks

Would it work if there was a meal plan and that’s what was got be made that night rather than them deciding to make something that’s not a proper meal? One of my friends has a two week rolling menu and that works for them. In my house whoever is most available that night cooks but there are only three adults and I don’t think it,would work with five. Too much room for discussion.

We do a meal prep box and they each choose a meal to add and cook it, its not happened but if they didn't I wouldn't cook for them and would just say "Oh sorry, I thought you wanted us all to sort ourselves out from now". The box thing works v well for us because its taught them both to cook in a weird way 😂😂

What I’ve done is that I meal plan and get the required ingredients, my DH washes up and clears up. Then I predominantly cook but if I’m busy, not available or cba then DH or DD (or DS under sufferance) will cook and it’s easy for them because all ingredients are there. I try and pick simple(ish) meals and have one dish that does a couple of nights plus one easy heat up one eg.ready marinaded salmon from supermarket. Whilst me and DH bear the brunt it’s easier and more sociable than everyone cooking their own meals separately which felt like a student house.

I can offer no advice, but lots of empathy/solidarity! All sounds very familiar and I am interested to read ideas shared, as this is an ongoing struggle for me too.

I would probley let it go and stop cooking for anyone. that wasn't at home at normal dinner time, or cook and leave them the cleaning to do before they go to bed?
I mean cooking is easy., cleaning not as much fun.
Do they want to eat with you?

Making this too hard

They should cook for themselves according to their schedule

How do you actually get to sit down and eat together with the different times anyway?

Mine all cooked a meal a week from secondary school age, so it was no big deal, as adults to carry on / drop back into cooking.
When one was working all sorts of weird shifts (no regular pattern) we tended to lean towards more one pot / slow cooker / easy to heat meals - curries, bolognaise, chilli, casserole, etc. If he was home on a day off, he'd often just make a batch of something like that as his 'turn'.
When other dc returned from University there was more of a clash in terms of times people want to eat, and we did try spells of them cooking for themself and us cooking for ourselves, but it soon settled into dc saying "I'll make a lasagna tomorrow" or whatever and us merging into a sort of compromise time between when we wanted to eat and when they did. But it wasn't worth getting het up about when they went out or we needed to eat earlier to be able to go out somewhere one evening.

I cooked one meal and the adult children either reheated or cooked for themselves when home. Absolutely no drama.

O only have one at home (uni holidays) though she happens to be home this weekend. Tonight we kinda cooked together, though normally I would cook 5/7 meals. I get three hello fresh meals a week which takes the guess work out. She does like to cook and last year cooked Christmas dinner! My son might cook a meal when he visits but it’s usually me and he likes things like steak which I don’t do we might cook different things but eat together.

Youngest is at home but is ND with ARFID and prefers to sort themselves out. DC1 is home in the holidays and does cook once or twice a week when they’re here. They’re usually also working fulltime or studying for exams. They choose what they want to cook and we usually get in the ingredients for them them.

Just cook for you and your husband. My adult sons learned to buy and cook for themselves from 18 +. I can't bear the rigidity of having to eat together, particularly when time frames are so different. It's a life lesson for them to budget, shop, cook and clear up and not expect others to cater for them and trying to coordinate meals times/dietary needs is a pain.

Both my adult DD live away from home now, the youngest being at uni. When she IS home, if I am making something for DH and I that is easy to make extra of (casserole/curry/chilli etc) then I just ask her if she wants some. If she does, she has some, if she doesn't she will make something for herself when she is ready to eat. She often doesn't want her meals at the same time as we do so she finds it easier to sort herself out.

There is plenty in the fridge, freezer, and cupboards for her to make whatever she fancies sometimes she cooks properly and other times she will just bung something in the air fryer.

She will often nip up the shop and grab herself something if we have run out or she feels like something we don't have in.

Why don't you just cook for you and DH and let them make their own meals?

Really appreciate the messages so far, particularly those with lived experience. If others have other solutions they have found work please do share but some great thoughts already on how to achieve what we'd like to achieve, thank you

There is me, DP and DD at home. DD works from home on three days each week. DD has always enjoyed cooking, so took on responsibility for two meals. My DP has health problems, so does one meal and I do
the rest.

There is always a stock of items in to make meals. If any of us aren’t around during our normal meal time, we either reheat a portion of the evening meal or make something from scratch.

DC1 is pretty compliant. So if you say I’m not home till teatime and you’re WFH next Wednesday, do you mind cooking and what would you like to cook they’ll probably just do it if they haven’t got any plans.

I think a meal planner would help and maybe a hello fresh or gousto order so the boys take ownership of a proper meal half done for them perhaps?