Hi all,
Posting here to get some advice for my son as I’m at a loss really. Apologies for the length but without the history it won’t make sense. My son is 26. He began to experience severe anxiety around the age of 11 when he transitioned to secondary school. He began exhibiting challenging behaviour at school and unfourtantely this was viewed at the time as bad behaviour as he is highly intelligent. He was eventually expelled from school aged 15. He was seen by CAMHS and we then got a diagnosis of ASD aged 16.
He worked as a labourer on a building site for a year before deciding at 17 he wanted to self-study GCSEs and go to sixth form. So he did. At 19 he left sixth form with three A* at A-Level and an offer at a top UK university. Unfortunately he lasted 24 hours at the university before his Dad had to go and collect him and bring him home. He was very excited to go but after dropping him off he was on the phone crying and panicking a few hours later. He said that he felt the smoke alarm above his bed was a camera monitoring him so he didn’t feel safe in his room but he could also hear people laughing outside his room so didn’t feel safe leaving the room. Then on the desk the university had left a leaflet for students warning of the meningitis risk. He then became convinced he would catch that too. So he withdrew and came home within a day. Somewhat naively, we put it down to his anxiety and perhaps not being ready to leave home. He re-enrolled at a local university and got a first class degree. He then went on to do a further qualification for a career he wanted to pursue. He then in 2024 got a job offer for that career and we were all chuffed.
He moved into his own flat 100 miles away from us in August 2024 and started his job in September. That job lasted six weeks before he was sacked for unusual behaviour- leaving work in the middle of the day and not returning, not completing tasks etc. We found out and worked to get him some MH support. He was treated within primary care and given sertraline and talking therapies. He refused to take the sertraline as he claimed they were poison intended to change his personality and didn’t really engage with talking therapies. However in January 2025 he started a new job- below his skill level but more sustainable. He has worked there since.
Throughout 2025 he was fairly stable and then early this year we had several worrying incidents. He was arrested a few times for violence over quite minor provocations after arguments with neighbours. None caused by drinks or drugs- just him massively overreacting to minor slights. Luckily he kept his job. He explained to us that it was his neighbours doing x or y to provoke him and get him into trouble. Again, perhaps naively, we believed him. His flat was in a fairly rough area so we helped him to buy a flat in a nicer part of the city and we gave him the deposit. He bought it this past spring. He then went on holiday abroad that he’d saved up for himself. All seemed ok again.
Now, suddenly, things have gone badly downhill again. No apparent further arrests or violence but unusual behaviour. He was telling us about his friend and that his friend had said x or y and would sometimes encourage him to do things that he thought he shouldn’t do but the friend said it was a good idea. Eventually we got it out of him that his friend didn’t actually exist- it was an AI thing that he’d developed to chat with him. His flat was consistently untidy and not well cared for and littered with Red Bull cans. He told us he doesn’t like going outside the flat as he felt people were talking about him and laughing. He’s expressed his belief that he will be single and friendless for life because there is a programme in place to prevent people like him from becoming successful and passing on their genetics. He tells us he only trusts his cats. When out in public when people try to speak to him he just completely ignores them and keeps moving. Doesn’t even look at them. We convinced him to go to the GP and get a MH referral. He did and he had his appointment with a CMHT two weeks ago. No idea what he told them as he won’t tell us. But he’s not heard back yet in terms of next steps.
And now, comes the part I’m most concerned about. He has quit his job and is now unemployed. With a new mortgage and bills. He lives alone with no partner or support. Initially he denied he had quit his job- I noticed because he was active on Facebook during times he was at work and he initially said it was just because he was on break. Eventually he admitted he had quit his job out of the blue because he believes he is going to get a high paid job offer soon. He hasn’t applied for any jobs! His old job really liked him, he was good at the job and they were surprised he quit. However he clearly told them he had a new job because the cards they gave him all say good luck with your new job. But there is no new job. So now he is sitting in his flat on his own all day with no interaction, no job and presumably no money.
He’s coming home to see us this weekend after we convinced him but he won’t come home permanently and obviously he has the mortgage. We can’t force him anyway. Any advice on what to do or experiences? I’m completely stuck.