Has anyone’s teenage son come through a lonely, friendless stage?

[Wildehorses]

My 19 year old son is painfully lonely. He used to have lots of pals in primary school but they all went to different secondary schools. He can’t connect with other lads through sport (no interest in following it or playing it) and he has no hobbies at all. He has a part time job and other workers are older/foreign etc so no pals there. He goes to college but has no interest in the course, he just agreed to go as he wanted to have a gang of pals but the other lads chat about football and “just ignore him”. He refuses to apply for an apprenticeship but academics are not his strong point either. He is so lost just sitting in his room scrolling on his phone. He complains about being “too skinny” but I paid for him to join a gym and he never goes. Anyone’s son been in a similar slump and did they ever end up with friends? I feel so helpless.

I think he sounds a bit aimless. I think he should have picked a course that aligned more with him but I appreciate this isn’t always easy and they’re often not sure what path to go down. I have a 16 year old who isn’t struggling socially but does complain he’s too skinny. Body image issues are increasing in young males and have been for a long time. The gym can also be quite intimidating.

Can he change course? Something that may be more up his street? I’m sure there are plenty that don’t attract the football types.

Im not too sure what to suggest, although it does sound sad 😢. Perhaps keep encouraging him to maybe find a full time job or apprenticeship. He’s still young and hopefully he finds his way, you would be surprised how many young people are in the same boat these days 🌺

Ach, that is so tough as a parent to see. All you want to do is fix it, and it is nigh impossible to do as they need their peers at this age rather than parental company.

As the PP said, it is surprisingly common at the moment; a lot of lost teens trying to find their way. He is not alone.

Is he sociable? Maybe he could look for a different part time job - in a pub or something where he will be with other young people and a lively environment?

Might he be open to counselling? There are a lot of therapists out there who specialise in late teens/young adults, like life coaches. If he can open to someone then he is more likely to find a way out of being stuck.

Sorry to sound rude but what does he have to offer to friends when he has no interests and no hobbies and no motivation and nothing to talk about because he never does anything?

I’d focus on getting him a bit of a life of his own and then hopefully he can make friends. He sounds possibly depressed too so maybe some therapy or a GP appt.

Kindness, companionship, daily talk about anything and everything. What a horrible post. He’s clearly struggling.