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Original poster

Feel so hurt

34 replies

notnorman · 20/09/2026 20:29

At the end of our 4* holiday in a gorgeous part of the world for my special birthday, my daughter started laying into me for not buying her personalised gifts for her birthday 2 years ago- instead buying her a bra, some work suitable shirts and some face care- along with some money as she wouldn’t tell me what she wanted.

im so fucking hurt. I’ve cried all the way back home today- couldn’t stop (surreptitiously- not that she seemed to care anyway).

I’ve done everything I can for my kids- I had an abusive upbringing myself and I swore I would be better.

im just so upset. We had had a wonderful holiday- then this in the departures queue.

im just so fucking sad rn.

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 21/09/2026 18:30

You've done more than enough, OP, and she behaved really badly.

I'd give it a bit of time before getting in touch with her, tbh. I'd want an apology before she came home again.

It's time to put yourself first. You've done so much for your family and now it's your time. The next holiday you have will be very different. The next holiday she has can be funded by her.

SophieSoftly · 21/09/2026 18:35

She might just be an ungrateful brat and I don’t know why she’s bringing it up now, but I wonder if skincare products that you’d researched for her problem skin and work shirts might have felt like a bit of a dig? A bit “smarten up and sort your skin out?” Not saying that was your intention obviously.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/09/2026 18:38

It sounds as if your dd has got some mental health issues. Tbh, I wouldn’t write off as NT. It is possible to be a master masker or to have autism and ADHD combined and they can both mask the other.

My dd is late diagnosed AuDHD and a master masker. She absolutely tanked her 18th birthday with us. She wouldn’t celebrate with us nor tell us what she wanted either. Wouldn’t find one day in a window of a week to go out for a meal with us. She was given so much including her car insurance, persuaded we basically gave her nothing, was absolutely vile to us. As she wouldn’t celebrate with us, I got a cake 2 days after her birthday, so that it was fresh and she was vile about that. She said we didn’t have it on the day, it was no point. She was out all day and came home at 11.45pm on her birthday. This was all excuses. And because of her poor mental health / eating disorder.

It isn’t about you at all, it’s about your dd. Do be assured of that. And I agree with @PrizedPickledPopcorn, your dd sabotaged the situation.

Cry until you feel the pain has lifted, find peace, then dust yourself off. And know you’ve done everything you can to be the mum your dd needs.

AdeleRochester · 21/09/2026 18:51

I’m not quite sure I understand what happened?

You were waiting in the airport and out of the blue she started being horrible about her birthday gifts from 2 years ago, and you said nothing?

I absolutely understand why you’d be hurt but I would have been pretty direct:

”I have just taken you on a lovely and very expensive holiday, what you should be saying is “thank you Mum, I hope you’ve had a lovely birthday trip”. I worked hard to save so that we could have this trip together and I am very hurt that you are being so rude and unreasonable.”

She’s an adult, time she learnt some manners and basic consideration for others.

3ciLop · 21/09/2026 19:26

Releasemeplease · 20/09/2026 20:36

Sounds like she is jealous because it was your birthday celebration and the holiday was about you and she resented the fact she wasn't the centre of attention.
Really nasty behaviour. Perhaps you did too much for your children OP in the effort to compensate for your own childhood? Perhaps now you should start putting yourself first.

Draw away from her. Leave it to her to contact you

Redpaisley · 21/09/2026 20:22

Jackospice · 21/09/2026 17:08

can you try and talk to her once youve both calmed down, and try and figure out if the gifts were representative of a bigger issue for her, that she’s perhaps articulated badly. Unless she’s usually not very kind obviously and this was just her being horrible as usual.

I will say her addressing something (however poorly) with you, and you crying for hours and hours in front of her, is probably quite a lot for her to cope with and perhaps why she hasn’t brought it up before now if the fallout is usually so big? Maybe it’s not, but just something to think about.

Why would assume from this incident that op is generally very emotional and to avoid her reaction, her dd didn’t say until now?

Italiangreyhound · 21/09/2026 20:30

I am so sorry. Sounds very frustrating for you. Her behaviour is her own, autistic or otherwise. It is no reflection on you.

glasswings · 23/09/2026 07:09

I think you are being too nice. I’d state quite clearly that you had bought her a gift you thought she’d find useful - you didn’t do it to spite her and you’d taken her on holidays, you both had a nice time, if she wants to chat her feeling through in a polite way your there but you are not her punch bag. And then I’d remind her that the words she might be looking for are thanks for a great holiday mum and I’d leave it there.

You have a right not to be abused this way - set your boundaries or you will always be the one she punches when she needs an emotional release, it’s not on!

Pedant61 · 23/09/2026 07:19

Well, I think the answer is to stop spoiling her and giving her hundreds of pounds worth of birthday gifts! She's an adult now, so it's time she was treated like one. You can't compensate for a difficult childhood with presents

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