21 DD with no friends

[AngelaHog]

Hi everyone, my 21 dd lives in Wigan with me and has recently split with her boyfriend. She has no friends as had a very difficult few years after being diagnosed with autism and a brai tumour ( this is stable). He was her entire world and I feel so utterly helpless. She is unable to work at the moment so can’t meet people that way and I just wondered if there is anyone out there in the same position or with their own dd who would like a new friend 😢

Is there no autistic adult groups by you? By me we have a few, and they are very popular.

She’s what I would call low level autistic. You wouldn’t know if you didn’t live with her.

DS2 is autistic and he made good friends by posting on OLD that he wanted to date neurodiverse women with similar interests to his own. They'd have coffee and if they got on but there was no romantic spark, they would stay in touch as friends, and go out and about together. Soon he had a wider network of friends - nearly all of them neurodiverse, but, like him (and your DD) high functioning. They all understand social anxiety, the need to decompress, the need to be clear in what they mean, the delight in specific obsessions. He also ended up doing a hobby that was full of ND people who have become his closest friendship group.

I suggest she gives herself a bit of time to get over the heartbreak, and then starts to seek friendship with other HFA or ADHD people, as they are far more likely to click with her and engage socially in a way she finds less stressful than trying to fit in with neurotypical people.

Meanwhile, just to stop herself becoming too reclusive, she could try the classic three activities outside the house each week technique: one fitness based - anything from dance, parkrun, bootcamp to wild swimming; one contribution-based (volunteering at a charity, community or faith project or political/campaign group she believes in) and one learning some skill she wants to develop - whether it is a craft, music, a new language etc. Not to make friends, but to keep her life interesting and evolving. If friendships arise, that's a bonus.

Also, it could help to discuss different types of friendship with her. Some are surface and that is fine, some are temporary and that is also fine, some are single-focus - connected to a shared interest, and that is fine. Only rarely are they soul mates. Friends can be much older or younger than us, or from different walks of life. Encourage her to be open about what friendship is and not have too fixed an idea of what it ought to be or become.

Could she volunteer? My autistic YP has made lots of friends of all ages from volunteering at parkrun.

What does she like doing? I would go from
there and join groups related to those activities.

I resisted for a long time but it really is the main way to meet people nowadays.

would she be able to get to Sunshine House on Scholes precinct ? They have several social groups there. Very friendly and welcoming place . It was a godsend for my relatives.