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Parents of adult children

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How to cope when an adult child ceases contact?

10 replies

MilkyWayMaMa · 29/08/2026 07:51

My only daughter has always been very introverted but we had a good relationship and when she decided to head to America to meet her now husband she would regularly be in contact. When babies came along we would Skype regularly and I felt a valued Mama/Nana.

She chose to be with a controlling man, but that's another story.

Since living in the US I have gone out annually to spend time with them all and other than clashing with my SIL towards the end of a trip, we spend quality time and I'd come away with wonderful memories.

As the grandkids got older the contact dropped off and video calls ceased. Understandable to a point but I would continue to message them all on family chat to ask open questions; ie what are they doing, what would they like sent over, do they have plans etc and I get no reply not even from my daughter.

I understand life and time difference gets in the way, but I miss the chat, updates, request for advice, shared humour and feel I have to push only to receive a one word or one line response. I've expressed how I miss hearing from her (the grandkids have their own lives) to no avail. I feel helpless and at a loss. I suppose I had a close relationship with my mum and have begun to question if I've done something wrong.

I've already stepped back as I feel I'm being a nuisance by messaging but I shouldn't feel that way and not sure what else I can do.

OP posts:
likeitshard · 29/08/2026 07:59

Do you still visit? When did you last see/speak to her? I would keep contact open, it’s possible because you annoyed her dh that he is managing her contact with you I would try to make amends if only to keep your dd on side

MilkyWayMaMa · 29/08/2026 09:59

likeitshard · 29/08/2026 07:59

Do you still visit? When did you last see/speak to her? I would keep contact open, it’s possible because you annoyed her dh that he is managing her contact with you I would try to make amends if only to keep your dd on side

I got a one word reply a couple of days ago. And plan to visit in a couple of months but I haven't received the usual enthusiasm.

OP posts:
InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 29/08/2026 12:16

Maybe she’s depressed or suffering due to her controlling husband. You’ll find it hard to assess before seeing her in person.

likeitshard · 29/08/2026 18:15

MilkyWayMaMa · 29/08/2026 09:59

I got a one word reply a couple of days ago. And plan to visit in a couple of months but I haven't received the usual enthusiasm.

I would go regardless you may have to bite your tongue where your sil is involved

MilkyWayMaMa · 31/08/2026 12:17

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 29/08/2026 12:16

Maybe she’s depressed or suffering due to her controlling husband. You’ll find it hard to assess before seeing her in person.

That had occurred to me and it is very difficult to gauge her frame of mind via text message.

OP posts:
MilkyWayMaMa · 31/08/2026 12:21

likeitshard · 29/08/2026 18:15

I would go regardless you may have to bite your tongue where your sil is involved

Agree I need to spend time with her to gauge what, if anything is going on in her marriage.

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calbum · 31/08/2026 12:24

MilkyWayMaMa · 31/08/2026 12:17

That had occurred to me and it is very difficult to gauge her frame of mind via text message.

Why can’t you phone her?

whippersnapper55 · 31/08/2026 12:30

What did you clash with SIL about? I'm thinking that's probably at the root of the problem here. If your daughter feels put in the position of having to choose between her mother, who lives for away, and her husband who she's with every day, maybe it's easier for her to let communication with you slide? You say he's controlling, could he be putting pressure on her to stop contact with you?

Cotopaxi · 31/08/2026 12:48

Please bear in mind that if he's abusive and controlling, it might not be her you are exchanging messages with. It could be him.

MilkyWayMaMa · 31/08/2026 19:25

calbum · 31/08/2026 12:24

Why can’t you phone her?

It's always very strained when her husband is around, like she doesn't chat freely so weekends are pretty much out. I have called on the school run as timing works quite well for both of us, and doable now schools are back.

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