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Parents of adult children

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Frustrated!

4 replies

familyissues12355 · 16/08/2026 19:27

Disclaimer - I think I am being unreasonable, but I’d appreciate somewhere to have a grumble

DS is 22, nearly 23. Graduated from uni this year, did alright, achieved a 2:1 from a decent uni

Back at Christmas he asked about rent when he was back, so he knew what to expect. He wants to move out with his gf next summer so wants to save - great.
We said no to rent, we don’t need the money, would be better off in a way anyway as won’t be helping him at uni, and he isn’t at home all that much anyway.

He fortunately has a job, the same pub he’s been worked at since he was 17. Zero hour contract but he generally does ok for shifts, it’s just not guaranteed, so to move out he will need to get a “proper” job.

Now my frustration- DS talks the talk, mopes about how his mates are all moving on in life, how they work different hours to him, how he can’t look to move out etc etc. He’s always been like this “I want everything!” but does nothing about it.

He’s hardly applied to any jobs. Failed to look for an intern role at uni so has little experience (apart from the pub). He’s a clever lad, but I’m getting fed up with listening to how he wants things to change but does nothing about it.

I know it’s hard for graduates now, and I’d have loads of sympathy but he doesn’t seem to be bothering. I probably wouldn’t care if it wasn’t the moping about how rubbish it is.

Anyone able to sympathise?

OP posts:
2026problemsandDDcanbeone · 16/08/2026 20:03

Has he been told directly that he needs to start looking?

DD needed a lot of pushing after her gap year, it was clear she didn’t want to go to uni or work FT, really. Eventually she ended up picking uni (very begrudgingly), but I honestly think it’s only because I wouldn’t let her mope around working PT with no clear aim.

familyissues12355 · 17/08/2026 11:30

Yeah, mainly because I’m fed up of hearing him moan about it then do bugger all about it!

We wouldn’t mind if he was happy doing what he’s doing now, he works hard in his PT job, but it’s the “it’s all so hard” attitude that gets me. We’ve tried supporting him, DH is in a similar industry so has tried to help, and he fails to do any of it

OP posts:
Corianda · 17/08/2026 11:56

Maybe they want to do it but are a bit scared of the future of full time working. Niece dropped uni course after 2years - there were problems at home which probably contributed. Never got qualified.
I would say just sit and write applications with him , look online for opportunities - he is getting towards independence help him all you can to get there.

familyissues12355 · 17/08/2026 18:18

Corianda · 17/08/2026 11:56

Maybe they want to do it but are a bit scared of the future of full time working. Niece dropped uni course after 2years - there were problems at home which probably contributed. Never got qualified.
I would say just sit and write applications with him , look online for opportunities - he is getting towards independence help him all you can to get there.

We’re doing everything we can, that’s where a lot of the frustration lies, he moans, so we help, but when you later check in how the application went, have you had a reply etc, the response is always “oh I didn’t do it” “I’ve not had time!”

He’s missed deadlines for online assessments, was asked to do a video interview and didn’t do it until a week later and they were no longer interested.

We don’t mind if he’s happy with his part time job, there’s no hurry our end, but the moaning about how everyone is moving on when he isn’t etc when he’s doing nothing about it is so annoying. Trying hard to ignore!

We’ve talked to him about is there something stopping him, is he holding on to his free time etc and he just gets snippy about how hard it is to find jobs and don’t we know how hard it is?! Yes we do, that’s why we send job adverts when we see them etc.

I suppose the saying goes, you can lead the horse to water, but can’t force it to drink!

OP posts:
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