30 year old and Canabis

[whippetmum1969]

So a really difficult situation for me. My son is 30 and still at home. Never had a gf or partner, no indication of straight/gay. Has smoked cannabis on and off since the age of 14/15. In and out of jobs. Is a qualified motor mechanic. Now has been in his current position for around 6 years. Probably the last year the weed has been very strong and daily to the point of him being a complete zombie. Late for work, difficult to talk to, angry, in general. This cumulatively has ended up with him overtaking a van turning right, being involved in a collision and being arrested for dangerous driving. The house was searched and they found small amounts of weed and mushrooms.
I'm completely out of my depth, I don’t know what to say, how to handle him, where to go, if any of you have been in a similar situation please help me, I’m worried sick, can’t sleep and there’s lots more to this story. I’ve registered with a local drug service but not heard anything. Any advice please xxx

Tell him to move out.

I agree with @LizandDerekGoals .Time for him to leave.

I'm not sure what advice people can give, it's the man's choice to take the drug every day, sadly. He can choose if he wants to stop, or do better, and whether to access any support groups for drug users.

Why does he live in your house?

How bloody horrible for you. I don’t have any experience of drug addiction.

He must have been very hard to live with so far and I imagine that has got worse. Are you scared of him @whippetmum1969?

Dangerious Driving is a very serious charge. He could get anything from a Community Order up to 2 years in Custody and if the CPS prosecute it will be by trial at the Crown Court. Do you know if he’s engaged a Solicitor?

Have you thought about what you want to do? Livingston with an angry Man who refuses to communicate must be difficult even if it is your DS and I can’t imagine this is how you wanted your life to be.

Dud you contact the drug service for support for yourself or support for your DS?

And is there any chance you can move to a smaller home and force him to move?

I think and have always thought that kicking him out would not solve the situation. I would be worried beyond belief and he is better here than on the streets.
I have asked for support for myself and I need him to engage with finding support for himself.
It’s just such a hard situation
I have never felt threatened by him, he is very loving and remorseful to me, just angry over silly things, work, politics, tv, and ridiculous stuff. He becomes very deep with me and says depressing stuff like he doesn’t want to be here and he’s a drain on me. I worry about his mental health.
it’s just really hard and I’m heartbroken for him

That must be so hard to hear. How is he now? Is he remorseful and looking to change?

Has he spoken to his GP or a charity like MIND?

He just keeps saying he is ok he doesn’t need any help. He hasn’t left the house since 9th July. Only to come with me to the shop. He had broken collar bone ribs and stitches in his head.

He is an adult and can choose to use cannabis, but he is living in your house and you can insist that he does not keep it there or smoke it in the house or garden.

Absolutely, he has never smoked in front of me and I understood that he had never brought it into the house, clearly he did, and went against my rules as the police found a small amount in his room.

Is he also charged with drug driving?

He needs to access support but that needs to be willingness to engage. Don’t refer him to yourself. He needs to make that call/ do the form.

Unfortunately a lot of people don’t see cannabis as the addictive drug it is. Ask him what it was that the cannabis gave him. What did it do for him. And listen. Only when he really thinks about that might he start to think about other options.

He will probably be feeling shame and guilt as well as anger and frustration

Yes I’d be upset with him but you can guide and support him whilst putting boundaries in place and knowing he can move on from this. His punishment is for the courts.

I was also wondering if he has been charged with Drug Driving too.

No he hasn’t but has had bloods taken which take normally over 3 months to come back, if they are positive then I assume he will be charged with driving under the influence of drugs. It’s been a hard week, he has a solicitor and I think it’s going to be a long road. He has made a gp appointment, they called him 2 days ago, but can’t get in until 2/9, I sent in a confidential email expressing my concern over his mental health. So I think that’s why they called. I’m going try try and talk to him tomorrow, today he’s been very agitated and it makes me cautious of approaching subjects.

I’m not surprised that you feel cautious, it doesn’t sound as though he’s easy to rank to at all.

Three months for the blood tests is an awfully long time to have that hanging over him too.

Did you manage to speak to him today?