DD20 has been in two relationships in her life, The most recent relationship lasted 6 months and was very intense. DD goes to Uni 3 hrs away. Her xGF is also at Uni but lives at home in our home city.
We got on fine with the GF but the relationship didn’t bring out the best in DD. She was spending more time at home than at Uni and wasn’t really taking advantage of her opportunities. Plans that she had for travel and study overseas were being shelved because her GF can’t afford holidays . They both work but we pay for DD’s Uni and living expenses so she just funds her clothes, social life and holidays. GF has to fund her own Uni expenses and pay board to her parents plus they keep threatening to throw her out so she needs to save for future rent.
GF was trying really hard to convince DD to transfer back home and, I suspect, move in together. DD’s course is more respected where she is so she wants to stay. She also knows we won’t pay for rent here because she can live at home, so she’d be spending all her earnings on rent and bills in our very expensive city. It all got a bit dramatic with arguments and GF being manipulative and eventually she cheated on DD who ended the relationship.
For a few months DD was happier than she’d been in years. She went travelling with friends and started researching to do a semester overseas.
Now we suspect she’s spending time with the xGF again when she’s home. But she not being honest and says she’s with other friends. What confirmed it was when she said she doesn’t think she wants to study abroad next year after all. I think she knows it’s a mistake which is why she’s not being honest with us.
I hate the fact that she’s lying to us and I worry that she doesn’t trust me enough to confide in me. However due to the deception, she’s spending way less time with the GF than she used to as she doesn’t bring her here and they don’t spend the night together. When they were previously together they spent every night together and the GF practically lived at our house. I think once it was brought into the open they’d spend more time together which I don’t necessarily think is a good idea.
AIBU to let her carry on pretending because it’s helping them maintain some distance? Or is honesty the best policy and I should tell her we know what’s going on? She goes back to Uni in a few days so I don’t have to keep quiet for long.