What would you do?
Dhyana7 · 26/07/2022 20:18
Hi, I have two children. Elsa who is 23 and has autism/learning disability and Vicky who is 20 who has severe anxiety disorder. The two girls have lived with my ex husband since I left him when they were about 8. I didn't want to leave my children, but I had mental problems and there was no way he would of given me custody and with a history of mental illness I didn't think I had a chance. So I would just visit them up until 3 years ago when he called to say he had spinal injuries and couldn't get out of bed. So I moved back in. The house was filthy. He hadn't even changed Elsa's bed covers abd they were like rags. There was black mold on just about everything. I spent each day cleaning, repairing ect. I started shopping and cooking to make sure they were all eating healthy. I would take Elsa on outings each week (as she is unable to go out on her own).. I also got on to social services and organised her to go out with Mencap weekly too. I didn't tell anyone how badly neglected she had been as my only intention was to make life better for her and her dad and sister. I hadn't been a well person before, but now I have done a lot kof work on my self I worked hard every day trying to make her a nice home again. Her dad Richard was put on morphine for pain. He would lay in bed all day and hassle the doctor for more of it. He would often send me ti the chemist and demand they give it to him. This got worse until he stopped eating for three weeks, laying in bed. I called the doctor and hey put him in hospital. He shouted that he did not want to stay there. They cold turkeyed him off the morphine and discharged him a week later after he had racially abused most of the staff ( I really hate this and its so embarrassing to have anyone think I'm with him).. He came home and hired a jcb and completely wrecked the front and back garden. That was 6 weeks ago and it's still like a building site. That's not worrying me though. He shouts at me nonstop, every word is a demand. He shouts at Vicky too. But it is Elsa who has no idea she is being abused because she has never experienced anything else. He antagonises her in to meltdowns. She suffers with them and she jumps up and down screaming and hitting her own head. I've always tried to find calming techniques to help her abd avoid meltdowns. But Richard is purposely saying and doing things to send her into meltdown and then he restrains her by pulling her arm around her back and upwards just like on those police TV shows. I have told him he must not do this as I have been taught the appropriate ways to restrain and not cruelly how he is doing it. I could go on and on so much mental abuse to Elsa. Now he has said that she cannot go out with Mencap anymore because it costs him too much money and he doesn't believe they restrain her well enough. His emotional control over Vicky is sickening too. For example, she was having a panic attack, and wanted to go to her grandparents house for the night because she thought her dad's cigarette smoke was making it worse. I was taking her there in the car and he called up and it was on loudspeaker and he shouted at her to get home and that if she didnt he would do something awful to himself. Also she can't go out without him making her feel guilty. I have tried so many times to get her to leave her dad, even just for a break and she won't do it because he makes her feel responsible for him. I could go on amd on about cruel emotional abuse but I can't type very well. Elsa does not have the mental capacity to understand any of this and I have found out that he has been poisoning them against me for all these years, telling t he girls that I dont want them. I can't even defend myself in front of Elsa as she is so paranoid, if I say to Richard that he is a cruel bastard then Elsa immediately runs in and screaming that I called her a cruel bastard and even though I try to tell her I would never say such a thing because I love her and I'm just so tired with his behaviour, but I refuse to leave the girls, but I really want ti get away from him but I can't leave them and I'm sorry I did befoe but I'm trying my hardest these three years. I have no where to take then to live and also two dogs
jewishmum · 26/07/2022 21:40
My first thought is adult social services as a safeguarding concern for the disabled woman.
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