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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

I’m sure he’s using drugs

26 replies

DinosaurDiana · 31/03/2021 19:14

I’m sure my son is using drugs. It doesn’t seem to be every day or even every week. He meets up with certain friends and doesn’t come home that night. I don’t know where he is, and he wouldn’t tell me if I asked.
What do I say to him ? What do I do ?

OP posts:
Original poster
DinosaurDiana · 01/04/2021 15:03

Hopeful bump

OP posts:
BoozeBegone · 01/04/2021 15:04

This thread will get more useful replies if you specify whether he is 14 or 28 :)

BoozeBegone · 01/04/2021 15:05

Ha! Ignore me just seen which forum its in.
What kind of drugs do you think? Any other signs? What is his relationship with you like?

Original poster
DinosaurDiana · 01/04/2021 15:05

It’s on the adult children section so I assumed people would think he’s over 18.
He’s 22.

OP posts:
DartmoorChef · 01/04/2021 15:06

Hes an adult. It's really none of your business unless it's causing issues at home due to his behaviour, which doesn't seem to be the case.

Original poster
DinosaurDiana · 01/04/2021 15:08

I know nothing about drugs because I hate them. I just don’t see the point. It’s a waste of health, money, and in some cases life.
I believe he’s hanging around with people who do coke. I don’t know what he’s doing when at Uni.

OP posts:
BoozeBegone · 01/04/2021 15:16

I know, sorry I noted afterwards.
It's so common unfortunately. Almost more cost effective than alcohol nowadays for young people,party drugs are the new drinking.
You can't stop him? I guess all you can do is be there and tell him youre worried.

Does he know there is a hepatitis risk with coke?

AcornAutumn · 01/04/2021 15:18

My main concern would be drugs in the house but you can't be legally liable for that, I hope?

Just tell him "I think you're using drugs but you can't do it in my home".

Original poster
DinosaurDiana · 01/04/2021 15:34

There won’t be any in the house. He’s at Uni, and goes out to these people when home.
I’ve found out he’s on antidepressants, he drinks, and now he does this.
I’m just sad and disappointed. It’s not what I want for my boy obviously.
He will deny it if I ask, he has a history of lying.

OP posts:
LizziesTwin · 01/04/2021 15:39

Nothing useful to add but I feel your pain, I have a ‘troubled’ son who takes what almost anyone would consider to be poor choices & it’s so upsetting.

I just recite to myself it’s his life and he has the right to live as he pleases & I will not live like that. I’m waiting for him to grow up.

jessstan2 · 01/04/2021 15:40

You don't know your son is doing drugs, A young chap of 22 is going to go out at night and sometimes not come home until all hours, that's normal. It doesn't automatically equate to drug taking. Even if some of his friends do, doesn't mean he will and not all of his friends will be drug takers.

Over the years I have heard endless parents and grandparents say, "I think he/she is taking drugs", "Do you think she/he would take drugs?", "Some of the friends definitely take drugs" - and they are wrong.

Of course I've also known people say theirs would never do that and they have but that's how it goes.

Your son is a grown man, Dinosaur, put it out of your mind.

BoozeBegone · 01/04/2021 15:41

That is a good point..i used to be a real party animal as a youngster but I've never done drugs. He may not be :)

DustyOwl · 01/04/2021 15:46

Me too, partied with the rest of them, stayed up all night dancing, never touched any illegal drugs. I suppose it's good he's got friends. Have you spoken to him about the antidepressants? Of course he's an adult and might not want to discuss it but the best thing you can do is be there for him if he needs you. Not much help I'm afraid but I hope he's ok.

Original poster
DinosaurDiana · 01/04/2021 21:04

I haven’t spoken about the antidepressants as he doesn’t know I know.
The thing is that there may be a family history on his dad’s side, so a conversation would be worth having.
So I think I’ll just tell him that I think he is using, and that I’m disappointed, but that I’m here when he wants to stop and that I hope he will mature soon.
Thanks. I just thought that maybe I should scream and shout, but I know it’s his choice. No matter what happens.

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 02/04/2021 15:00

Just say you're here for him if he needs you. Don't say the rest.

jessstan2 · 02/04/2021 15:19

@saoirse31

Just say you're here for him if he needs you. Don't say the rest.
Yes.

I'm sorry he is on antidepressants and hope it won't be a long term thing. However, not unusual nowadays. Young people do seem to get over things and move on.

Original poster
DinosaurDiana · 02/04/2021 21:46

He absolutely denies using. Unfortunately he has a history of lying, so I can’t believe him.
But if he is, he knows I know.
Thanks.

OP posts:
castaway11 · 02/04/2021 22:01

You absolutely should trust your gut instinct. I would learn as much as you can and source support for both of you as soon as you can. If you are in England look at Adfam. If you are in Scotland search for SFAD (Scottish Families Affected by Drugs). WAWY (We are with you) also have a free confidential chat service, they are really supportive and can help you find local services too. Read up on drugs, the situation is a lot more complicated than just hating them. They have good effects and by learning the good side too, you'll be able to better understand his reasons for use. Like a previous poster said he should be aware of risks like hepatitis transmission - he can reduce the risk by not sharing any equipment. I also encourage him to research how drugs (including medicines and alcohol) interact together as this significantly increases risk. Sending love Daffodil

Original poster
DinosaurDiana · 05/04/2021 07:53

I’ve heard from another source that a different person said they’ve done pills and balloons with my son. That’s two separate sources I’ve heard from.
Such a disappointment, and worrying that he continues to bare face lie to me. And he’s a very good liar.

OP posts:
Oblomov21 · 05/04/2021 08:41

I disagree that it's none of your business, if he still living with you at home, there are a few common courtesies of choosing to still live with your parents and that is to be respectful and let them know your whereabouts etc, not on a minute scale, but just general pleasantries and courtesy and respect.

Original poster
DinosaurDiana · 05/04/2021 09:09

He’s away at Uni.

OP posts:
Alfiemoon1 · 10/04/2021 22:12

Sorry you are going through this op it’s so hard but he’s an adult living away from home all you can do is be there for him I am having a similar situation with my dd 19 who moved out for university and has now moved in with her controlling boyfriend who does drugs I tried talking to her but that just made things worse so I just have to let her get on with it and tell her I am always here for her if she needs me

CloudPop · 10/04/2021 22:18

No idea how to help but I think this must be a very difficult situation. The posts saying "he's a grown man none of your business" Miss the point spectacularly. Really feel for you.

Ibizafun · 19/04/2021 22:45

I never understand why people think that when your child is 18, their life is none of your business. My children’s happiness and lives will always be my business because I love them. Having said that, sometimes you can only try so hard, leave the lines of communication open and wait (hope) they see sense.

flatsurfandmil · 24/04/2021 19:10

I think if you've never done drugs it seems like a far bigger deal than it actually is. I know a lot of people (myself included) who did party drugs in uni and are now very normal non drug using people - I barely even drink now tbh.

I would concentrate on supporting him especially re: the depression. Let him know you are there for him. I'm not close to my parents because I always felt they were judging me. I don't tell them anything about my life really. Ask yourself if you want that for you and your son.

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