Everything I do is wrong

[Orisha]

my ex husband has had some issues this last 12 months and I’ve helped him by getting some MH support and providing occasional friendly ear. He gets NHS help in the new year. We always got on well.
Her feelings toward her dad have significantly changed. But he deserves some of this and needs to understand her but she’s wont talk to him.

DD age 20 seems to resent this and says she feels excluded. She also says I'm controlling and always asking what she’s doing etc? (She lives at home with me) she’s become quiet and excludes me from everything I can5 even wish her a good day without it having a meaning I’m not aware of.
She has slight money issues... payday loan she thinks I don’t know about and she’s struggling to pay with her part time wages, but she’s can’t ask me for help.
Seriously worried she’s will just up and go if arguing continue she but she can’t afford rent anywhere.
I will be very sad when she leaves home as she has been my joy. However she’s growing up.
I am struggling with my own feelings and feel lonely but want to reach out to help knowing I will just be rebuffed?
Any thoughts helpful..... just really sad ☹️

So sorry to hear you are feeling sad. It sounds like your daughter is under stress with both financial and her fathers wellbeing. Allow her space not to talk to her father if she wishes, and respect her boundaries with that. Try and keep your relationship between you two to avoid any conflict.

If I were you, I would give back to yourself. Find out who you are without having to give or look after the needs of others. It can be difficult with adult children who will leave home, as life ultimately changes. Embrace this new chapter for you and start doing something just for you, and that maybe you’ve put off for sometime. Take an adventure, start a new class and it may also give you something different to talk about with your daughter. Also, speak to someone professionally yourself. Sometimes speaking to those not involved gives great clarity, and a chance to then approach any situations with your daughter in a different way. She is 20 so she should hear you out on your feelings, and maybe you just need to be honest and tell her you’re finding things difficult and you could do with her support.

I have a 25 year old dd who is still like this. Honestly I’d push on with what you feel like is right. If I look back on the arguments we’ve had and what is present it just shows her immaturity. Which she would agree on.

If your ex needs help - go ahead and help him. As human beings we should.

I got told off this morning for putting laughing faces on a jokey message. Honestly you can’t win!

Just do what you think is right