is it right to kick out our dd18 and ds20?

[thinkimtrying]

after 2years of disrespect, swearing, shouting, belittling, threats, damage to property, physical aggression, apologising then repeating the cycle, we have given our adult children a month's notice - they were angry and accused us of being terrible parents but said they're not going anywhere😢 what shall we do?

What happened two years ago?

No! I don't think so. They're adults, and if they're not treating you like equals, then they should be looking after themselves.

Change the locks, what’s caused this behaviour?

Kick them out.
Change the locks.
Cant you call the police to help you get them out, if they won't go?

Don't tolerate this nonsense. Out they go and change the locks.

Where will they live? How easy is it to get housing where you live?

These young adults didn't magically come into being as violent, disrespectful, foul-mouthed etc. The preceding 18-20 years will have contributed to the development of these personalities. Its probably a bit late to look at your parenting techniques but don't think you are the innocent party in this dispute. You have let your kids down massively if you haven't taught them how to function in a civilised manner while sharing a house with other adults.

Of course you need to think of everyone's safety now and if you can't all get along without violence, intimidation and bullying then it's best for all concerned if you live separately. But do not for one moment do so with a sense of self-righteous justification. The seeds of this situation were planted and nurtured long before they had the maturity to make decisions for themselves. They now have to go out into the world without the tools they need to navigate it - because if they had the capacity to live safely and well independently then they would have the ability to live in a civilised manner with you. Poor kids.

Agree @yoba

Jesus, can't imagine these responses if non related adults were violent to you, if it were your partner people would be screaming call the police!

Which is what you need to do to get them out.

Absolutely not accepted, I have 3 DC's, 20, 18 and 13. Only the youngest would still be here after that sort of behaviour, I dimply wouldn't stand for it.