I Know I Sound Pathetic

[feefaa]

Older child work in a care home which can mean12/13 hour shifts. She doesn't pay dig money ('I'm short'), spends her income which isn't too far off from what I earn - on going out etc, rarely helps with cleaning etc, goes out 4/5 days in a row, won't eat family evening meals saying 'i'm tired'.
She asked for a lift to work yesterday. 40 min drive, left at 7.25am so I could get to work for 9am. Busy at work, then had a meeting which finished at 9.30pm. went to pick her up from her work when she said - can you take me to all night pharmacy, i think I'm coming down with something.
My reaction - why didn't you go at lunch?
Her - I can't leave care home at lunch.
I was xissed off and moaned about it but still took her.She refused to get out the car because I moaned about it.
And today she's ignoring my texts when I ask - do you want a gp appt?
At 22 she's never made her own way to drs appts.
I know I'm pathetic and don't have a backbone etc but it's good to put thoughts into writing.

23, not 22

My DDs still live at home, and are 24 and 22. They are fully fucntioning adults who make GP/Dentist appointments, get themselves to and from work, do their own rooms and laundry at home, and pay £100 a month housekeeping each (token gesture as they are both saving). They are also expected to empty the dishwasher/run the hoover round on occasion and they keep their bathroom clean.

You are still treating her like a child and you need to stop. She's not a child anymore, she's a grown up. It's really hard but you need to guide her into independence, and right now you're smothering her, not mothering. And I mean that kindly. Taking a step back is really hard, but you need to start for both of your sakes