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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

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Original poster

Adult child wanting everyone together for Christmas

21 replies

Makster69 · 15/08/2019 13:09

Sounds lovely ? should be, however 2 daughters aged 31&29 this year want myself and my partner and their dad ( my ex husband) and his wife and new baby to all go away together and spend Christmas day before and after together in an Air B&B. I have tried to be supportive and saying yes but maybe different lodges( secretly hoping that they will all be full)
The girls usually come home and have Christmas day dinner at home with me then go tho their dads in between before going back to their own place of residence. Its filing me with fear! making me anxious just thinking about it. My own partner is an awkward sort and know he will not want this but i am trying to think about doing the right thing for my girls but not making me look forward to much earned time off? Please help x

OP posts:

Summerunderway · 15/08/2019 13:18

Imo I bet you made plenty of sacrifices for your dc when they were under 18.
Don't sacrifice your Christmas's to do this!!
Betting your dp would prefer a day with just you and maybe dc visiting......
Bet you would too..
Playing happy families has a limit...

ems137 · 15/08/2019 13:37

How do you think their dad feels about it? My kids are still under 18, me and their dad & step mum get along fine and jointly attend the kids events but I can tell we all still feel a bit awkward. There is no way that any of us would want to spend Christmas together

Grasspigeons · 15/08/2019 13:42

Gosh. I think you should wish them all a lovely time together and say how much you are looking forward to having them to yourself next year. Then suggest they come to you for a lovely meal at advent or something.

Original poster

Makster69 · 15/08/2019 14:06

phewwwww many thanks.. not feeling so selfish now. isnt it amazing how even years later after they are up and away still have that way of making us feel bad about doing our own thing :-(

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 15/08/2019 14:08

I couldn't think of anything worse!

Is it time for them to host Christmas, maybe? You could visit for lunch and your ex could go for the evening.

Maybe you could suggest you invite all their old boyfriends, together with new partners, to your house? They wouldn't like that, would they?

HollowTalk · 15/08/2019 14:09

Are they perhaps wanting to spend Christmas Day with the new baby? Why not tell them it's ok if that's what they want to do?

SnuggyBuggy · 15/08/2019 14:15

You aren't selfish and it might not be what your ex wants either. Let them know sooner rather than later that this plan doesn't work for you.

ysmaem · 15/08/2019 14:18

Tell your DC that it's a lovely idea but you would prefer to spend a quiet day at home with your DP.

Teddybear45 · 15/08/2019 14:18

Your ex has a newborn. It’s highly unlikely he or his partner want to spend that baby’s first Christmas like this either. Just be honest and say the plan doesn’t work for you.

NovemberWitch · 15/08/2019 14:21

Nope, they are adults and you need an adult relationship with them. If you don’t want to do it, say so. Adult children don’t get to dictate your choices.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 15/08/2019 14:27

No fuck no.

you are a grown adult who’s entitled to do as they please at Christmas

why would you want to be playing happy families with your EXH?

with the very greatest of respect why would you want to hang out with his new wife and baby? And them with you? And how would that make your DP feel?

finally your children need to realise you and their DF are divorced and that means seperate. If they are attempting to kill two birds with one stone and save themselves a trip by getting you guys to schlep to and Air BnB that’s their lookout

In conclusion, your children are probably trying to be lovely but are likely filling both their parents with dread at this suggestion.

You (and EXH) could gift them some Xmas cash early and get them to bugger off to the sunshine together or something

Toooldtocareanymore · 15/08/2019 14:39

imagine trying to cook Christmas lunch for that many people in a strange kitchen which will be equipped with who knows what..

onalongsabbatical · 15/08/2019 14:51

One of the craziest xmas plans I've ever heard. Just say no!

Contraceptionismyfriend · 15/08/2019 15:15

It's them being selfish. They're not little children who need their Christmas wishes pandered to and that it's your holiday as well and that you have every right to enjoy it.

Scorpiovenus · 15/08/2019 15:33

LOL id laugh if someone asked that tbh lol.

That sounds like hell to me lol.

BraveGoldie · 15/08/2019 15:55

Op, can you ask them why this sudden initiative? I assume you gave been divorced for some time.... I wonder what has prompted this? Perhaps related to the newborn? Or perhaps one of them has a special family announcement they want to do all at the same time? Or something else? Maybe if you can get at the reason, you guys can find a different way to meet their needs-

But broadly agree- you certainly shouldn't have to do something you don't want to just to keep others happy.....

Singinginshower · 15/08/2019 20:32

🤔 Who would cook?

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 15/08/2019 20:37

try and find out exactly where this is coming from, as PP have said, who is cooking? Who is booking? Who really wants a new baby's first christmas in a strange house?

I reckon one of your dd's has imagined this will all be very chic, and civilised and will be leaning on everyone and no one wants to be the one who laughs her plans out of the park!

Don't the girls have their own partners to share their sprouts with??

Just say thanks but NO!

TeacupDrama · 15/08/2019 20:45

there are events you need to go to when your ex and his new wife and child will perhaps be there, your daughters wedding maybe a significant birthday like their 40th a grandchild's christening etc and then you need to look as if you get on even if not best friends but Christmas isn't one of them you really don't need to do this I don't think ex's new wife and baby will really want to spend christmas with you and DP either,

Hecateh · 15/08/2019 23:10

Don't do it.

They are adults
It sounds like a good idea to them but if half of you are uncomfortable it isn't going to be great.
I get on well with my ex's new wife but would not want to spend Christmas refraining from agreeing with her (semi)joking digs at him LOL and the rest thinking how much like his sisters she is.

Hecateh · 15/08/2019 23:11

oh - and that is over 40 years since we split and they have been married nearly 20 years

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