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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

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Original poster

Adult child moving back - what do you charge?

14 replies

needmysleep75 · 10/02/2018 18:12

Right my DS 23 has asked about moving back in, he has despite all my warnings/budgeting help etc managed to run up around 8/9k of debt. I haven't seen the exact amount as yet. This he admits has been done by being stupid, holidays, festivals, nights out, take aways etc etc. His lease runs out in 2 months time, so he wants to come back save and pay his debts off. He's asked me to come up with an amount to charge him, how much do I say? He says he will buy own food, but things like tea, coffee, milk, sauces etc that would be silly. So I know there is the extra 25% council tax will cost me with another adult but how much extra does one person cost in gas/electric? I don't know where to start to even come up with an amount. The other thing I was thinking is do I say an amount, put anything less than it actually costs me into a savings account and when it gets to a decent amount give it him to pay off something? Or is that not getting him to take responsibility for the mess he's made of everything?
I will be sitting down with him to do a proper budget and see what his minimum payments/interest rates are on what. I think from what he's said I may feel like killing him after that!

OP posts:

Bananalanacake · 10/02/2018 18:17

I think a certain percentage of his wages. Good for you. Making him pay his way. He's got to learn he can't live for nothing.

dancingqueen345 · 10/02/2018 18:19

Assuming that your willing to not charge market rents, I think around the £250-£300 a month mark is fair. That would cover about £75/month extra on the bills, your increased council tax and then the remainer towards food.

LoveTheBear85 · 10/02/2018 18:28

I paid my parents a third of my wages, whatever they were at the time. That covered bills and I would also buy groceries if I knew we needed something. It was a really valuable lesson for me.

Mabelface · 10/02/2018 18:36

I get £260 a month each from my adult children.

TwitterQueen1 · 10/02/2018 18:42

Well I don't know OP.... if he's trying to clear his debts, you asking him for up to £300 won't help him much and he will be with you longer. I might be tempted to take that from him, but put it into a separate account on his behalf, but then that is belittling his abilities to cope.

I don't charge my uni returner anything because she is desperate to save for her own flat and she is good at budgeting. And, I don't need the money.

He obviously needs to learn though... could you risk turning over all the household accounts to him to manage? in theory anyway. Show him all the bills, DDs etc, phone, internet etc. And ask him to come with a budget?

NovemberWitch · 10/02/2018 19:04

The key fact is how much does he earn?

Original poster

needmysleep75 · 10/02/2018 19:14

He earns around £1,200 take home a month, sometimes more. I'm thinking maybe £250 a month which is 1/3 of his present 'bills' He would have £100 travel card to buy each month. I'll provide basic food and anything extra he buys, buy his own toiletries etc. He has a ( too much in my opinion ) mobile contract he is tied to currently. But as he would be saving around £500 a month in bills, plus the changes in his lifestyle he is admitting he has to make then he should be able to pay the debts off. The problems will come if he comes back and just spends the savings on rubbish and not paying his debts!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 10/02/2018 19:21

£250 sounds reasonable. Also get a timeline of debt payoff so he's not tempted to blow money on rubbish and doss at yours.

youngemptynesters · 10/02/2018 22:34

Ask for 500, save 250 for him to pay off the debts, will cost him more to live away from home

brizzledrizzle · 10/02/2018 22:36

I'd say that they should pay the extra council tax as a minimum and do the food shop every other week.

crimsonlake · 10/02/2018 22:49

I also think that if he is returning home to enable himself to pay off his debts you charging him will impact on his ability to do just that. Obviously if you cannot afford it he will have to pay towards the bills and most certainly the increase in council tax. However if you both budget carefully surely you can make economical meals so costs wont be significantly higher.

Primarkismyonlyoption · 10/02/2018 22:51

Maybe I'm not there yet, or that my mum was very soft, but it would feel very wrong to me to charge my own children for living at home.
But then I read the debt thing and thought he needs to learn. So I'm sorry I don't know but hope it works out.
I know some for whom the idea of a child moving home at that age would be life wrecking to a certain extent. Parenting is a really hard thing to do.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2018 22:53

I'd not let him back until he can show you a timescale for getting rid of that debt and prove that he has set up direct debits to service that debt.

'I also think that if he is returning home to enable himself to pay off his debts you charging him will impact on his ability to do just that.'

She says charging him £250/month is a 1/3 of what he pays now. Sounds entirely reasonable. Plenty of parents cannot afford to have an adult child live with them for free.

welshmist · 10/02/2018 22:59

I would want to help him sort out his debts so would sit down with him to set up a schedule, highest interest being charged etc. Had a son who came home charged him for rent otherwise he would have frittered it. We did help him down the line with deposit for a house and money towards a kitchen so he more than got it back when he got married.

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