What a mess ..

[chokkamocha]

Here goes..

I have two boys aged 17 & 18

We moved towns 18 months ago

Both seemed happy

We started a business from home to spend more time with them

18 year old has been travelling back to the old town and has started doing drugs. He has left college and refuses to come home .. I am worried there may be an underlying mental illness, but I am the only one who thinks so. Sometimes he sleeps rough and he is sofa surfing.

Son number two is now following suit. He came home last night, his room is squalor like and I asked him to tidy it, then come and see me.. he had a half hearted attempt and left.

I am beside myself with worry.

He hasn’t been attending college either.

My Partner is very tolerant but he says I’m not firm enough. What can I do to sort this

A dodgy age to move if you ask me. Their mates are their world at this age. They’re probably missing familiarity.

Must be very difficult for you all. I hope someone comes along with some advice OP. I have a DS 20 who’s been ‘difficult’, so I’m to some degree understanding, but the drugs are a whole different matter.

I think you need to try to get to the bottom of this. Is your partner their biological father?

Thank you Howlongtildinner,

We had no choice but to move. Heir father died nearly 10 years ago. We’ve been through so much, but this is breaking my heart.

At 18 he can refuse to come home, he is an adult. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about this apart from making sure they know you love them, are there for them and that they can come home at any time. How close is the 17yr old to his brother? Is he trying to be like him? Did you involve them in the decision to move or did you just tell them? And the starting a business from home to spend more time with them, is that what they wanted? At 16/17 ( at the time ) most kids are trying to spend less time with their parents/become independent. Its awful and teenagers can make some bad decisions but at their ages there is little you can do. I would insist on basic rules for living in your house though. No food/crockery/rubbish in room but if they want to live in a mess let them. Either has to go to college/training course/job do not hand them money

Bless you chokka, yes you must’ve (and still) had some very difficult times. You have had their best interests at heart.

As I said, no words of wisdom. My DS is smoking weed, his dad was a drug user so my worst fears have come to fruition, albeit on a very minor scale, however, it spirals (as I have experienced) and I cannot bear to think of my child participating in the very thing that destroyed family life.

My heart goes out to you, for you, your ‘children’, your grief. Keep posting here, whatever it is, just a rant, someone will respond