Someone impart some wisdom please!

[Timeforachange68]

Eldest ds is 20, goes to uni lives in student house in term time
Has a girlfriend at home (fairly recent met when he was on summer break) I have no problem with her but don't really know her - he seems to think I do!
Me & dh feel we are fairly liberal with regards to his freedom he's an adult etc etc but he says we (mainly me) smother & mollycoddle him.

Just interested how others deal with their older children-do they come and go as they please, have partners staying over, what do you do for them (lifts, financially etc) - I'm feeling a bit lost & upset that he feels this way.

My DS is 19 almost 20. I leave him to it with girlfriends staying, his comings and goings. I like to know where he is and if he’ll be in late (so I can know it’s him not a burglar!) but really it’s his home, he’s an adult.

I do object to wet towels on bathroom floor, beard shavings in the sink etc but I would with anyone

Money is his own busines. I give him £120 a month and I pay his phone. I think he’s saving out of that, but that’s his affair.

Smothering to him would be asking too many questions, expecting him to have set meal times, monitoring him eg booze intake, trying to chat to his friends like they are mine, choosing his clothes, suggesting outings

I find it all v hard but about 6 months ago I kind of let go and it’s better day to day now. I do remind him about key appointments as he’s bloody useless tbh.

Thank you for replying.

I'm definitely not smothering him then! I do like to know where he is & if he's coming home etc when he's back here, not too much to ask!

it doesn't get any easier this parenting lark does it?

No it does not:(. I like be both my DCs but it was bliss when they left last year for studies. Both now back home (twins)

It changes the whole vibe in the house. And the added work that results, even if they do "their bit". And I do sometimes bung them extra cash out of a blend of love and sympathy.

I know we will miss them terribly when fingers crossed both leave again in September but also, I can't wait! .

Mine seems to be at home as much as he's at uni at the moment-not only do we have the pull of the girlfriend he's also had a falling out with his housemates (nothing to do with him of course 🙄) so he's doing a lot of travelling back & forth.

I'm trying very hard to back off & let him just get on with stuff but he doesn't make it very easy!