Moving Out Advice

[onequickquestion]

Hi All

A bit of a weird one considering I'm the child and want advice about my situation from other parents. Im currently planning on moving in with my partner who is 24 and I'm 25, we both have great savings and currently in good jobs. The problem is we live at the opposite ends of the country so my partner is going to be moving to me. She has been looking for work for around 5 months now and isn't hearing anything back, even for stuff she is over qualified for. She has spoken to them since and they've said its because your still living over there and not here.

So the best chance of her getting a good job is to move down here and start applying.

This is where the problems start her parents arnt having any of this and said no matter what they don't want her to move until she's got a job and keeps making her promise to them she won't. She keeps getting really upset about the situation as she don't want to upset them but wants to carry on with her life. We've been putting it off and putting it off but its getting to much now just to keep doing it to please her parents.

What are your thoughts on this situation?

What happens if she moves and still can't get anything? I have DC of similar ages and one was out of work for months.

Apart from that they are being a bit silly. 25 is more than old enough to move out.

I know and we understand that, thats why we have been holding off but put our savings together we have over £20000, I get payed enough to pay for two properties a month on my own. I do contract work but its very unlikely my contract will end any time soon, so money shouldn't be a problem.

Why does she need to tell them she's not living there yet? Can she not just use your address for correspondence? Even though in reality they'd email rather than write.

Presumably she'll be given enough notice to get there in the event of an interview?

She works full time at the minute and will struggle to get the time off at short notice. Then she will have to pay £150 for a flight or train it down which will take 6hrs and still be about the same price. She has done that in the past but it cost her about £150 for them to turn her down.

She keeps getting really upset about the situation as she don't want to upset them.

She doesn't want to upset them, but they are perfectly fine about upsetting her? Why are her parents' feelings more important then hers? If she wants to change the situation, she is going to have to accept that her parents may be unhappy with her actions.

If she gives up her job and moves in with you, she will be taking a risk. You say that it's her parents who keep making her promise not to give up her job. I wonder if there is also a part of her that is afraid of taking that risk.

It is her decision to make, not yours and not her parents'.

The parents seem to be.emotionally blackmailing her to do as.they.think she should. It is up to her to break the bonds which are as much of her making as theirs. Perhaps, only speculation on my part, she is using their objections as an excuse as deep down the move etc is too much for her. I sympathise because my parents used the blackmail technique until I realised that I had to grow up and "cast off" properly into adulthood. I am not sure how you solve this other than discussion wih her but no doubt you have tried that. Does she have any insight into what is.going on? Presumably, she knows that if she upsets them they will foist their upset on both of you. If she finds a job near you while living with them they may come up with more.obstacles. Do.they have.other children? If she did come and live with you the parents might make all kinds of difficulties. Her decision of course, not either yours or theirs. Good luck.

Maybe she could get time off from her job - a week or a fortnight maybe - and in that time she could come and stay at yours and do some intensive job-hunting. It sounds like her parents need to get used to living without her. The whole job thing might just be a smokescreen - for them as much as her.