Other mums/women are better than me

[mandymoo]

I've already posted this thread under Depression but need more replies so thought i would post it again here.

Basically, when at toddler groups etc other mums just seem to act/speak/handle situations better than me. I always seem so uneasy and nervous and everyone else seems so confident and popular.

Within the workplace, other females just dont seem to warm to me. Maybe i try too hard, i really dont know. I do tend to get on better with men so being in toddler groups and an office full of women isnt my idea of fun.

Do any others feel like this or am i just being totally pathetic

Your not being pathetic!!
Sounds like your putting yourself under alot of pressure.
The other mums may seem perfect in there ways etc.. but the saying goes 'never judge a book by its cover' nothing and believe me nothing is what it seems.
They'll be just like you except they may have been going longer and so no more people.

I also have a slight inferiority complex around other women and mums, it is getting better now though (my DD is almost 3).

It started off as me thinking that other Mums were looking down on me as a young mum (I was 20 when DD was born, so not that young). This was when DD was tiny. It then seemed to develop into me half believing the the thoughts I was having .

I don't know what advice to offer, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this !

I suspect that a lot of these 'confident & popular' mums are just as eager to be liked and as unsure of themselves as you are, they just mask it well.

How old are is your child / children? what sort of situations do other mums handle better than you?

DD is 2.8 yrs - to give you an example, when a child has a tantrum at toddler group their mum just seems to know exactly what to do/say etc. When DD has a tantrum, i become a blithering idiot, go bright red and feel so self concious(sp?). I know other mums probably feel like this but on the outside it really doesnt seem like it sometimes.

You need to practice handling tantrums to see whay works for your DD. I find that ignoring my DS when he has a tantrum works or alternatively squeezing his hand quite hard

How about trying out some of the other mums methods that seem to work?

The more you worry about people watching you, the more embarrassed or awkward you will feel.

I'm guessing by your DD's age, there will be plenty more tantrums to come.

I find that most time mums are watching you to see if they can pick up any tips. I know i do. I have two children andmy face still goes red. But this week when my ds has a tantrum i repeat in my head. "I will not be beaten by you" meaning my son. Then just pick him up and walk off. Bloody hell it works. His screams are much shorter. But the bruises where he is kicking me are worst...

Snap! You could be me.

But bear in mind that in your average toddler group type situation, there will be a fair proportion of lonely/unconfident women just dying for someone to show an interest in them, fretting about their looks/kids behaviour etc. look at the number of people that post on here feeling like this about groups - you are far from alone. the more people you pluck up the courage to speak to, the more chance you have of making friends.

obviously as I have never met you, I can't say at all what you are like socially - but what helps me is to pick my battles - i.e. to try to accept my limitations. Rather than dreaming of being Miss Congeniality, just think of your good qualities - and accept yourself for them.

best of luck

also you might find it less stressful to go activity oriented groups, such as library storytime/swimming/baby massage etc - where there is an inbuilt activity/point of discussion than just bogstandard church hall M & T groups.

mummytosteven,

Thanks for your replies.

I try and make conversation with as many mums as possible simply because i strive for adult conversation sometimes! However, DD is going through i particularly clingy phase (esp at groups etc) and so i find it hard to be able to maintain a conversation as inevitably dd will be dragging me off in another direction. I am quite a sociable person in that i like to meet new people and although i feel like crying on the inside, i can put on a happy face and summon up courage to talk to people. Just wish these silly feelins would go away. I appreciate i am not alone in my feelings. Just wish no one had to feel like this.

However, in the grand scheme of things its no biggie. Just wondered if others felt the same X