Help, toddler holding in wee, worried she will become ill

[mac12]

DD1 is bright, funny cheerful 2.7, except when it comes to the potty/toilet. She asked to start toilet training (all her friends are out of nappies now) but hates going on the potty - she can hold in her wee for hours, getting herself distressed with the effort of holding it in, but will not allow herself to go on the potty or toilet. Eventually we will have a flood over the floor. I've tried everything (including stickers, bribes, sitting on the potty every 15 minutes, giving up and going back to nappies) but so far we've only ever had two wees in the potty. We made a real fuss of her then and she was proud as punch. Has anyone else had anything else like this and how did you resolve it? I don't want to give up and go back to nappies again as that's just going to confuse her and she says she wants to toilet train and wear pants. But I'm worried she's going to make herself ill carrying on like this.

How long have you been training?

IMO if the training isn't showing a degree of improvement over, say, 1 week - maximum - then you should stop completely. It becomes stressful, and stress is unhelpful in toilet training.

She won't become confused by going back into nappies full-time, nly if sometimes she wears nappies and sometimes pants. You can tell her that she seems to be having difficulty using the toilet, so you're going to go back to nappies for a while and will try again in a few weeks time.

Another option is to try lining the potty with a nappy.

we started at the weekend. It's been a bit better today because although she held in her wee from 6.45 am until 2.30pm, she has been less distressed about it. The change is we have decided to completely back off, never mention the potty now, never prmopt her to use it, and we're going to let her lead the way and remove the power struggle that this was starting to become. We explained the new approach to her and why we were doing it and we were trusting her as a big girl to do what was best for her and her wees and poos. Admittedly we still haven't had a wee in the potty but today she did go and sit on it voluntarily and when she did a wee at the dining room table she simultaneously said "mummy i need to go on the potty". This is a huge break through!

Fingers crossed for you Mac - how's today going? This potty training malarkey is no fun, is it?!

My DD seems to be doing the same - she's 2.11, and has always been very negative about the idea of using a potty, so we haven't really gone for it until this last weekend.

We went cold turkey on daytime nappies which she accepted with a sort of sad resignation (though she did show some enthusiasm re the Night Garden pants!). She SOBBED each time she was put on the potty, and protested frantically that she didn't need to go when she obviously did - but did manage a few wees on it over the weekend through sheer desperation. For three days though the pattern was basically that she would hold on and hold on till she started dribbling, then either eventually wet herself or accidentally 'let go' while on the potty.

She has also been holding on till night time to poo in her nappy.

Can't quite believe this, but just as I was typing the above paragraph she calmly said 'I want to go on the potty mummy' - then took herself off and had a wee

No idea what has triggered this change of heart - I have been nagging her less while we've been in the house though.

I did nag her at toddler group this morning and she wouldn't go even though she obviously needed to, and wet herself in her pram coming home - maybe that was it?

What I am sure of is that she is old enough to be totally aware of what's expected of her, and it's now up to her to decide to do it. Will report back!

That's encouraging to hear. We've had one wee on the potty today, no fuss or tears - I think she surprised herself when it came out! But this afternoon has been difficult as she's obviously been dying for a poo and has held it in, fussing about when she was going to have her bath and get into a nappy for bed. We haven't nagged about it but left it to her to decide what to do wtih her poo - she's in a nappy but I've also left the potty in her room. I hate the thought of her holding in poo as I'm sure it's not good for her and I don't want it to become a habit - not to mention how silly and fidgety it makes her behaviour. Still, there has been definite improvement since the weekend so maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel - I really never thought I'd be in an internet chat room posting about my daughter's bowel movements, ah the glamour of parenting!

I think the poo is a whole nother ballgame to wees, if DD is anything to go by. She is definitely getting constipated as has only has 3 (overnight) poos in nappies over 5 days - usually she goes every day straight after breakfast.

However the wee situation is more encouraging - she seems to have twigged now that she CAN wee on the potty and that she gets lots of praise - I could hardly keep her off it this afternoon, she was making a big performance of going even when she didn't really need to! Which is SO ironic given the hysterics and protestations of only 24 hours ago...

Nappies are SO much easier

Tom (3.2) will only pee in the potty standing up. He has no desire to sit on it, so he also holds his poos in. He has pooed on the carpet a few times. Not sure if he was aiming for the potty! We have seats for the actual toilet, but don't want to stress him out with those atm. We tried him with pants on the other day, but he'd peed in them before pulling them down, so need to work on that.

How's it going?

Well it's going okaaaay here. After a few days of holding in poo till night time and getting VERY miserable about it, she finally succumbed and started having one as she walked across the living room the other day

Luckily it was accompanied by loud grunts so I had time to grab her and get her to the potty just in time. She was very pleased with being able to examine the results and fortunately the next time she needed to go she went on the potty.

SO - after a very rocky start, hopefully it will continue to work... (still think nappies are easier though )

We have had two days with poos in the potty - because I caught her just as it was about to come and got her to the potty in time. But no wees at all. She is like a camel. She can hold it in for most of the day and then we get a lake on the floor or in the car seat. But she does seem to have got over her aversion to the potty now and will sit on it quite happily, usually unprompted, although nothing comes out. She has got the bladder control but I don't think she has the control over the muscles to release the wee, if that makes sense. But we're all much more relaxed about it now - we don't really mention the potty and she seems much happier. So little steps forward every day.

mac12 - my dd is so like yours! I tried one when she was 2.6 and failed because she can hold in a wee for 6 or 7 hours. The usual potty training advice seems to think that they'll be lots of wees over the first few days and so once they have had lots of accidents they will "get it". But when your child only wees twice a day it takes so much longer.

We adopted the same approach, never asking if she needs a wee but saying "the potty is there, let me know if you need it". 2 days of accidents and she tells me know that she needs it. She's now not had an accident in weeks!

For poos, I read that if they do it in their nappy you should take them to the toilet with the nappy and empty contents of nappy down the toilet. Apparently within 3 weeks they will be happy to use the toilet. For me, I am fairly sneaky and fill her full of raisins, peaches, pears, apricots and lots and lots of water. It means that when she needs to go it slides out (sorry if tmi) and there is no way that she can hold onto it till bedtime. It was traumatic for 3 weeks but now is ok, even if she will only go on the potty in front of the TV!

So glad to hear someone else has been through this - none of the potty training guides seem to cover this particualr issue. We have hardly any accidents from our camel (she goes all morning at nursery without weeing, saving it up for the car seat on the ride home). After our initial success of poos on the potty, we've now had two days without a poo, even though i can tell she needs one. I'm going to employ your tactic of extra raisins, fruit and water to get her to go tomorrow and we'll see how we get on. But on the positive side, she is much happier about getting on the potty and telling me there is something coming - even though nothing ever comes!

Hi & HELP!

We went nappy-free (apart from sleeping) on Friday and followed the Gina Ford Week Programme and it worked really well for us, we've had all pees in the potty and she's proudly filling up the sticker chart(though we did all get a bit cabin/potty crazy

... but we've got 2 problems and they're getting worse

1. She won't poo in the potty
2. She won't go near the potty at nursery - help!

She goes like clockwork after breakfast so I thought it would be easy, but she didn't want to poo in the potty and held on until she pood her pants (3 days in a row) then the last 2 days she's just held on. Encouragement last night & this morning has got her sitting on the potty trying, but she's obviously constipated & it hurts so she gets up and starts crying. I'm getting on edge she's going to explode any minute .

Tuesday she went to nursery ... peeing disaster! Held on all day, got upset & refused to use the potty, then wet herself. As soon as she came home she happily trotted to her potty and filled it to the brim!

I thought maybe it was a different potty, so we took hers in Wednesday - same again, Though she happily peed in it at nursery when I picked her up.

Progres I thought, but ...

When I dropped her off this morning, she was screaming & upset even at the mention of the potty. I'm really worried she's got a barrier about peeing at nursery with someone else & she'll make herself ill or learn to hate nursery. This is so hard , any advice?

Sympathies - it's very difficult and disheartening isn't it

You may find that it's just a matter of time, and as she gets more used to using the potty at home as a matter of course then it will be easier for her to relax and use it at nursery. It's still quite early days if she only started on Friday.

My DD was doing pretty much the same, although we didn't have the nursery complication. I did find that she got much more distressed though when I tried to get her to use the potty when we were out and about in public toilets etc. It took well over a week for her to be able to use her potty when out and about without distress/refusal.

How many people are usually with her when she is offered the potty at nursery? Do they take her off to a quiet room with just one person she knows well?

Re the pooing - my DD was doing pretty much exactly the same and getting very miserable. But they do have to go eventually... the big turning point for DD was when I caught her straining one day and grabbed her and put her on the potty - she was so thrilled to see the results that she was keen to do it again the next day (nice). She also loves helping to take it to the toilet and tipping it down there herself (the novelty of that one is quickly wearing off for me though )

It might help if you can spend time alone with her at home at the weekend and just have a very chilled time so that she has plenty of opportunities to use the potty without any extra 'stress factors'. Good luck!

Cheers for that. Interesting you ask about the quiet room / people about as when we tried to go for a pee with her at nursery she wanted the door shut so no-one could come in. ??

She (almost) got to the potty for a poo tonight but got really upset so I sort of manoevured her on the potty as she finished & started the praise and once cleaned up, she was very happy to get her sticker & proudly went through to tell Daddy.

I;ve never been so pleased to clean up poo , but I can see how the novelty would quickly wear off

Yup, think a nice quiet weekend is in order. No stress!!

I'm back with an update. One month on and there has been little progress - we got a few poos on the potty (no more than ten in all that time) and one wee (yes, just one wee). So we left it, went back to nappies and decided she just wasn't ready, no big deal, it would happen when she was ready. But after a couple of days wearing nappies, she has said she wants to go back to pants. She just takes her nappy off and bins it (or leaves it somewhere for me to find it) and if she then wets herself, goes and changes her clothes all by herself, so i have to do some detective work to find the puddle of wee (she's an independent little body).
So we're back where we started - wee everywhere but nothing in the potty. As she does a wee, she says to me "I'm doing a wee, I need to go on the potty." But it's always too late and hasn't improved over the course of the last month. And now she's resistant to the potty AND to nappies! But on the positive side, at least she isn't holding in the wees as much. Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone else had similar experience of such slow progress and so much resistance? I'm trying hard to stay cool and relaxed but sometimes it's through very gritted teeth.
Sorry this is so long.

Bumping this in the hope somehas has some wise words of counsel...

dear potty potty,
How is it going at nursery now? Just trained my daughter who was initially fine going at nursery and has been both clean and dry for a few weeks. She now won't go at nursery and holds wee in for ages.....hours and hours. Then goes in her nappy at nap time or not even then!! She may do one wee at nursery all day in either potty / big loo but does seem to have an aversion to going there. It is just her and her key person with her in there as I checked, (and they close the door as I have noticed she likes the door closed - privacy!! ) but today on the way to toilet she started screaming that she wanted nappy nappy! They don;t ask her much if she needs loo, but even when she went in there to wash her hands before snack they had to convince her that it wasn;t to go to wee, she kept saying ''no wee no wee'' It's getting worse. She is fine when we go out and about she will happily go at people's houses, in shops / public toilets on the big loo (with or without trainer seat) so am very confused and also worried. I don't want her to be distressed. Apart from that she is happy at nursery.
Any advice??

So I thought I knew what I was doing with potty training business. I trained both of my sons in a week (night and day aged 2.5) so set about the same format with my twin daughters (2.4 amid freinds telling me girls are so much easier to train than boys) with a smug feeling about thinking this will be a doddle. Wrong! One of the is going great we started on Tuesday and she has not had an accident since Wednesday hooray. The other like others I have read here holds on all day until nappy and bed time (on the plus side bed time routine has never been quicker, but this is not the aim), the first day she was the star and did her first wee of the day on it with no help just ran there and did it. After that she slipped once trying to sit on it and wouldn't go near it. Even if I picked her up mid wee she went stiff as a board and wouldn't sit. The next day I just tried to et her to sit on the potty any how, with nappy anything, without much success. Then last night I had a brain wave and put a small ball in the potty and asked her to sit on the ball rather than the potty which worked and by today she was happy to sit on the potty (without ball) for a short time thoughout the day. She sat for quite long periods by the end of the day, she help her wee all day though and was clearly jumpy and unconfortable. When sitting on the potty every time she was about to go she would jump to her feet and stop it. So some progress every day, but I am sure the holding cannot be good, after all I couldn't hold like that. Any advice for helping her to actually relax into letting it go - have tried reading to her, making her laugh, watching favorite TV show, massaging her shoulders, tickling her ribs, brothers and sister cheering or should I just put her back into nappies and leave it for now. She is a happy little thing, but my heart broke at bed time her sister did her last wee on the pot before I put her nappy and PJ's on and I said to her "good girl you are doing so well", nothing over the top or loud, but we were all in the same room and she said "sorry Mummy". I have praised her for all the steps she has made and reinforced it when she said that tonight, but wondered if I should re-think.

Sorry so long, Any thoughts?

Hey mac12, I know this going back a few years now but how did you end up going with your DD? Mine is 29 months now and doing the same thing, she holds on for hours but just with me; she's fine with dad, her sitter and grandparents. She'll obviously be busting to go, runs to me and and sems desperate but then when I mention doing a wee she thrashes about saying no! She was doing great for a couple of months, telling me when she needed to go, even in the middle of playing but it suddenly stopped and has been this way for nearly 3 weeks now. I wonder if I need to be firm with boundaries or do I take a step back and give her this control!? I'm desperate for advice from someone who knows what I'm going through!