would you have a 3.5yr old ds and 6m old dd sharing a room?

[serenequeen]

hope wise mumsnetters might help me with this conundrum.

we could do with another bedroom asap to accommodate an au pair. ds (3.5) and dd (6m) currently have separate rooms, so putting them together could be a solution.

i'm instinctively opposed to this atm because:

• ds is horribly jealous atm - putting dd in his room might make him even more jealous
• ds might hurt dd
• they might disturb eachother - both currently good sleepers
• they would need separate bedrooms anyway in the fullness of time, so why not start as we mean to go on

...but am i just being overcautious?

would/do you do this?

thanks in advance

I would try it.

well you don't have much to lose by trying it. My experiments thus far have failed, but if yours sleep well then they will probably be fine (mine don't sleep any worse together, but they do spark each other off when they wake and then there is no solution but to separate again - currently they go to sleep together but ds2 gets moved at our bedtime).
The jealousy thing is a bit hard - ds1 definitely still sees it as 'his' room that ds2 just happens to be staying in, rather than 'their' room. He is quite keen on him being there though - although he does really hate it when ds2 cries and stops him sleeping! I only had one hairy moment - I'd left them when ds2 was still crying (usually not a problem) and returned to find that ds1 had piled a load of cushions on top of ds2's face...yikes...I gave a very serious explanation and it hasn't happened again...

Agree, would try it. Even separate rooms doesn't solve jealouy. Oldest brother still used to get up in the night to strangle younger brother because he was "breathing too loudly".

Message withdrawn

No I wouldn't. Dd will be teething soon, and even the best little Gina babes can have disturbed nights when that starts. And IIRC Ds still wakes really early - and dd is unlikely to sleep through his waking when she is in lighter sleep herself.
Sleep is the MOST precious commodity. ONce you have good sleepers don't even think of doing anything to jpeoardise it.

We've presently got DS 6 sharing with DD 15mths, after them both having big seperate rooms until october when we moved, hopefully won't be here for long, but I thought it'd be worse than it has been, they get on really well and don't disturb each other. Only problem we've found though is that we have to be careful what DS 6 is playing with as he has alot of small toys, like lego which are dangerous to DD who puts everything in her mouth, we've also had to put alot of their toys up in the loft due to restricted space. Suppose you won't have that to worry about for a while though.

Our DS (5) will be sharing a bedroom with his baby sister (due in 4 weeks). He is looking forward to it very much. DS wears hearing aids during the day but not at night, so his sleep won't be disturbed by his sister's crying (provided I don't switch on lights etc). We don't yet know if the little girl will be hearing or not but I can't see how she'll be disturbed by DS. If this doesn't work, we'll put them in separate bedrooms. We're planning to move the children's bedroom to the smallest room in the flat and make our bedroom a day & playroom (and DS's current bedroom our new bedroom).

thank you for these responses

anyone else? tia

Mine had a similar age gap and they shared once dd was 5 months. Neither of them ever once woke the other and ds was much happier at the thought that dd was sleeping in his room than ours (although that's not an issue with yours, I know). They are still insisting on sharing now, 6 years on, although I don't suppose it can go on past this year. I found it nice reading bedtime stories with them both already tucked up in their own beds, but if you really think safety is an issue then that's more importnat than cosiness I guess

If they are both sleeping well then give it a go. I'm currently looking for somewhere bigger, for lots of reason but 1 being that dd(12mths) is still in with us and I can't put her in with ds(3y10mth)as her screaming wakes up ds from our room!God knows what'll be like if she was in there with him.
Good Luck!

personally I wouldn't. They have nothing to 'gain' from being together at such an early age, perhaps when the baby is older and they can have fun together. You have the jealousy factor which can only get worse if you move the baby in, and you risk disturbing their sleep patterns. I would also be worried about older child putting things on top of baby etc. Its difficult, but I wouldn't do it myself.

I have DS 3.8 and DS 4moths together. DS1 was desperate to share with him (we were originally planning to put him with DD who is closer in age). Like Christina DS1 wears hearing aids in the day so isn't disturbed and sometimes in the morning we can hear him talking to his brother if he is awake which is sweet.

My two have shared since DD2 was about four months old, I think, but then DD1 is a softy who adores her sister and sleeps soundly and DD2 is a tough nut who burbles happily into the night when not bashing every toy of dd1's she can reach through the bars of her cot, so it's not quite the same thing.

bump!

Hi sq.I'd definitely give it a go if the spare room would be useful, I think. I suspect that it might actually cement their relationship in many ways. Jealousy is part of love and separation doesn't necessarily teach kids how to deal with that as an emotion, IMO, though obviously it may be necessary on occasion. But ds will have to learn not to hurt dd and is possibly less likely to do so when there is no lovely mummy or daddy around for dd to charm. Plus if dd is in a cot he will find it hard to get to her without alerting you to his evil intent I'd have thought! If they are both sleeping well they will probably continue to do so- you've established a kind of "good sleeping culture" and as for starting as you mean to go on- wouldn't it be v exciting for them to get separate "grown up' rooms later on?

My sister and I had separate rooms from a v early age on almost exactly the same reasoning and actually really wanted to be together (pre-teenage years.)

Scummy,
Sometimes I wish you were my mum.

That sounds really pervy, doesn't it

Well... I have been trying to talk partner into adoption at some later stage, mi. He's not keen thus far but perhaps if he met you he'd change his mind.

thank you everyone for these comments

dh and i were talking about this again today and have decided we really, really don't want anyone living in anyway - so no need to go down this route.

on balance, i think i would only do this if really pressed by circumstances - e.g. if we needed to move to a smaller place. ds is so jealous at the moment, has been a mare since xmas - i just wouldn't feel comfortable imposing this on him right now. i dare say it's only a phase

thanks again