4.5 year old licking public spaces and flight risk

[idontknowwhattodo2026]

Hi my 4.5 year old has a wild imagination which is great but I feel he can get so intensely lost in his own world of make belief that he loses safety awareness. The lesser end of it is constantly falling and bumping into things. The more worrying side of it is that 1: he likes to pretend for example he is a mop on the supermarket or restaurants etc and just start li king the floor. Or in public bathrooms, also walls and mirrors.
the other worrying thing 2: he gets so into being a puppy he tries to run away as he so desperately wants to be a lost puppy, or some other game etc. These are just a couple examples but he has becomes a flight risk and won’t stop licking things. Even my friends have noticed and started asking does he need a harness and they are also keeping an eye on him in case he bolts… He can be so lost in the moment he won’t respond to being told to stop right away etc so I just have to pick him up which Soemtimes results in meltdown but rather be safe.

sometimes he is so lost in small world play it is hard to speak to him, it’s as if I am not there , even if I’m in his face it’s like he’s seeing right threw me to continue his game.
he is only just fully toilet trained during the day, and I did show him videos of dogs doing the toilet on an actual toilet, and then after that he was happy to try a poo on the toilet which only just happened last week. And now I’m worried I have fed into this fantasy world.
I’ve also let him lick me while pretending to be a puppy although eventually I do ask him to stop but maybe I need to be firmer on that? But I guess thought that was harmless until he started licking floors etc. anyway not really sure what I’m asking just mainly advice on the licking public spaces and running away ? Thanks very much

Reins or buggy to prevent the running away. I had one that was in the buggy until 6 in places where bolting would have been dangerous.
its easier to prevent the licking if they’re contained as well. Keep telling them not to lick and supervise very closely so they don’t have the opportunity to lick. It’ll probably mean you can’t go to the loo at the same time.
Otherwise just avoid places where bolting is dangerous and where they lick such as the supermarket

See your GP. It's not normal nor healthy.

Are you passively letting him lick the floor or giving him a row and explaining why it’s wrong? It sounds like you are not guiding him. Definitely buy reins though. I had a runner and either they grow out of it or they’ll run off and loose you for a second and get a fright and never do it again!

You sound worried; I would be, too. It’s either a phase or it’s indicative of something else going on. Bolting is extremely common in autistic children, and it’s incredibly dangerous. Licking to this extent is quite extreme sensory seeking.

Ask school if they have concerns about his ability to listen and follow instructions, and see the GP about your behavioural concerns.

Does he go to nursery or preschool? Have they commented on his behaviour at all? My dd was an absolute terror for running off aged 4 and I used to write my phone number on her arm because it got so bad at one point but I just had to hold her hand all the time until I could trust her. I also gave consequences like going home from days out because we had spoken before about not running off and she had still done it. We got there eventually.

You mention he gets lost in the moment and then has a meltdown when you pick him up. Do you follow this up, does he understand what he did wrong afterwards? "Mummy asked you to stop licking the floor because it's dirty and you didn't listen so we had to come home. Next time I want you to listen to me, can you do that?" And then remind before you go out and all the time.

Maybe try talking to him constantly and engaging him in doing the shopping so he isn't thinking about being a puppy who is licking the floor. Also put a stop to licking you and remind him at every opportunity that he isn't a puppy. Also at home try playing with him in a less imaginative way like doing craft or cooking together so building those communication skills where you give an instruction and he follows it.

Put a wrist strap on him when you're out. Tell him it's a lead if he kicks off! And just don't let him lick things. Consequences.

Buy a pet licking mat, small portable and safe to lick. And reins so he can’t bolt

Hello everyone thank for your responses -
I will try to answer all questions in this response and will take on board everything.
I will feedback to the health visitor/GP as suggested. We have had input from health visitor and early years worker with regard to toilet training (at one point he was tasting his poo thankfully that has now passed). He does seem to be a sensory seeker and it has been suggested he may be on the spectrum but at the time it was hard to tell as so young still. It could be that it’s getting to the point where it is causing some problems maybe.
I am suspected ND myself after years of mental health issues and other problems and Soemtimes o find it hard myself to know what is socially acceptable or have I cause this myself. I am very anxious. My son gets distressed if he thinks soemthing is not aligned perfectly, or in an order that makes sense to him, hence why the meltdown when I pull him away from soemthing, he can’t handle not following threw a thought or impulse or finishing an action.
of course I am not passive about licking the supermarket floor, I actually get quite cross and upset about which he finds funny.
I will try to keep him more engaged during shopping and more involved as suggested, that is a good point. So maybe I will bring a list on paper that he can help find the items and tick off. I think he would respond really well to a task like that.
and from now on when he does it to me I’ll stop him right away as I was too passive about that part. I do many activities, Lego and magnetic tiles, math workbooks, puzzles etc with him at home and let him help prep food a lot (got him special knives etc) - he is always busy and jumpy and talks non stop and basically never stops lol so when he gets into his imagination I admit it is Soemtimes a welcome break for me.
he is smart and caring but really quite demanding and intense. When out on paydays or at activities etc I do admit I am starting to worry what he will do next. Other parents find his behaviours funny quite alot, but deep down I can sense he needs dealt with differently and I am always having to figure out new ways of engaging with him.
I try my best and give a lot of love.
I was bullied at school for being different and I guess I worry about that for him too but I am projecting and that is not good. So Soemtimes it is tricky for me to figure out what’s best as my emotions get mixed in it all.
I will get reigns for him because I can’t seem to get threw to him how dangerous it is when he runs off and that’s it’s not a game.
his nursery key worker is doing 1:1 safety work with. His swimming teachers have had to call me to session a couple times not knowing how to deal with him making new rules because of him. He has been good with swimming for a while but has now had the same teacher for a while. When he gets a new teacher he shuts down for a while bit eventually gets there.
on the surface of it everything is fine but the more people get to know him it becomes evident there is just always something having to deal with so I worry for him and I don’t want his mental health to suffer like mine. he is otherwise amazing and smart and kind and stroppy lol. I do love his imagination but I do need to learn to rein it in to a safer level.
sorry for the rant thanks for listening

Please don't carry the guilt about the dog video — you used what he was interested in to get him on the toilet, that's meeting him where he is, not feeding a problem. You didn't cause any of this.

We've got a 3-year-old who disappears into his own world too, and the one thing that actually gets through when he's mid-game is getting down to his level and a hand on his shoulder before I speak. Calling his name from across the room just doesn't land. A short warning before a transition has really helped with the meltdowns too — 'two more goes, then we go' — because being scooped up mid-thought is genuinely horrible for them.

The reins are a good call and there's nothing to feel bad about. Safety has to come before what other parents think, and honestly nobody who has had a bolter judges it. The shopping list is a great idea too — giving him a job keeps his brain busy so there's less room for the puppy game to take over. And stopping the licking you straight away is right; at home, giving that sensory need a safe place to go — a licking mat, something chewy — can take the pressure off the floors.

You're already doing the right things: GP, health visitor, nursery doing the 1:1 safety work. That paper trail matters, and it takes ages, so keep notes of everything. We've been through the SEN side of things in our family and the waiting and second-guessing is the hardest part. He's smart and kind and intense — those things go together more often than people think, and it doesn't mean you're failing him.

He sounds a lot like my younger son. At that age he was constantly pretending to be a cat, would lick people (including strangers), would crawl around on the floor meowing etc. He would sometimes have meltdowns (screaming and hitting) but also shutdowns (hiding under a table or covering his face with his hands and refusing to speak).

At 9 he is diagnosed autistic, and is a super happy little kid who is popular and doing well academically. He is just a little bit quirky/unusual in his behaviours!

He has had a lot (and I mean A LOT) of occupational therapy, which has really helped us. He sees an OT every week and we do half an hour every day doing whatever exercises/activities they suggest. This has been really expensive as he wouldn’t get that much help on the NHS, so appreciate that may not be an option. But if you start looking for OT exercises for sensory seeking behaviours, and reflex integration, you can find a lot of free advice online.

I didn’t know children did that 😮. Can you keep him on a lead under close control?

Thank you for your kind words and thanks to everyone. It is nice to know I am doing ok and not the only one. I will keep doing my best and thanks for all the suggestions I will definitely take on board thanks x

Oh he has actually had an OT referral so will see how it that goes thanks.
I don’t think he realised how bad the licking was until he started licking the supermarket floor! With a lot of behaviours it seems like an urge he can’t help so learning more strategies with OT will be good thanks ☺️

You need to request an ND assessment from the GP / nursery

always parent the child you have. You don’t need to follow expectations of what a child should be doing.

google “sensory chews”. Get a few that look promising for him including something like a necklace or something for his sleeve that he can carry easily when you go out.

use reins of some sort for now. Even just a wrist might be enough. Dd was small enough for long enough we were able to use that monkey backpack for a very long time. That felt less evil for some reason.

When not using those, you just have to make him stand right next to you and even hold on to you when you need both hands for a task. It is exhausting being in high alert every single second when out.

There is a very good chance he is on the spectrum. That isn’t a bad thing. It he is doing well in other ways, finding that out just gives you the confidence to parent him the way he needs.

He sounds autistic. My four year old is autistic and he wears special SEN reins. I recommend them. Plenty of SEN kids use them.

He won't understand about how dangerous things are. My son thinks it is funny to escape his car seat when the car is moving or lie down in the road.

Thank you - waiting for a visit from the health visitor who has said she will also go to nursery and observe LO there. His key worker has also said they have made adjustments already around safety as they notice he is in a world of his own etc, but they will also try certain challenges etc

Omg yes I did end up getting a car seat with a chest pad instead of harness as he kept escaping and I make a lot of long drives alone with him to visit family. I wasn’t sure at first because I hadn’t experienced one before but it’s been great. He was raging at first because he couldn’t escape but he’s used to it now lol

Thank you I will get some reins for him thanks

Thank you this is very good advice thanks.

Another vote for reins or a pushchair! We tend to mix what we use depends on how long we are out for, also could be worth looking at the backpack style ones.

Littlelife do some animal style ones which are great!

Thanks I will look at backpack ones - I also have a lead for the scooter and considers trying that to his back pack so could do that in the meantime! I’ll get the wrist ones for the supermarket

Google hobble de hoo. Proper SEN ones.

That would be very difficult, if not impossible!