11 year old lack of self care.

[NewGoldFox]

My younger son (11) often fails to adequately brush his teeth, wash his hair properly and yesterday neglected to eat his lunch at school. He has the option to buy lunch or eat his packed lunch but did neither yesterday.

I’m getting so frustrated that he seems not to be able to look after himself to a basic degree. I’m constantly having to keep on at him - is this just normal? My older son takes care of himself but I truly believe my younger would just not do anything without my prompting.

Edited to say that teeth would go unbrushed entirely if I left him to his own devices.

My eldest is a similar age and autistic and we have to work on it every day. Have you done this? Have you done that? Etc.

Children are different.

Either remind him or let him be smelly with bad teeth.

My DD is 10 and is miles and miles off self-initiating any of this stuff. She’s highly likely to have SEN though.

My 9yo daughter is autistic and struggles with a lot of self care especially hair care, eating unless instructed to etc. Do you do things like social stories daily tick lists etc to help him take ownership and remember what order things need to be done? I think at only 11 I would still be checking in that each task is done (not doing it for him). I really struggle with the balance between pushing independence and also offering enough support. I find it really hard to know what the right amount of expectation is

My son was exactly the same at this age.

not eating lunch for one day is not a big deal though.

I made mine use a disclosing tablet every day then he had to clean his teeth properly as they were purple otherwise.

he started showering and doing his own teeth consistently about 13/14. When he discovered girls.

Yes, that sounds fairly normal. Or at least, not uncommon. I was still chasing my ds, at 16, to shower, wash his hair and clean his teeth. Then he noticed that half the population are female and his attitude changed over night.

Keep chasing your ds, he'll get there eventually.

I wouldn’t mind reminding him just get scared that he is never going to start thinking about the things his body needs.
Every dinner time we have to prompt him to keep eating, he’s happy just to talk all through dinner. The vast majority of the time he finishes well after we do and we have to keep on at him.
I suppose for now I just keep on nagging and checking.
And feel awful about it but I am secretly hoping when puberty/interest in other people kicks in that he will start to consider himself more.

He sounds neurodivergent to me.

Jesus. Why is this now a standard reply to EVERYTHING. At 11, I'd sit in the bathroom with the shower run and pretend to be in. I was lazy. Same with the teeth.

My dd is also like this and is autistic. It’s like are doesn’t herself good enough to take care of. She has constant reminders and at nearly 15 it’s so frustrating and sad

edited due to predictive text

@LostittoBostik I generated some social stories for him and went through the tooth brushing one with him last night and am quite hopeful that these will go some way towards helping him. Thank you for the suggestion as I had not heard of these before.

my youngest is 14 and just starting to be reliable to shower every day and brush his teeth without constant nagging.
Neurotypical and lazy - probably the same as PP seems interest in others may have spurred him to take better care of himself.
the food thing is also fixing itself at 5’9” and still shooting up it seems the need for food is spurring him on too.
Ive got 2 older boys and they are entirely self sufficient now - hang in there it will come together

It's a phase, give it another couple of years and you won't get him out of the bathroom and your house will reek of Linx Africa.

I think it's normal to need to remind those things at that age. I wouldn't worry about skipping 1 lunch.