Routines, consistency, especially leading up to bedtime, for 2yo?

[Humula]

I’m not sure we’ve got the balance right at home for our little one who has just turned 2. I feel like we need more of a routine, with set things at set times, especially in the evenings. DH is more of an ‘every day is different,’ which I don’t always think is putting DS first and has led to DS being overtired at the end of the day when we are still out and about.

For example, DH likes us to go out every day in the holidays and at weekends. Does not like staying at home even if we have jobs to do around the house. So farm, zoo, NT, shopping centre, markets etc, But because we’re out and about, the lunchtime nap can be all over the place depending on what we’re doing. I don’t think that’s helpful. That said - DS has never gone down for his nap for us as early as he does at nursery (12pm), and sometimes we can’t get him to sleep at all. So maybe I am overthinking here.

We can also get back too late for there to be a bedtime routine, it’s just time for a nappy change, into PJs then up to bed.

I think it would be a good idea to put boundaries in place e.g. we always have to be home by 5, is this reasonable?

Then in the evening, does everyone have a set routine? Like, always dinner at 5:30, reading at 6:30, bath at 7 and so on? We just don’t have enough consistency I feel. DS’s natural bedtime is 8:45pm so there should be enough time for a set routine.

Or am I overthinking and it’s actually okay for there not to be consistency every day?

I think by 2 daytime can be more flexible, naps are being dropped etc but evening no. A predictable routine with dinner, wind down etc before bed is really important. I would say the time on the clock is less important than the rhythm of it though. So dinner, tv time for half an hour, bath and stories then tucking up in bed. It's the predictable rhythmwhich helps children understand what's happening.

Depending on your two year old, they may nap until they are almost 5, or they might drop the nap really soon. My 2.5 year old didn't nap every day, so I am not slavish about daytime naps - if they get 30 minutes in their cot, buggy or the car at some point, that's good enough. If they don't nap, we bring bedtime forward. If we know we will be out closer to bedtime, we do the bedtime routine on the go - toilet, teeth, pyjamas, story - and put them to 'bed' in their car seat and transfer to bed asleep. We keep bedtime within 15-20 minutes of normal, we try to keep meals within 30 minutes of normal (otherwise I have a hangry toddler!). I do sympathise with both of you, my toddler does well on routine (fixed wake up and bedtime) BUT I also like to get out at the weekend, and we just make the routine part of the excursion, IYSWIM.

Thank you both, that’s really helpful!

My DS is 2.5. I find maintaining the routine, with a big outing in the morning then nap at home, very routine quiet evening = very, very happy toddler and zero tantrums. He is literally a joy to be around 100% of the time.

If we go out and push it (which we do from time to time) = tantrums, overtiredness, just nightmare.

So yes, our life revolves around his routine as it makes everyone's life more enjoyable.