As Christmas approaches, are there any other parents out there who almost look forward to their children becoming adults and old enough to do their own things sometimes over Christmas? I probably sound like a miserable old bag; don’t get me wrong when my kids were little, I was the magic! We did Lapland, Polar Express, private Santa visits etc. I’ve been a single and only parent for over 10 years now, juggling full time work and the expenses of Christmas. It was worth it when the magic still existed.
Fast forward, they’re now 18 and 13, eldest has gone to university and youngest too old to believe. Now it’s just the lists and expectations of gifts and slap up meals. Cost of living kicking my arse, and after years of the juggling and stress, I find myself this year thinking I’d love to just book myself a log cabin somewhere our Welsh countryside, have a beef filled yorkie pud, a good book and a bottle of wine in peace; a hot tub would be greatly appreciated but not essentialZ Leave the rushing and the spending on stuff they won’t bother with next week to one side, and really enjoy the season peacefully. Obviously can’t do so now, I’m just dreaming out loud.
I think it comes from never really loving Christmas, it was always about my mum when I was small. All done her way, Christmas Eve baby so again was all about her, the set up was never catered to kids, always centred around her wants and all hell would break loose if not. I never grew up with that childlike excitement. She used to buy packs of knickers and wrap them individually, or get a makeup set she liked and give me the bits she didn’t like, or opened and used perfumes from eBay. Not because they couldn’t afford it (my dad earned killer money and she never had to work), but because she’s genuinely had an issue with me forever and spending money on anyone except herself until my kids came along. Then she seemed to compete with what I could give them, and every Christmas trip I took them on would have to involve her and me footing cost for her too, until I eventually said no and she absolutely lost her shit. Any gift I asked for as a small child was a no, too expensive, too tacky, too grownup and so on. Just anything to be a bit mean and spiteful to be honest. Was never allowed to be upset either or I was ungrateful and was punished.
The whole season has overall has never been enjoyable, except when my children were small and I’d relish in their excitement. I’d work all hours to make sure they had whatever I could afford, and always made sure we had fun experiences every year. Now though, I’m in my 40’s, menopausal and just long for a bit of a break if I’m honest! I no longer have contact with my parents, so no longer have to worry about gifts I buy them being slung across a room if they don’t like it, and my children are usually really grateful and happy. Now I’m just waiting for them to get to a point where they want to do the Christmas shop and cook the bloody turkey. I don’t even like turkey.
Anyhoo, any suggestions of things I can dream of and add to a Christmas time bucket list for the future are welcome. I’m not green with a squished face. Honest. Just a tired, middle aged woman who is dreaming of a day when I have time to come home to myself.