How to get 5 year old to sleep in own bed?!

[Babyputyourpantson]

Please help me with this one...

Backstory:

DD5 co slept with us until she was 3 and able to have her own room, I ended up in with her most nights as she woke up! Dd2 was born in Oct 25 and was in with us which meant DD1 got fomo and was with us also. In July when DD1 was 4.5 and DD2 10 months they both got new beds and went in together.

DD2 isn't a problem but DD1 without a doubt will always end up in our bed and I am at my wits end with it, I don't know what to do. Its clearly my fault but tbh we didn't have room until she was 3 and then I was pregnant of had a newborn with DH working nights so I was picking my battles!

If anyone has any advice please let me know! Thanks ♡

Is it just the getting in the bed that's the problem with my 4 we had a cot mattress on the floor next to our bed they just came in and went straight to sleep. We did anything so we could get a good night's sleep. The way I looked at it was they all grow out if it eventually.

No she'll go to sleep in it no problem its when she wakes up during the night she just comes in with us, I think I need to just start taking her back to bed every time but ARGH!

Firstly, it doesn’t matter where the fault lies. Give yourself some grace and don’t blame yourself.

Solving it will be exhausting but all it takes is consistency. Pick a time when you have a few days where being tired won’t impact you or your daughter. At five, you can have a conversation with her and offer a reward chart to encourage her to stay in her own bed. Agree a lovely bed time routine. Drink, teeth, story, sleep or similar. I’d also keep her busy during the day with lots of energetic activities so she is tired at bedtime.

Then, each time she comes in, take her back and tuck her up. Don’t talk too much. Better yet not at all. If you feel you must say something, keep it short and say the same thing each time. Basically, make it boring. Try not to sound cross or upset. Keep a neutral tone. Make plans for how you and your DH get some meaningful rest for these few days.

Don’t be discouraged if there are a lot of wake ups the first night. They will reduce if you keep it consistent. Allowing it after ten attempts means she will know that there is a breaking point. Hard as it is when you want to go to sleep, be consistent.m

Thank you so much going to try this tonight!

I think sleeping together for so long and then only really turfed out when her sister comes along is always going to be unsettling for her so it’s just going to be a case of time. Trust me she will grow out of it. I personally I found it too exhausting to keep getting up and down in the night to take a child back to bed (but im a lone parent of twins!) as she settles further into school and naturally becomes more tired at the end of the day you’ll find she sleeps through more

Thank you, yes I do think its a big adjustment for her I'm going to keep battling through with it i think and see if its still a problem in a few months x

We thought that would happen too. Sadly not.

So basically im not getting my bed back for another 5 years lol

Do you have room for her to have a double bed and you go in with her when she wakes? DD was an awful sleeper and we did this to save our sanity (3rd child, whatever works!). I know a double bed for a child might seem extravagant, but she’s turfed out for guests.

She’s 9 now and it’s only in the last couple of years that she sleeps through without wanting me or DH in with her in the early hours. But she’s always been in her bed, in her room rather than ours.

Hey i should have said already she does have one so I used to go in with her which may not have helped! X

I have put this on mumsnet before, but do so again in case you did not see it.

We put a mattress at the foot of our bed with a single quilt and pillow on it and my DD knew that if she felt frightened or lonely in the night she was allowed to creep in and settle herself there; but she was not to make any noise and not to wake us up.

It became a sort of game - a challenge to see how mousy quiet she could be! - and lots of joking in the morning - "Goodness! - who is this on our floor? - where did she come from?"

This phase did not last long. Just knowing she had that bolt hole seemed sufficient.

Here's a rule - if they wake in the night do not engage in conversation.

I think the key here is that she falls asleep easily in her own bed.

All of mine had their own bed, in their room, from around 18 months. They all fell asleep there, then came into our bed during the night (usually after getting up for a pee, and since I was really happy that they took themselves to the toilet during the night, I just let them get in with us and go to sleep).

They all grew out of it eventually - it slowly became getting in with us at 6am, and then just stopped, somewhere around age 6... The youngest is 7 now and still gets in with me some mornings, but usually he shows up about 2 minutes before my alarm goes off now.

I might sound like an old hippy saying this and I’m really not at all, but she’s only 5. I think as long as everyone is sleeping, the problem will sort itself out with time.

I still sit with DD until she falls asleep but she does go to sleep by herself if she has a sleepover/ stays elsewhere so it’s not like she needs me. She just likes someone else as a comfort. I think I will use the double digits to stop this in the new year.

Not at all i really used to love co sleeping with her when she was a baby but sharing a bed with her and DH is tight I might have to start going to bed back in her room with her! I could try that and then try and leave when she goes back to sleep.

YY basically this is it. You have two options to deal with this. You either grit your teeth and commit to taking her back every time, or you set up a floor bed and say she can get into that if she wants.

At 5 there is one other option - you could try bribery, ie, 7 nights in a row in your own bed and you get a prize. Make a little chart and move her forward each morning that she manages. If she comes in with you in the night, remind her of the prize and she will have to go back to the start.

Is she definitely tired enough for bed or not overtired? I feel like kids don't choose to wake up in the night so she's obviously waking up and then choosing to come to you but if she slept through she wouldn't.

I did that of in the mornings giving DD2 a fake present to say well done for staying in your own bed all night, it will either work and DD1 will start or am I going to start a life time of favouritism issues?

She goes to bed anywhere between 7 and 7:30 which i think is pretty normal for 5? She's not even wide awake she'll stagger like a zombie in our bed or wherever we are and then usually goes straight back to sleep.

What time does she wake in the morning. My 4 year old sleeps maybe 11 hours in total.

I would not involve other DC at all. Just make it about DD1 and her prize chart.