How good are your 7/8/9 year olds at small talk?

[Gertrudetheadelie]

I'm just wondering whether I'm setting the standard too high or if I'm unfair in expecting more or if it is indicative of something more in terms of social skills.

If your child is asked, by someone they don't know (in this context older adult) 'Did you enjoy your meal?' would they answer more than 'Yes, thank you'.

I'm trying to explain to my DS that he needs to expand on it more to make conversation with new people!

I have a 7 year old and would be delighted if he actually answered a question from an adult in the first place.

My ds is 7 and he would either look suspiciously at you and say yes/no or he would go into a monologue lasting 30 mins about a specific species of reptile.

Ok so I might be aiming a bit high by asking him to elaborate on the tender chicken or tasty gravy or ask reciprocal questions!

It just seems very rude to me but I'm not sure if I'm being too tough on him so it is really helpful to have perspective!

Thats wild Youd expect a child to reply more than that. You need to massively relax…poor kid

I spent a huge amount of time and energy talking when my only child was pre-verbal. I explained everything, using a wide vocabulary, from birth. I read stories, every night. And now, he never stops talking. It's brilliant. He's 27. Clever and funny.

At 7 😁

@Peonies12 I grew up in a family where that was the norm and I was the only child surrounded by adults so to me, it doesn't feel abnormal. That's why I asked for the opinions of others because I'm aware that I might be the odd one out here and that might be unfairly skewing my expectations. In my defence, those skills learnt young have served me well over the years!

@Papyrophile He's very chatty and well-spoken with us and with others on a range of topics but not on social lubrication chat!

I think you maybe have high expectations but I have also been surprised by the extent to which my kids have needed to be taught conversation skills so I don't think you're wrong to start that process at 7.

@JeatherLacket I'm not expecting a them to ask if it was cooked sous vide just like 'yes, thank you. I loved my pudding - the ice cream was very tasty'.

Still giving Little Lord Fauntleroy to me 😀

I grew up with a mother who was a stickler for manners but even she wouldn't have expected that level of conversation from a 7 year old

I have 8yr old twins. One would chat your ear off, the other might only mumble or nod their head. Just goes to show how different kids can be.

Mine's not long turned 8 but you might get any of the following from my trainee food critic

• Yes
• Yes it was very nice thank you
• Yes, did you know that today I (insert completely different subject, usually train related)
• I thought it was a bit burnt/yucky/slimy actually

He's much more articulate when he doesn't like it!

I think I'd expected him to pick up more of the set phrases through exposure and I'd underestimated the need for explicit teaching. My family is, for a variety of reasons, very very child light, very geriatric and very keen on manners so I think I'm acutely aware of it! Plus I have no other kids to compare so I can't really get a feeling for 'normal'.

My daughter has always felt happy to make conversation with anyone since she was tiny. My son struggled a lot more but is gradually getting better now he's in his early teens

Every child is different

If the person was a stranger to them, I wouldn't expect any more than that.

Mine may or may not expand upon that depending on the vibes they got from the person or how comfortable they felt around them. They generally warm up the more the other person speaks to them.

honestly even my very polite 11 year old would likely just say ‘yes thank you’. He’s not a chatter box about food. I can’t imagine a 7 8 9 year old waxing lyrical to the extent you’re suggesting

I can see that might feel quite intimidating to some children, even if the adults were actually lovely. I think mine would be wary and ill at ease for some time.

Mine wouldn't have commented on food because at that age they were very picky and probably hated it but had the good manners not to say so.
Other adult conversation they would join in but not actively making small talk.

@Goodmorningeveryone26 I think I just watched these hopeful older faces looking at him expectantly today, and then looking disappointed when he didn't flow on with it in the way they expected. He wouldn't have been rude about the food but I'm not sure he'd know where to 'take' a conversation that he didn't really care about (if that makes sense).

I've taught 7-9 year olds for years and years (and have my own). "Yes thank you" as a reply is generally pretty good, especially with unknown adults. A small number, maybe 10 per cent of 7 year olds, would chatter on about their meal. A significant number would just nod or say 'yes' or ignore you completely.

I don’t think young children really get small talk. Tbh I it pretty tedious too. Did you enjoy your meal?
Yes, the chicken was lovely thanks, did you enjoy yours?
Yes, it was nice, but the broccoli was a bit over done.
So dull 🤣
Ask me what my best ever meal was and I’ll talk for ever! (May or may not be ND!)

Yes, I can see that. Obviously, it was my normal as a kid so it's helpful to see that you might be the weird one and have maybe skewed expectations! Not that, actually, I don't think he should learn these things. But I can feel less panicked that he doesn't know them yet and that's normal!

I had only one, at 43, so I did put in mega effort, and yes, DC is an unmitigated delight. He's 27 and his parents are 70. We eat together, but we wouldn't go to the same clubs. I hope he'll come around to change the lightbulbs we can't manage when the time comes.

And we chat each others ears off. There is never a dull silence. We share ideas and information constantly via WhatsApp, and talk every few days.

You're not the weird one at all. Kids are different and learn confidence in various areas at different rates. Some things just come more naturally to some people than others and sometimes, as parents, it does throw us when our kids don't find the same things easy as us. Outside perspective is helpful though 😀