What is a normal social life for a 19 year old?

[HazelHedgehog]

My son has struggled with friendships forever. He is taking a year out and is happy enough but has such a small social life. Gym, occasional cinema, athletics club and maybe a pub quiz. Is this the norm, I was out clubbing and drinking nearly every night at that age. Is he missing out ? Is this how it is now?

Has he got friends? He sounds like he’s not that into drinking and clubbing which is totally fine. Does he seem happy? What are his year out plans?

He sounds pretty normal to me.
Pubs and clubs aren't that popular amongst the younger generation these days.

What is he taking a year out from (and what is he doing with it)? If he's working then that will be occupying a lot of his energy. And it still sounds like he's doing quite a lot. A lot of young people don't drink these days.

Not sure how to reply individually, but yes he has friends but not super close friends. He is always the planner/organiser otherwise nothing would happen. Which he does find frustrating. Just so different to my teenage years.

He is working, going to visit family, nothing huge planned.

This new generation of young adults aren't interested in pubs, clubs and dancing.

my 20 yo very rarely goes out with friends. was year 9 during lockdown so think that played a part as this was the age my younger teens started seeing friends more outside of school independently.
i think our generation had to go out more, obvs no mobile phones, social media so if you wanted to communicate you saw people or rang them…for some young people socialising seems to be often very passive and on line now.
I do wish mine went out a bit more though, i think not going to sixth form and or uni makes things harder as well. my 18 yo is at sixth form and is never home. 20 yo did an apprenticeship so very different route and experience.

My 19yo went out a couple of times a month until she started uni and now she seems to be out every night 🙈

Some of them are!

It just seems so dull, but he does seem happy enough. Just so different from my teenage years

Yes I have this too. I was never at home when I was young but my two are only out now and again.

They seem happy though so I leave them to it.

I think this says more about you than him. Why do you see "clubbing and drinking" as less dull than the things you've listed that he does do?

I think it probably is more me than him, sort of transferring my sense of what is fun and what I think he should be doing. I have obviously never voiced my thoughts. I just don't want him to miss out.

He's his own person and likes his own things. Your teenage years, with clubs and so on, sound like my version of hell. I'd have hated that. I'm more a small number of friends, meet for coffee and a walk, or go to a museum, kind of person. So are my friends. If he's happy, then that's really good.

At 19 my own social life consisted of mother's of babies group.

I do wonder if he is scared to try new things and picks the safe option.

Or he just likes what he's doing and you need to accept he's not you?

I have never been inside a club and have never felt I missed out.

Miss out on what though?
He is doing stuff he enjoys.
You did stuff you enjoyed.
Personally I think clubbing is one of the most boring things in the world but YOU enjoyed it so that's fine.
He's not into that - and that's fine too.

maybe it isn’t dull for him? not everyone likes clubbing and partying, I didn’t much. My 19yo doesn’t either. Occasional pub trip but mainly gym or outdoor sports. My 17yo on the other hand has 3 parties lined up this week.

Thank you everyone. I needed to hear this! I will just let him do his thing!