Should I move in with my partner

[ByPinkTurtle]

So I’ve been with my partner 3 years, I have a 15 year old son who I co-parent with my ex husband. My partner has 2 children aged 13 and 11 who he co-parents. We live about 30 minute drive from each other, I rent and he owns. We are very much ready to live together but my son is not happy to move. The plan was once he leaves school next year and starts college that we would move in with my partner and I would pay a sum off the mortgage and be added. We would be financially comfortable and have no money worries. How do I navigate this?

He has already said he doesn’t want, so there is no need to convince us really when the underlying fact is there. Op my partner lives an hour drive away and he has younger kids and I have a 14 year old and a 20 year old. My children have expressed a strong wish to have seperate households and to be honest I am so glad after initially wanting to move in. Trust me, you will end up running a house and doing the lions share of caring for 3 kids. Also, please don’t be so eager to buy together as finically your son will be worse off . Get some legal advice before you do anything like this and I hope you respect your son’s wishes.

If his 2 DC are desperate for you to be together that says a lot to me about his parenting. And you yourself say that it will be a lot of work for you with his DC. Massive alarm bells should be ringing for you here.

Your priority needs to be your DS. Not what his kids want. If he wants his kids to be happier he should be taking steps to be a better parent.

Nothing is going to burst your lovedup bubble more than moving in with this man and taking care of his kids. You sound a bit too niaive. I was like this too until the reality hit in that by the time the youngest of my partners dc is 18, I will be 58 ( so no thanks) . Also by going abroad on family holidays I realised I was past this parenting stage and didn’t want to revisit it again. My kids are not babies anymore and I’m getting more freedom to go out, go to the gym and not be responsible all the time. I do spend time with partners dc sbc I don’t take part in all the activities. I don’t want to be a step parent.

I agree with everyone.
Be careful.
I was once in this situation, the amount of juggling and smoothing over I had to do made me nearly go crazy. The thing is coming in to a relationship with a child means you've already got priorities and somehow the man expects to be the priority, ain't happening is it?
Also, life was great when he was away on business, house was much calmer, I didn't have to think about a routine that was good for him but didn't quite work for us. And I never had to do anything for him or his kids etc
That's when I decided to leave.
Many men also want you to be more invested in their kids than they are to yours 😔
No thanks

I was once the teenager who was made to live with a strange man. It’s horrible. Don’t do it. Your son may never feel comfortable at home again, or like it is really his home, and it may change your relationship with your son indefinitely.

I think the advice here is really sound, though totally understand it is difficult to accept (as living together must seem like a natural option).

One thing to say though, if you do decide to move in at any point and choose to pay the mortgage, please do see a solicitor and have a legal agreement drawn up that will protect you and your son, even if you are added to the house deeds. Make sure all of it is formal and legalised before you move in, see the documents yourself, and be clear about your will, who owns what after a separation etc. People forget these things in a loved up, excited phase but if things go pear shaped, you need to be clear about the money you invest in this property.

Don’t do it if you value your son’s happiness and wellbeing. It’s easy for them to get on well while they live at different addresses. It is not a reasonable indicator of successful family blending. If the move and relationship is right for you long term, it can wait a few more years.

There is no reason to do this, and as it seems to need to be pointed out as not obvious for unknown reasons, a man is not a financial plan

I didn’t move my DP in until my DS was 18 and had choices. He ended up staying at home to go to uni and it works really well, though he’s independent and doesn’t expect us to look after him. In your shoes I wouldn’t move in because there’s not a chance in hell I’d want to parent two teens, even part time. There’s a big difference between getting on well and living together (I get on brilliantly with my two best friends but I’d rather pluck out my toenails than live with them). To what extent will you be expected to do the wifework?

If your son is happy at the moment, I’d leave the situation as it is. It sounds like you are motivated more my saving money. How does your partner feel about it?

I would not be adding a partner of 3 years to my mortgage though.

I would think very carefully about proceeding with this move.

If your son is planning on university, his student loan will take into consideration your household income. Currently this may involve universal credit? Will your boyfriend be happy to help find your son through university if you blend households?

I can understand why a teenage boy doesn’t want to live with an unrelated man. He’ll have to behave differently and won’t be himself in his own home.

I don't have any experience of blends families but from what I read on here, it has put me right off ever having one! Seems as soon as you move in together the man takes a step back from parenting duties and you are expected to take over! I would hold off until son is 18.

nope. dont do it.

If the 30mins journey on a 50cc moped is suitable for a 16yr-old wanting to visit friends, then a 30mins journey in a car is surely equally suitable for an adult wanting to visit a partner?

Your DS might gain a bathroom and a bigger bedroom but he will also have to live with an unrelated man, an 11yr-old and a 13yr-old. He also has to leave behind his friends and his home. I don't blame him for not wanting to go.

I think both you and your son have far more to lose than you’ll gain.

Your boyfriend on the other hand…

Did they say that or him?
Call me cynical but you will be moving in, laying down a fair bit of your money AND be taking on all the housework
Tale as old as time
Dont do it

Give it a couple of years before you go on the mortgage and pay lump sum
tbh this could go etherway if it does go tits up it a clean break once property and money involved it’s a nightmare

and whilst everyone is focusing on your son what’s it’s not for him and his kids don’t take to you and your son
blended families are difficult to navigate