Nearly three year old struggling at nursery and speech delay concerns

[Stripedpants]

My little boy will be 3 in November. He’s recently started nursery the last two weeks - 2, 4 hour sessions a week. No problems with him going he’s ran in saying bye every time, no tears happy to be there. Every time I’ve picked him up his key worker has said something positive but ends with a negative, “he’s tried to bite a staff member” “have you had his hearing tested he ignores his name” “he’s really struggled with transitions of activities” I burst into tears at pick up today thinking what now.

Some back story, his speech is quite limited for his age we’re waiting for a speech language referral over the coming weeks with an app with HV. We’ve had a rough couple of months with intense aggressive meltdowns (I’m wondering whether this is frustration due to limited speech). He hit all other milestones, walks, runs, plays with other children nicely, maintains eye contact, interacts with strangers etc. I’m just at a loss at whether this is typical almost 3 year old behaviour, whether nursery are gearing up to tell me they think he’s autistic, or whether the lack of speech language understanding is leading all of this. I’m a first time mum and totally feel out of my depth. I’m wondering whether he was ready to start nursery after all or if it’ll do him some good and leave him to settle longer.

Well the first question is, have you actually had his hearing checked? We thought our son could hear perfectly - turns out he had glue ear and mild to moderate hearing loss. That would easily be enough to explain the slow speech and frustrated behaviour.

Have you check his hearing though? My sister is a SALT and she sees sooo many kids where it’s actually a hearing issue and the parents had no idea. But from my experience of my 2 kids and my 3 nephews that’s not normal behaviour. I had a biter and one of my nephews was a biter and they had long grown out of that by 3

he’s tried to bite a staff member
have you had his hearing tested he ignores his name
he’s really struggled with transitions of activities
his speech is quite limited for his age we’re waiting for a speech language referral over the coming weeks with an app with HV
We’ve had a rough couple of months with intense aggressive meltdowns

When you start listing all the things you have told us, it could point to a little one that it would be worth referring for further investigation,
OR
It could point to a little one starting something completely new, and being tired and overwhelmed with everything.

But I agree with the first two replies - a hearing check is the absolute first thing to do. Contact your HV and see if she has done this referral, and if no, request one.

In our area, no-once can be referred for Autism assessment without 6 months of intervention from professionals (Nursery, or home visitors, or childminders who are willing to work with support plans) anyway.

If I were you I would both get his hearing checked, and also ask for an appointment with the SENCo to see if they have any concerns, other than him struggling to settle at this very early stage.

Thanks for replies, we only had the hearing comment yesterday so I’ve rang the HV and she’s referred us to a hearing test. I’m not sure if it is that as it feels he picks and chooses when he wants to hear, I feel like I’m just in a constant battle of what’s normal toddler behaviour vs something to worry about 🥲

It could still be the case - for instance, my son had a speech delay and would say things like "flo" instead of "flower" - because he couldn't hear the lower second syllable.
He was also tricky to manage because after time in a busy environment like preschool where it was loud and he couldn't hear, and he was tired and stressed from trying, when someone tried to get his focus he just thought sod this, I've been trying all day and noone appreciates my efforts so jog on.