Nearly two-year-old terrified of appointments and haircuts, will this improve?

[AJA14]

I’m struggling … My almost 2 year old is terrified of everything - dentist, drs, barbers. The drs can’t even put the little plaster on his toe to get readings when hes poorly. His heart rate last time was around 164 because he was screaming so much. Going to the barbers, no amount of “bribery” works as he’s so worked up before scissors or shaver touches him. I worry that if something was ever actually wrong Drs would have to sedate him to even do anything basic! Is it a case of just waiting it out until he’s older or does anyone have any words of wisdom/ reassurance?!

My daughter is 20 months and the same - I’m not worried though as she’s still so young. I think they’ll grow out of it

Im sure your little one will improve. My child was scared of the barbers too at that age. We had a break from it (I cut his hair in the meantime) and I recently booked him in with hairdresser instead, a lovely lady and he tolerated a haircut. He’s now 3 years 3 months.
Doctors has also improved.

Very common. That's extremely young for the hairdresser anyway.

Stop all non-essential appointments for the child. Take the child to watch your appointments and look happy while you're there!

Too young for many kids at this age. Mine went through lots of little phases.

Mine was exactly the same. Used to scream the house down when it was haircut day. Used to run out of the room at the doctor's when it was injection time.
He's now 21, has no problem with injections or haircuts!!
They do grow out of it eventually x

He does come with me to all appointments, I was at the dentist yesterday and he was fine when he realised it was me in the chair, not him. I think my main concern is the Drs - he’s had to go a few times for chest infections etc. it’s just impossible for them to get any accurate readings on him.

Are you making a big deal of it? I personally haven’t really experienced this, but I definitely wouldn’t be telling a 2 year old he’s going to go get a haircut. Just take him, you’re there, no big deal. Don’t build it up and talk about it. I don’t tell mine if they’re getting jabs. We just go and then it’s done. Also, he’s 2, does he need to go to the barbers? Mine was probably 6 before he went regularly. I could cut his hair myself at home and it was really stress free.

No, not really. We just turned up. His hair grows super fast so we have gone 4 times in a year so it’s not overly frequent but don’t want to push it any longer. We did buy a barber and doctor playset that’s just “around” at home so he’s exposed to it. I have started getting upset when we have had to go to drs and a&e for chest/ breathing problems but that’s just because he’s so distressed and it breaks my heart - I’m working on keeping myself in check too.

I had one of these, especially with haircuts - his dad had to cut his fringe while asleep.

It took until he was 5 to accept the barbers - and .that was with a very patient older barber who was very quick.

In terms of medical stuff - time to play.

Get teddies, get a thermomenter, finger probe, syringes and let them play Drs - you or teddy are the patient, they are in charge. It should help.

My DS was frightened of the buzzing noise from the clippers and didn’t like the barbers but would tolerate scissors at the hairdressers- might be a nicer environment for him?

My DD is 3 and a half and fine with the doctors now but she was terrified. Luckily I didn't have to take her too often but they could barely get readings when I did go for urgent stuff like a bad chest infection etc- especially with the blood oxygen little toe cuff thing! You would think they were trying to cut her toe off bless her.

I don't know if it did help or if was coincidence and she just grew out of it but I bought her a little wooden doctors kit in a bag and we played doctors at home. I also bought one of the finger oxygen readers and when she was being the doctor she used to put it on me and DH. It was about a tenner on ebay- probably not a very reliable one! Eventually she got brave enough to have a go herself and then we made a huge fuss. Then when we next went to the doctors I said look it's just like yours at home and she wasn't as scared.

I had the same fear as you that if they needed to treat her it would be a nightmare. I'm sure if you're confident to wait he will just grow out of it when he can better understand what's going on and why. It must be very confusing for them bless them, especially when they're feeling poorly to begin with.

I didnt even attempt the hairdressers 🤣 I think she'd be okay at it by now though! Good luck!

My DS was like this. I just cut his hair myself and still do. He would probably be fine now he is 7 but likes me cutting it. I think the whole driving there to sit in front of a stranger added a whole extra layer of stress and pressure for a small child that is unnecessary for a haircut IMO.

We found a local barber who came to the house and specialised in neurospicy kids, ours are NT but it really helped!

I learnt to cut DS hair at home..my own too and once DS got to age 4.5 he was happy to go to the barbers. My 2 year old is the same lets me cut his hair they trust me. So ot is normal for children to be stranger danger. Ore then afraid of the process. You could try taking them to your Dra apts. I do that. Ny DS1 came to all my Midwofe apts and Gp apts. And he is a champ with Drs and Dentists.

Thank you so much for this. When we have been in a&e and I just see little ones sit there it makes me so worried for him. Yes, we have done the same, little wooden kit and we bought a finger thing too but got an adult one so need to swap that. Thanks for the reassurance 😊

Ds was like this. He was ok with actual doctors but frankly, he didnt see a dentist regularly until hr was 7. Hair cuts were a nightmare. I never did coffee shops with gim as a baby- hen would freak out.

He had to have surgery age 3. I had to basically hold him down while they gassed him them they grabbed him from me and gave him the iv meds before he woke up! After surgery (we were in a day clinic), the other children would start waking up and a nurse would come and call the parents then you'd go down to the recovery room and they'd be super dozy and they would then come back to the ward together as the child was waking up and totally out of it...

They came to call us. As we were walking down the corridor we could hear him screaming. We had to run. We got in and the nurses had figured out the cannula was completely freaking him.out and had taken the executive decision to remove it without waiting for any pwrmission. He calmed down, slightly, but was another hour until he was totally calm.

He has sensory processing disorder (and adhd). We did not know that then but it was one of the many signs.

The good news is that he hasnt grown out of it as such, but he has learnt how to cope. He still avoids certain sensations and sounds but he can and does suck up dentist, hair etc. Doesn't enjoy it, but endures.

We had the exact same thing and now DS has just turned 3 and is absolutely fine! To help us get there, I found explaining things and practicing things at home the best way to prep him for what was coming. For example, to get him better at going to the drs we read some books about what happens at the drs, got him his own kids medical bag (complete with plastic stethoscope) and before any visit we’d talk through what was going to happen and then again when we were there. I think the dr thought I was mad but it worked for us! Maybe your child is like mine and just afraid of the unknown!

That’s just given me a horrendous flashback!
He grew out of it.

What do you say when he’s upset?

the urge is to say “it’s ok you’re ok it’s fine you’re fine don’t cry it’s ok” but that actually makes it worse. Try the “name it to tame it” strategy: “I know the clippers are loud, you’re scared” “I know you feel worried about the plaster/doctor” name the thing that’s upsetting him plus the emotion he has.

Once kids see that you understand them they don’t have to escalate their distress trying to communicate it to you.

Then you say “and I’ll keep you safe” “and I will help you do it” “it will be finished soon and we can go home/the park/have these chocolate buttons…” so you still follow through, you just support him through his scared feelings.